Each spring miracle  .  .  .
Trees blessed by caterpillars gifts,
  .  .  .  Holey hands of leaves.

Currently, I receive energies played in waves above
plains sunken under progressive ruination
streets of rock run white with rain
washing and washing
ways for joy to fall,
waste washing down from heaven in rain
washing and washing.
Under their breath someone sees death and says
what of what I'm left, with and without?
While the next life in line with their hands in their pockets
can't help but just stand there and nod, in a
wave that continues to the rough edge of people
besieged by grief huddled nearby if not together in the flood.
I can't help but stand there and kick the water
while looking over my shoulder at loneliness.
Somewhere behind me, there is nothing.

I was the water

And you were the sky,

we blended and sang

rebirth in a sigh


I was the water

and you were a boat,

When you were unsure

I would just let you float


I was the water and you were a jar

I cleaned you and kept you

and couldn’t go far


I was the water

and you couldn’t see

so i bathed your sweet eyes

and let you be free


I was the water

and you were in pain

the scratches and blood

were all that remained

So i cleaned off the blood
and the venom and hate

And you danced to a new fire
while I pondered my fate


I was the water

and you were the flame

and I boiled and I sparked till you said my name

then I was mist and fog in the air

And you remembered the off switch

but I was no longer there


I was the water

and you were the shore

Until I deserted you

when I could stand it no more


Now i am salt and pain and pieces of you mixed in

but you are arid and thirsty,
dehydrated again.

I was the water
and you were the horse

I came inside to quench your thirst

and there I remained till you died in the street

and i left you little carbonite to dust at my feet.


I was the water

and you were the sea

The moon and the stars

and eternity

White.
Plain white.
All I could see was the white.
It was a numbing sensation,
Which in my case was a relief.
I guess.
It was a pleasant change;
A break, for once, from the hurt.
From feeling as if my everything was tearing apart.

I had felt as if my chest had been cracked open,
My innards spilling out in a painful gush,
And the only thing I could do,
Was hug something close.
And maybe the tighter I held it,
The closer together everything inside me was,
And the closer to being better I was.

But it made me feel alone.
To hug a stuffed animal,
In a desperate attempt to make myself well.
To stops the heart aching and sobbing.
All I wanted was to be held,
And comforted,
And just held together.
Because everything felt as if it were falling apart.

But now it’s gone,
For now, at least.
I’ve let it all out,
Like I so rarely do.
I’ve cried it all away,
It feels as if I don’t have any tears left.

I’ll relish in this,
In this short period of numb.
Because as soon as I let it,
As soon as I move from this spot,
As soon as my mind begins to work again,
It’ll be back.
The cycle will begin again.

I have plans for the moon
By night and by day
sometimes opening, sometimes closing
a seeing which does not depend on the eye
and an eye which does not merely see.
The moon gets behind me
and flows like a stream
inside a mountain
many dark miles unseen
before emerging as the source
of something pure that will heal me.

I have plans for the moon
like the sunflower nodding in the mind
shifts and keeps an eye
on father sun in the sky
resemblance does not depend on closeness
but the transfer of heat and invisible elements.
In the cool of the evening
a trail appearing through the dew
where an animal walks with a god
and man is missing from the middle.

I have plans for the moon
as the moon has plans for me.

After all this hollowness, years of
Vain screams that's been unheard
By my beloved fallen angel
Now I realize, that's not worth it
Keep on fighting against something
That's gonna stay with me forever
the voices whisper in my ears
lying to me as I am fearing
I'll never be the same without you

This presence the spirit, who never leaves me
Alone, the one who whispers in my dreams
While I hide in the empty sanity
Chased me out, burned me down, lost my soul
Then ripped my all, then all that's left are
fuzzy dreams of yesterday, filthy ashes of myself

All  thats left of sanity, is breaking slowly
By the presence of your whisper
I'll forget you once again, silent my fears
Clear up the fuzzy dreams of yesterday
I'll say goodbye to hollowness

Living hidden, in fake smiles,that i never really felt
I wanna forget this, wanna feel quiet loneliness
Reborn in this dark quiet and beautiful  place
Leaving regrets behind me, burying all my fears
And feeling amnesia, won't remember that again

All  thats left of sanity, is breaking slowly
By the presence of your whisper
I'll forget you once again, silent my fears
Clear up the fuzzy dreams of yesterday
I'll say goodbye to hollowness

And I'll find myself get to feel eternal peace
Finish this game that drowns my life slowly
I'll give you my hand, follow you down this path
Stopping forever the presence, the whispers
That drove me inside my own doom
Saying goodbye forever, never felt this
Way before, dont worry I won't miss you
I'll just laugh in your grave, cause you never
Got the chance to fulfill your disturbed fantasy.