conversations
realizations
you
please
this
i
can't

for j.a.
012917

where have conversations gone
long time passing
where have all our love words gone
long time ago
where have all our love words gone
mobiles took them, every one
when will we ever learn
I hope they will return

where have all the mobiles gone
long time passing
where have all the notebooks gone
long time ago
where have all the kindles gone
turned to tablets, every one
when will we ever learn
there will be no return

where have all the tablets gone
long time passing
where have all the smart phones gone
long time ago
where have all these gadgets gone
been recycled every one
never they will return
never they will return

where have all the users gone
long time passing
where have all the texters gone
long time ago
there lie all the facebooks slain
people try to speak again
when will we ever learn
hope they again can learn

Look into my eyes
When I look at you
Do you see darkness?
Do you see me too?

Do you see the void
That I try to fill?
Through little exchanges
Killing silent moments that ****

Look into my eyes
Try to read more than you see
You may learn a thing or two
But can you, really, know me?

Do you see a soul
Who is as lost as you?
Do you see a friend?
Do you see an enemy too?

I was stupid to think
I could drink
The words you spoke to me
In our late night conversations
I should have read the label marked
Poison

To the man at the store
waiting in line
behind me
buying the cheap
beer and frozen pizza
The one who
pointed out the
scar of
the lowest point
in my life
I’m not sure if you
were trying to shame
me
Or if in your ignorance
you just blurted out
your opinion
without any real thought
“God doesn’t like suicide”
I really did try to smile
and walk away
because I’m not that
person
I’m not someone who
lashes out
I’m not someone who lets
words shoot forth
without thinking them
through
I don’t have shame
for this scar
It’s a reminder of
the depths of darkness
I’ve survived
And I should’ve been content
with myself for
my strength
Shouldn’t have responded to your
statement
But your smug smile
and satisfactory stance
rubbed me just
the wrong way
on just the wrong day
And the words flew off
my tongue before I
could bite them back
“Is that so? How does God feel
about back woods ignorant
*** holes with poor eating
habits and bad taste in beer?”

it's 5 am and you are probably about to wake up or still sleeping
& it's a good thing you're not the one who's weeping

it is in this time that we wait for the sun to rise up
but if i'll call you right now you are likely to hang up

it is in this few minutes that i feel alive just hearing your sleepy voice
but the thing that makes me awake now is the busy streets noise

and i miss how you say goodbye knowing that you'll call me again
but 5 am conversations with you i can no longer regain

& it gives me so much pain

The trees burn eternally
In the woods where I stay
I sweat through the hellish daylight
And retreat into the night
The charred forest is my sanctuary

I see you glowing in the constellations
I reach out to trace the stars
like the scars down your spine,
I remember watching the embers pierce you,
tears running down my face, I catch them like leaves.

Born from the ashes of deceit
I've always existed in a cursed flame
Always melting away the wounds
Which remained hidden in combustion
A loud presence, never going quietly

Watch as the roots we came from shrivel and die,
My heart beats with the rhythm of a spinning earth,
Never stopping, always spinning,
Your voices tangles in with the breeze and branches,
And remembering you is as loud as when I stand alone.

What madness, the woods are on fire
I inhale the rage and I too am engulfed
Pieces of me become lost in cinders
Voices howl in the fiery storm
It's nonsensical, but they know
New seeds grow, resistant to the flame

i cant promise the world or give you the answer to everything but i can pick of some legos because the only word i could find was "sorry".
we walked around and spotted a kid who spilled some legos in the small toy section when you compared my life to the pieces scattered everywhere. saying how hard it must be trying to put everything back together or trying to come up with something new when everything was a mess. and how hard you've tried to help me but instead it ended with you stepping on some of the pieces. and at first it was okay but after awhile it got tiring and stepping on leggos hurt more than hearing your mother say, "just wait until your father gets home" and you didnt know whether or not you could keep doing it. i loved watching you leave for all the reasons why your father hated me but this time i found myself counting every step you took back into your house.
one for every mistake and every argument we've ever had.
i still haven't figured out wheter or not this was a choppy way of saying goodbye or a choppy way of saying you idiot get your **** together or you cant keep being my idiot.

I wish I was a character in a novel
My conversations would be meticulously crafted
I would never be at a loss for....words  
There wouldn't be          long          awkward
Silences
                               Between sentences
I would never have to repeat myself
I would never have to repeat myself
I would never be unblurred
No i  said misheard
My thoughts wouldn't s-s-stutter right out of the gate
Causing a ten word pile-up in my mouth
I wish I could make life more novel
I just want to trim away all the fat
All the conversational excess
To get to the real meat of it
Do away with all conversational trivialities
And just move the plot forward