I guess it's true
No one wants me because I am over used
When he loved me with the back of his hand
It taught me to take it like a man
I am  damaged yes I own up to it
And this blood running down my legs isn't the sign of me becoming a woman, but instead is a sign of me being forced into being a scared and scarred little girl
No it's not my period, but a reminder of the period in time I didn't have a reason to vent and rhyme;until I met you.
Scared and
Scarred little girl
Violated savagely by this cruel not so little world
Angry with everything
So when you say I'm pmsing
You're right, I am Protecting MySelf

This pain,
This addiction.
A love letter —
Carved in skin.
A ****** red itch.
Undenied.
My scars are medals,
Tragic measurements.
Sickening,
Precise in their torment.
Self-loathing.
Self-inflicted.
Self-destruct.

Time erodes all memory,
Love ain't how it's meant to be.
It only leaves you burnt and scarred,
Your heart twisted, narrow—hard.
All the truth you knew untied,
Hopeful passion left denied.
I thought your love eternal bright,
But now I face the dying light.

It was her birthday she was turning thirteen.

It was a fun day until her father asked to baby sit for his new friends so they could all go out to party.

She was scared that day she didn’t know why. She had babysat for other people before, but for some reason this was different. She just felt weird.

As they were driving to the location, her father was telling her, about the people she would babysit for and how they were new to the area and didn’t know anyone.

“But dad, I really don’t want to. It’s my birthday. “She just wanted to cry. Why she had to do this she couldn’t understand.

After being dropped off and meeting the parents, she thought maybe she was being silly and they were good people. After the parents had left to the party, she got the kids ready for bed, and fell asleep waiting for everyone to get home.

The man woke her up with his hand on her shoulder and he was telling her to get ready he will take her home. He was telling his wife that it would take him a couple of hours to get her home and to get back. She thought about that, it didn’t seem to take her dad that long to drive to their home. Now she was getting scared again.

Driving back she could not talk. Even when he spoke to her she just sat scrunched in her seat trying to make herself invisible.

“What’s wrong with you? Can’t you talk? “He was demanding. It seemed to make him mad because she would not answer him.

All she could think was please God help me get home, when he turned the car into the hills where the woods started. She finally found her voice. She sat straight up in the seat and screamed. “Where are we going this is not the way home?”

He started laughing and when she tried to open the car door he grabbed her and hit her in the face. She was knocked out.
When she woke he was on top of her, and she was crying.

Then his hand was around her throat, “I will **** you and your mom if you tell anyone. You will die.”

After he was done with her, he took her home and dumped her on the sidewalk. He threw money at her and left. She wanted to be removed from life. To be no more!

Dear Lord,

Please remove me

I want to be no more

The time has come

To make me blank

Here I am

Stuck in the mud

Where have you gone?

Where am I now?

Stuck in never never land

The years go by

The pain never stops

The rose won’t bloom

The miles go around and around

Head spins

Struggling for years

Now the children are gone

And  what I knew was wrong

When death came between us

So I ask

One last time

REMOVE ME PLEASE!


Debbie Brooks 2014

Staring at these pixels,
words
       and images
            On my screen

It's cracked now
       Just a little damaged
     Been that way for a while
Kinda like my heart
But I continue to read and write
        All day long
Waiting to see your smile
Waiting to get that one message...
      
         I love you

It will come
      Like your words always do
I may have to wait
    Waiting...
        Waiting......
Oh! How much I hate to wait!
I know I'll get the message
    Soon enough
Until then I'll wear this smile
      Staying strong
          Acting tough
My particular favorite is...  

Hey babe, how's your day?
        I know it's been awhile
            But can I please
                Just see you smile?

Cause you know how I love to rhyme,
    And although you're not a poet
        You still try and that's more than fine!
Cause then you say...

I'm a poet and didn't know it!

Every time!

Staring at this cracked screen
   Is what gets me through my day
    Just like fixing
        My cracked heart
Is what gets you through
    You don't have to wait very long
        To see

*I love you too.

The scene advanced,
The song started,
And lapsed
Into my psyche
Chords hitting nerves
I'd thought were wasted
And lost
Because I'd left them
Wandering through a maze
Of things
That had messed with them too much
But the song
Was subtle enough
To teach them to feel again
In the way they're supposed to.

I am running legs flying like Hermes wings.
I am running past, so far beyond the pain.
I am running from that kiss... tender kiss. Stupid kiss,
wanton, lustful, bursting kiss.
full of promises and tasting like salty beer and silky words
slithering arm around my waistline
making me forget I have time to waste
I am running,
from your words.
I am running from the picket fence and
picket hearts
and how do I belong in this circle of things ?
I am running and
I breathe so much better out here alone.
I am running until I can't see that house with
manicured lawn and
manicured family
me so wily,
wooo so wild.
If I hear my footsteps
I've come too close to my heart.
I am running and the trees, they race me in a blur
                                           when I turn my head
                      They are waving back.
I am running and the sun gets a head start,
but always falls behind, behind.
I am running
can't
outrun
you
can't unrun
you
can't unring
you
can't ignore this bell.
I am running and as fast as I go,
I can't outrun a circle,
and I hear the bells.
Yes, I hear the bells, runner.

sahn
9/14/14

Darling,
did you ever realize
just how harsh society is?

I'm guessing you have,
because I've noticed that lately
you haven't been the same.

For some reason,
society chose to misguide you,
and you've become damaged.

And it's quite a shame,
for I wish you could see yourself
the way I see you.

But being damaged,
does not mean broken.
Always remember that.