sugar-drunk, i was looking at you to remember when life was just slow dances, expanses of time when we laughed, when I didn’t eulogize forgotten guys, then, I saw no one but you super drunk, i was looking at you just looking at you
The memories of you are fleeting They rush through my mind like a morning wind I can barley get a hold of them before they're gone again And it's not that I miss you I'ts not like I wish things were different I'm just replaying the moments like old songs And imaging that you're here to dance along
Sometimes they're welcoming and sometimes they haunt me.
The king of dancing Flowing in my mind The king of dancing Makes me go blind For the king of dancing Really isn't real Because the king of dancing Only makes me feel what I feel
I have so many thoughts in my head but none of them actually make sense. Well, that's not true either. But I can't figure out the order they go in. I'm trying to be better. To love myself harder. I sing in the shower and dance in the mirror but only when its still fogged up. I smile more in my pictures and I don't delete the ones in my husband's phone. I'm making little steps to falling in love with myself which is a lot of effort when I can barely walk as it is. I try not to hate myself when I break and binge eat again but its really hard not to when I know that I won't eat again for a few days. And I know its a problem, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm just trying to love myself through it.
