It's 3:43 AM.
I can't close my eyes.
My hearts beating too loud.
My stomach is twisting.
I don't want to be anyone's trouble.
Will I ever be something?
Could I be your honey?
Even though, I have no money?
I need to work.
I'll buy lotto tickets.
Do I have to strip? Or do ****?
What does it take?
My first payment is two-hundred and thirty-six dollars
twenty-three cents.
It increases after two years.
I don't have a job yet-
I graduate this May- if I don't die.
If I don't die, I will have to pay
this November.
Our anniversary is in November.
Better find a government job.
Make that cash!
I don't want a sugar daddy with a white mustache.
She said, "Everyone has loans."
Yeah, but I'm no one.
What does it take to get paid
loads
loads
loads
of cash?
I didn't care for money.
Capitalism grants me
no choice but to
Wonder what it's like at the bottom of the ocean?
No structure- it's dark.
I'll become fish food,
in some rich man's aquarium.

It's a scam

In their eyes,
retirement is more important
than college funds

© Matthew Harlovic

i am sorry that i cost you so much gold
as if you are a bank and i am only taking out a loan

i am sorry for being so **** expensive
my mistake i should have not been so ******* intrusive

formal apologies for forgetting the business expenditure
in place of my birth i did not know it was in the picture

i am sorry i didn’t check
family is actually synonymous with piles of debt

my mistake, my bad, i was too rash
so my worth can be paid to you in ringlets of cash

i will have the check written by noon
your rightful mortgage returned to you soon
but remember i did not choose you
how i do owe you

Is it I or them, that fate has forced
to shadow in my lifeless eyes
for truth has bitterness to pay
and flame light flares along its path

when right and wrong are undiscerned
and creatures stir within their cage
when parents clip the wings of birds
and suffer them their broken ways

there lives between uncertain wrongs
an urge to end the war outside
to flee from all you say is true
and debts that cost too much to pay

yet finding manifested strong
the time to read between the lies
we spindle back the fraying cord
that blindly leads us to the grave

I've sauntered to the blackened gates
and laughed out at the red inside
that fails pride and injures truth
and falls down where it cannot rise

I have been born to this affluent world
Rich with diversity and nature’s delight
So many wonders mesmerize me
Benevolence is the essence of this abode
The microcosm reflecting the magnanimity
Immediately I was accepted as a tenant
Being fed from the abundance of cultivation
Fertile soils yielding bountiful harvest
Feeding me to make me stronger
I walk upon this earth with pride and joy
To see mankind and animal kingdom thrive
The camaraderie between and nature and us
It still does not say, “You owe me”
We are indebted to this planet for the largesse
Yet, not rich enough to pay back the debt
I am just a tenant, wonder if I can repay
Only way I can do that is by nurturing love within
And not to destroy this space at will
Only I can love the earth with my heart
And help, in my way to nurture its purity
Many more to come after me can be a tenant here
Let this be a reminder, we are not here to plunder

Everytime someone helps me or offers me something
I build up feelings of guilt and obligation and
I feel ashamed by disappointing the ones
which were nice to me before.

But in reality there is no debt, no obligation at all.
There are only decisions, decisions if you want to be obligated.
Forced upon you by yourself and the principles
you want to stay true in your life.

Do I follow my love? Do I follow my belief?
It's you, who decides, nobody else.
As it is your choice, as it is your responsibility,
shaping up the life you will have,
shaping up the life you will show.