𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓞𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮 𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓵𝔂 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓻,
𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪𝓼𝓴 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓽𝓸 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓾𝓹𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵 𝓶𝓪𝓻𝓿𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓼𝓴𝔂?

Woe to the being
in its brilliance ever illuminating,
ever since it was brought out to this world

full of wonders
—you might’ve thought as such, at first—
to your initial senses
just born into the earth.
Stellar you are, and they regarded you such at first,

but considered as a constellation baffling,
soon after, thus celestial, irritating
    to their perception  
    —belonging to none
    of the earth; heathen you’ve been,

    and so that’s why, I see,
    you’re deemed a heretic.

Looking around,
you walk on the heaven’s arc
painted in all its auroral glory,

    wondering,
    ever yearning
    for the only answer they might give you someday:

    to which stars
    the people of the earth
    give their praises so pristine.

It's 11:05pm
I'm just leaving your new home
Driving 57 miles back to mine
And the dark blue sky
Reminds me of that chilling water
And the bright clouds reflecting the city lights
Reminds of those waves
I was running towards them as fast as I could
To feel like the wind was taking me with it
To break the heavy chains of our pain
We had lost touch with being alive
We were zombies holding eachother's rotting minds
But in this moment,
You were taking pictures of me
Emotions filling my face with color again
And I was free, euphoric
Escaping my mind to feel the ocean
Did you feel that too?

Do you remember what it was like
To feel love
Be loved
To know our love?
Even if it only lasted for a short time
I would do anything to feel that again
It's unlike any I've felt before
And still have yet to find again
I thought I found it once
But then manipulation carved my heart out
And I remembered you:
How good you were
How sweet
How humble
How delicate you were with me

You were so vulnerable
So new to the world
And when we got together
You didn't get somebody
Who had a fresh start like you
I had been broken
Again and again
There was so much scar tissue
That I didn't believe I could be wounded
But I was wrong
And when I started to bleed
You watched it drain out of me
Become infected
And you couldn't stop any of it
But I knew you still loved me.

How did it get so bad?
My emotions were screaming
How long did this go on?
I couldn't see what was happening to you
Until you reached that breaking point
With me in my bedroom
When did it start?
Was it gradual?
Did it sneak up quietly?
So you couldn't see it coming?
You couldn't love anything anymore
You became numb for months
You were losing pieces of yourself
As I was building my puzzle again
You fell further away from reality
As I sought connection and found it
You lost touch with yourself
What you wanted
What you needed in life
I think that destroyed you
And your innocence
And your ability to love
How did I not see the magnitude of your pain?

When I texted you
You said you were good
But when I saw you
You couldn't lie to my face
I wondered
Who had checked in with you last
To see how you were doing
Now, the scar tissue has formed once more
After all the hard work I did
I had hoped so much
That you were doing okay too
When I told you how well I was doing
You started crying
I wasn't sure if that was because
You were happy for me
Or you realized how broken you still were

Hug me again like you did in the shed
I haven't felt that since I saw you last
And I know if you said that
It wouldn't mean the same thing
Because I'm the only one
You've ever really touched
And to think you spent your entire childhood
Never being touched
I used to get so frustrated
Because you wanted my touch all the time
But it never was enough or what you wanted
And later I realized
How could you have enjoyed it?
You were numb entirely

Driving back home is torture
It feels like Olympia all over again
All I want is to be in your arms
Snuggle me tightly in bed
Be my home again
This long dark road
Is lightened by stars
And I still remember
My fingers tracing your warm skin
The constellation of freckles on your arm
The intensity of your hugs
I never wanted you to let go
So I let go instead
8 months ago
And how I wish you were still my home

If I could take your love
And hold it til we meet the sea
The horizon and the shores
Are more than a destiny

I dream of you
In multiple dimensions
You’re a world far away from here  
Even past all the stars and constellations

Memories
Shimmering and twinkling
Stars, constellations
I stretch along the night sky
So i can remember
Everything about you
It has been seven years
And I still miss
Your smile

the stars seem to have aligned this time, perhaps the first
the odds are up and not against their favor, rewritten
the sky lights up, a whole canvas of black illuminated because of them, for them-

or so they thought

too oblivious
for not far long is a meteor shower
happens only once in who knows how long
twice if you’re fortunate;
they weren’t

and so all is meant for skyfall-
asteroids, meteorites, dusts, ashes; the galaxy
their fate’s scratched upon scattered in debris
nebulas forged with everything they’ve shared
plagued in bits, slowly ceasing their existence
strings pushed, pulled, tied together
weaving in constellations shaped in the glory of their names and being
should’ve, they should’ve known from the very start
should’ve known better

that the stars were never in their favor
just setting themselves up for a trap,
****** even when lifted to the celestial
they should’ve known
the moment they first started rotating in each other’s axis
stuck on a merciless gravitational force hurtling at such a speed
down

          down

                    downwards

crashing, ****** up by a black hole

-should’ve been contented seeing each other with astral projection