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Sudzedrebel Jun 2023
I know when to be persistent,
I know when to stop trying.
I'll quit my "*******,"
Stop my "crying."
:)
M Jun 2023
All I remember since living here
the past 3 years
is mostly lots and lots of hardships
I wonder to myself
is this all worth it?
I just don't know anymore ...

As I sit here crying all by myself
the pain of my life
just gets to me
everyday feels like a year ,
I've lost so much in my life
yet I still see the good in it
I guess, 
that it was worth it .

But when i interact with others
I just wish that I could have a family
that I could speak to,
or even just one good friend.

I don't think that's asking for so much ...
I checked my brother's Instagram today
after months of not,
and I wish I still didn't care
after the ways he has abused me so,
but I do
I worry
looking at his shaven head and his gaunt body
to the brother who was once
my best friend in this whole world,
the one that I felt,
loved me no mater what ,
but turns out that this was never love
it was abuse and trauma bonds,
which is reflected in the way that he now appears,
as this scary looking gangster man,
who cares more about money& his ego
than loving and caring about others.

And I just ask myself why??

But I think it was always this way
or maybe it wasn't ,
Life just feels so painful
in some moments .

I just so badly wish
that I didn't feel anything in my heart,
I feel so often
that I wasn't born for this world,
I am just so extremely sensitive
and I love with such a big heart,
that I remember every single fling
I had, and I still love every man who cuddled with me
and hugged my little heart so tight :(
To know that the ones that I loved
could care less about me,
bleeds with a soul knife
that  just likes to taunt me
all the time
with its memories.
skah May 2023
04
the loneliness is killing me alive
it’s feasting off my fragile being
alone, locked up in my own four walls
i’m slowly starting to go berserk
i need something, just something
that does something to me

a lonely tear rolls down my face
a trembling ocean underneath my eyelids
maybe i do suffer from dopamine deficiency
maybe i am for being against it
and maybe i just have to stop believing all of the diagnoses of the frauds around me

as fast as the loneliness took me in
and the tears came
it stopped again
and the only thing remaining
was this irrepressible desire
for more more and more
Eve Apr 2023
How is it that I mean so little to you?
When I cry my whole heart out blue
How is it fair that I'm the one crying every night?
When you're out there living your best ******* life
Do I really mean so little to you?
After all these years of us being perfectly dued
To this thing called love...
How can I mean so little to you?
You ******* *******.

-fir.m
I know its selfish. I know it's selfish to want you to ache for me the way I am for you.
I just want to
    be m  i  s         s  e   d.
I just want to  
be    l  ov     e  d.
I just want to
        be with y               ou
w he n I fe  el a      lone.
Indonesia, 8th February 2023
Arif Aditya Abyan Nugroho
relahxe Jan 2023
Lost in reverie
Crying - a natural response
to undeserved love
"Soulful abysses"
Haiku (4)
Simone Oct 2022
im sorry
I know it takes a while for my thoughts to reach my mouth and
im sorry the delay gives you the
         wrong impression
im sorry I've been hiding how bad my trauma really is because i don't want to be known as the one with depression
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry I tried to reconnect and try to mend the bond when I know you wont change the single frozen sliver of ice in the warmth i know you have.
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry that im no longer sorry for leaving
your ice is contagious and fatal
im sorry I gave up trying to convince you that it is there
im sorry it hurts me more than it should
and im sorry i wasn't tough enough to bear the cold for longer
vanessa marie Sep 2022
staring at the sidewalk the night of my birthday
i show up at your door
here for your roommate says my mouth
my tears say that i want more
its his bed i sleep in
dreaming of your lips on my skin
last summer car parked at the drive in
i was a sucker for your devil grin
F Elliott Sep 2022



Sure..

Stand there...      wait
Don't stand there...    breathe.
No..        
Wait..
don't breathe...    just feel

Nah.   Yeah..
Ya-sure...  breathe&feel

Or wait...   no..
Just-remain-silent-and-say-nothing..


Ah,  there it is...    Yasss.    Good girl.


When you ghost me
I get a *****
https://youtu.be/VCb91rATBHI

xo
just talking to myself..
and whistling

youtu.be/fGTO-_hpnEc
and singing Winnie the Poo songs
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