I did find the hero willing to enter my gruelling darkness. A hero willing to fight the obscure demons raging in my head. Im no longer sitting alone in this dreadful darkness. Im done pushing everyone away. Demons u can’t control me anymore. I’ve got my hero now.

Oh god,
I’m done.
I can’t be a fighter nor can I be survivor anymore.
I’m tired.
I can no longer fight my own battles.
I’m surrounded by darkness.
I’m a prisoner of my own demons.
Oh god.
I’m done.

The black substance
fills the void within me
the way salt
dissolves in the sea.

Coming uninvited,
she befriends me when
the moon turns away
her pale, silver shine.

Filling my mind to the brim,
she filters my reality
with grayscale glasses
through which I see

everything around me
has become her reflection,
and she is no longer
anything but a part of me.

The black substance
fills the void within me –
and I am now
nothing but her sea.

In flames is something in the soul
eating its way through the heart
cracking pieces from the whole
you cut it out from bleeding parts.

Night falls on clear cut ground
darkness is fading at the flames
at the distant melting soft sound
and darkness, the heart it frames.

You reach your hand above it
and walk on the lightened path
where every inch now glows lit
and wind calms the world's wrath.

I’m on a path and it’s dark
And I know it’s just leading me to nowhere
I’m barefoot and naked.
My feet are aching and ******
The cold air is sending shivers down my spine.
I’m lost while being nothing more than a naked piece of flesh staring into the dark
Still hoping that I see just a spec of light
To guide me from nowhere to anywhere.
My soul is fighting to leave my body.
I can’t walk.
I can’t breathe.
I’m alone and the darkness is swallowing me whole.
And I have no other choice but to let it.

Shadows dancing on the wall
They never fall
Conjuring shapes of all disguises
Elongated limbs
Faceless
Daylight
They run away
Night
They follow you
Every corner of every street
Waiting

The time of dad's passing
I've been restrained
All the day long
I've looked at the rain.

There isn't a smouldering
Hint of a spark
I can't see for nothin'
The rain is so dark.

The stormclouds are following
One on another
They tred on the heels
They're so close together.

The date of a death
Is when pain was born
There seem to be many
One endless storm.

The first major hurricane
2020 has seen
Was the health & work crisis
Of COVID-19

Then the stress on good friendships
Because of the news
People fussing & fighting
For differing views.

THEN Minneapolis
Had a white killer cop
And others stood by
As a black man's heart stopped!

Now, these are DEATHS!
We HAVE to RECEIVE!
Deaths of our innocence
We no longer believe
In man's basic goodness
No way it's retrieved
We must accept now
And we have to GRIEVE.

My father survived WWII
Lived 93 years in this mortal stew.
But now he's left... years ago? TWO.

When I was a child
Oh, SO long ago
I used to LOVE thunderstorms...

... what did I know?

R.I.P. Clinton Eugene Jarvis

SoulSurvivor
Cathy Jarvis
(C) 5/30/2020