A fork in the road.
Will it stab me like a knife
or spoon feed me joy?

my heart started beating rapidly
not out of Love but out of fear
distanced myself subconsciously
my mind was anything but clear

read old fun conversations
tried to recreate what’s there
but our friendship lost its foundation
yet we weren’t even aware

those arguments made me nauseous
couldn’t fight back couldn’t even speak
just became more cautious
and continued to feel so weak

suffocated in my own pain
trying to stay by your side
ended up with absolutely no gain
because what we had has died

tired of being stuck in a cage
in desperate need to flee
need to stop the constant rage
so leaving in hopes of being free

And as time flows on
Like sand falling through my fingers
My skin lines with wrinkles
And your path lingers
Turns away
Our growing shadows hinder
Hold onto our shoulders
Until they pull us down among the cinder
Soil holds us up until it holds us down
And your feet are still here
Stood next to me
But with each breath
With each blink of the eye
We yearn for more than
What's been placed in our hands
And as it all fades away
Returns back to land
I lie in wake
Of what's at hand
I'm still here
How long will you be?

Gray hairs sprouting up like testimonies
The smoke from burning bridges makes it hard to see
If I can walk back across to the other side
Just to tell you I always cared, affectionately

Leaves never fall the same way twice
To see them drop again, a kaleidoscope in descent
Pieces that come together to make a new puzzle
Under the tree, between the jigsaw creases are we both in?

i witnessed it traverse across and rip the sky open
in one big swoop

like my zipper when i
**** on the curb

careless

maybe if i cared less
it wouldn’t have affected me

this meteorite of reality

crushing all i have

i am nothing
for i am to them only
what i provide and prove
nothing more

give
give
give

silently stars cry
as we all enjoy and benefit
from the glimmer and light dance
as we all look away
while they dwarf into voids

there is a man
somewhere
in some corner of some bookstore
or bar or apartment building
filling his lungs and soul
with tar
while he wishes it was
the world
which he could watch
burn

instead of himself

and as he’s practically forced to pick a side
and pick another pick me girl
another job application
a college major
a plethora of healthy habits
yet still amongst so many
and so many choices
he sits alone

what brings despair is cheered upon
what he accomplishes is
stomped
like a bug
burned to dust
at mach speeds

the same curb he ****** on

graffiti on the wall behind it

it says
“live
love
laugh”

he
definitely
laughs

has he brought this
ying and yang of life
upon himself?

why does it all seem just bad
sometimes?

why is the joy and genuineness of people
so fleeting?

why is it ninety nine percent
utter *******
and the rest just
dark matter?

only sometimes
fluctuating into a
big bang
of the real
version of us

he tries to live
he tries to love

is there really a
*******
difference?

doesn’t one just **** you
quicker than the other?

or at least feels like it?

i’d rather laugh

i’ll just face the mirror
face them all
face all of it

and just
*******

laugh

it’s all
comedy
anyways

just let
me
****
and
laugh
in

peace
and

in
  pieces

now that
is what
i call
a genuine
choice

and i call it one
as i call my own
horrible hypocrisy

it’s the only

*******

  choice

left