She’s looking through blind eyes again,
Letting the noise of life passing by
Lull her into this sleep, this coma
That comes upon her more often as the years go by.
And the same question is plaguing her:
How do you know if a life is worth living?
When you can say hello to a goodbye
Knowing that tomorrow shall never replace yesterday
And your today will never come to an end.
And maybe that coma can save her
From searching for the missing piece in her puzzle.
Because lately every today loses its shine after the first hour.
And the love she is looking for
Is taking the wrong forms, leaving her empty inside.
And yes, maybe she is ungrateful
But that pain that is burning holes in her soul
Is turning to ash all the good that is left inside of her.
And with her bare hand
She’s trying to keep the pieces together
And the shards are leaving gashes on her palm
Leaving new scars over old.
And she hopes if she holds her heart long enough,
It’ll mend itself back together.
But she knows deep in that broken heart
That the damage has been done
And she’s learned that in this life, you only get one.

You;
you prey on pretty things.
Damaging innocent bows
and precious curls.
Dainty,
delicate,
*****.
You;
you ruin her.

Negativity flows through my veins,
Tainting and poisening my brain,
On the edge, insane.
Happiness a rare treat,
Simple things, being able to eat,
If only it was followed by sleep.

i remembered jumping
the beautiful skies exploding inside of me
i once had a vision but now i have broken pieces
funny how we nibble on things we
know would tear us apart

i remembered having a
clear mind
peaceful soul, fresh air touching my skin
until it was toxic
and i got all worn out

i remembered all the pretty
photographs and happy adventures
one day i felt the unparalleled contentment
but it all faded
flash before my eyes like a bubble

i remember all the times i picked
all the wrong choices
and now i ask myself
"what went wrong"  
and i realised I went wrong

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
hatchlings aren't able to fly,
though they think they are.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
in order to live
and to love,
part of me had to die.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i would never be
as beautiful or as perfect
as the dove.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i was worthless,
and if i wanted something,
i had to work for it.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
you were protecting me
from the outside world.
i didn't realize i was suffering.


my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i couldn't trust anyone,
there were predators all around,
and when it rained, it poured.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
i told myself that
it was time to fly.
oh, it hurt, but still,
your words were never as soft as the ground.

I refuse to be skimmed with your eyes
And judged by lack of understanding
My pictures minimal
But can easily draw attention
Don't tear my pages
Like they've torn my heart
My spine is worn
Please hold me together
I can't hold it together
So hold me

*******, sawdust
Whiskey and rust
This is the life
This is cloud nine

This used to be a simple alibi
But now it's just a damaged lullaby

It's hard to kiss
Skin that crawls
But in the dark
The weakness falls
Unasked questions
They do rebound
Silent screaming
Rings all around

This used to be a simple alibi
But now it's just a damaged lullaby

Tattoos, perfume
Gasoline fumes
Nursing this poison
cringing, no end
Dysfunctional love
is what we make
just one more hit
It'll be the last I take

This is the life
This is cloud nine

My bed has become too big for me.

And not in the sense where my limbs are dangling off the edges,
But in the sense that there shouldn't be just one person lying alone in the dark listening to the stories the walls are telling.

I've come to the point where my tears either burn on my skin like the razor blades you once turned me off of or I've not any left to shed
Because my soul has become as dry as the desert on account of bleeding out until I had no cells left to live for.

There is no more little bird fluttering it's wings to help me know I'm alive, its pulse has left with mine to go off to paradise and ive become a walking distaster-piece trying to find any amount of solace in being forsaken.

My bed beckons me to come back; to uncover it of whatever clean laundry I didn't feel strongly enough about to put in its proper place, to lay down in its arms again and stay a while..

But I no longer find comfort there.

See, my couch has only room for me just as my heart only had room for you, but now I've been left vacant like another apartment after the lease has expired.

I may as well wonder around with a sign reading 'Damaged heart for rent, contact Valerie at 1-800-MYFEELINGSDON'TMATTER' as advertisement.

I've clearly peaked your interest as some sort of toy long enough for you to continuously return and play with me.

So, go ahead and make an attempt at erasing the history we have between us, officially published or not it still exists and it still bestows significance within our lives.
In yours.
In mine.

You pick up your phone, your hand trembling as your fingertips carress the numbers designed to reach me and me especially.

Go ahead and make love to me one day and then later treat it like a one night stand because I don't have emotions and God FORBID I would call you out on the way you kissed me goodbye that night and didn't talk to me for days following.

You carefully reach towards the green call button to make the engagement more realistic.

Go ahead and abandon me like everyone else, I don't expect you to need me when I don't even need myself.

"I'm sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error please check the number and try again."

1-800-MYFEELINGSDON'TMATTER

I'm going back to bed.