it closes in
the waves are crashing into my lungs
the salt scratches my throat
the water pulls my limbs downward in each direction
and I am not strong enough to keep the pressure from crushing my ribs

awoken with a gasp, I fumble around my bed.
missing you comes in waves of dark blue and subtle motions
most of these past few years I've been keeping myself afloat
in the middle of a scorching hot ocean
bumping over currants
and everything is peaceful; numb
until the next storm

missing you comes in waves
of dark blue and subtle motions
then the water pours again
overwhelming my thoughts

I scream for you
but my voice is muffled
a distant memory of what we created
presses its palm against my mouth
I reach for you
extending my arms towards what seems to be an unatainable surface
but you're not there
and haven't been there for quite sometime
to pull me from the waves of this drowning sea

Some days,
I feel everything,
Crashing down on me
As if I’m an abandoned ship
In a ocean of sins.
Some days,
I feel nothing,
A touch of numbness
As a cloak of emptiness
Wraps around my body.
But I don't know what is worse,
Drowning in an ocean,
Or
Swimming to nowhere.

As the sun drips down upon the edge of the earth, the sky sheds darkness...The pain reminds me I'm still alive. Your face resides in my mind like a tatoo. I can hear your voice and feel your breathe on my neck. When I close my eyes your spirit is here. It helps me cope with your irreversible, constant negligence.

My heart, its amazing because its been beaten, broken, used, torn, kicked, shattered, thrown, cut, stabbed and it still works.

Now that I know how you roll
My heart has taken a toll
Left behind and pushed aside
Now I know that I must decide
The difference between being pushed over and being strong
I know my intentions werent wrong
I fought the good fight
Because I knew it was right
Everything I had to offer
Wasnt enough for him to bother
Its ok, there is a man out there praying for a woman like me, and when I find him, he will see
Im beautiful, ****, loving, understanding, most of all, WORTH IT.

Waking up this morning in earths dim light completely hollow from last nights fright.

Convincing myself this is all a Joke, playing along on the devils playground.

In the distance I see a mary go round, as it spins around shards of memories fly about creating burnt siena flames.

The air is no longer dim, it glows of paranormal entities of ones present state.

Becoming completely naked in front of your worst fears, those thoughts in the night that bring you tears.

Today is April Fools Day, but I'm the fool. Drowning in the blood filled pool I willingly jumped into.

Convinced I was doing the right thing, suited like a warrior princess fighting on the front lines of loves magnificence.

The war is over now. As I lie, bleeding and missing limbs I see no one in sight. This time around, I wasn't right. I lost the good fight, my spirit rises up into the light.