I know when to be persistent,
I know when to stop trying.
I'll quit my "*******,"
Stop my "crying."
:)

the loneliness is killing me alive
it’s feasting off my fragile being
alone, locked up in my own four walls
i’m slowly starting to go berserk
i need something, just something
that does something to me

a lonely tear rolls down my face
a trembling ocean underneath my eyelids
maybe i do suffer from dopamine deficiency
maybe i am for being against it
and maybe i just have to stop believing all of the diagnoses of the frauds around me

as fast as the loneliness took me in
and the tears came
it stopped again
and the only thing remaining
was this irrepressible desire
for more more and more

How is it that I mean so little to you?
When I cry my whole heart out blue
How is it fair that I'm the one crying every night?
When you're out there living your best ******* life
Do I really mean so little to you?
After all these years of us being perfectly dued
To this thing called love...
How can I mean so little to you?
You ******* *******.

-fir.m

I just want to
    be m  i  s         s  e   d.
I just want to  
be    l  ov     e  d.
I just want to
        be with y               ou
w he n I fe  el a      lone.

im sorry
I know it takes a while for my thoughts to reach my mouth and
im sorry the delay gives you the
         wrong impression
im sorry I've been hiding how bad my trauma really is because i don't want to be known as the one with depression
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry I tried to reconnect and try to mend the bond when I know you wont change the single frozen sliver of ice in the warmth i know you have.
im sorry
im sorry
im sorry that im no longer sorry for leaving
your ice is contagious and fatal
im sorry I gave up trying to convince you that it is there
im sorry it hurts me more than it should
and im sorry i wasn't tough enough to bear the cold for longer

staring at the sidewalk the night of my birthday
i show up at your door
here for your roommate says my mouth
my tears say that i want more
its his bed i sleep in
dreaming of your lips on my skin
last summer car parked at the drive in
i was a sucker for your devil grin

Sure..

Stand there...      wait
Don't stand there...    breathe.
No..        
Wait..
don't breathe...    just feel

Nah.   Yeah..
Ya-sure...  breathe&feel

Or wait...   no..
Just-remain-silent-and-say-nothing..


Ah,  there it is...    Yasss.    Good girl.