how disturbingly insidious you are.
you must hate me, don't you?
i mean who are you?!

you're playing tricks on me like crazy. that's for certain. and if anything is for certain in our drug-plagued country, then it is this certainty: that you ― the child-like dictator ― want to rule over me.

let me explain to the reader why i am saying so:

an hour ago, i was taking my son to kindergarten. closely to the chest my little daughter eden; sleeping in a baby carrier.

after i had dropped off my son, ideas for new poems were going through my head.

i eventually decided to write a poem on drugs, written from the perspective of various mind-altering substances.

well. fine.

i got home. my wife took eden out from the baby carrier. i was ready to write. only one cigarette first. smoking on the balcony. don't need my kids to inhale toxical fog. and don't need to know them about my smoking habit.

suddenly, out of the blue (no: out of the dark) ―

out of the dark, you made my heart beating faster. my heart was racing. my heart was banging against my chest.
secretly, you creeped through the area between skin and soul.
seconds later, you made it somehow to reach my mind.

inside my head, you were not saying anything. i don't hear voices and i'm not crazy. (that's the second certainty i am gaining from writing this poem.)

you're not a talker, child-like dictator. you're a quiet addict, depressed and scared to speak with others. because you do fear people, closeness and love. you fear them so much that you want to do drugs in order to feel something else than fear. and to numb how afraid of love you are.

a poor creature you are. but your attempt to ****** me quietly today: it failed.

and you know why? because i have friends. and many of these friends have been struggling with their own dictatorships. feel me.

i won't let you make my decisions.
gonna stay clean.

for me. for my family.

adios amigo. don't pressure me like you do. try to love me as i love you.

try to love.
try to.
try.

mikey

Vo ek mahine phle se birthday ki excitement is saal thodi kam thi
Birthday ke din bhi birthday bali feeling thodi kam thi.
Ab mai shayad childish se thodi matured ** gayi thi.
.
Har saal ki tarah is saal mom dad se kisi mehenge se gift ki zid nhi ki thi.
Unke dil se diye aashirwaad ki khushi hi bahut thi.
Ab mai shayad childish se thodi matured ** gayi thi.
.
Bachpana jane mai vaqt thoda jyada lag gya.
Jimmedariya samjhne mai vaqt thoda jyada lag gya.
16 saal ki ** gayi thi, thodi badi ** gayi thi.
Ab mai childish se thodi matured ** gayi thi.
.
Ghar ki problems samjhne lagi thi.
Ab thoda hi sahi magar sahi aur galat mai pehchan ne lagi thi.
Ab mai childish se thodi matured ** gayi thi.
.
Jo phle papa ke paise dosto ke sath udaya karti thi.
Aaj papa ke sapne pura karna chahti hu.
Ab mai childish se thodi matured hoti ja rhi hu.
Ab mai childish se thodi matured hona chahti hu......

~your smiling queen :)

I remember walking back from school
the tenner for the bus ride in my pocket
There would be a row over why I had taken so long
But I'd gulp the sondesh down, and it'd be forgotten

The grey haired proprietor of the sweetmeat store
wore a perennial smile on his face
And sometimes I wondered if he had ever been sad
How could he with those sweets on his silver trays?

I learned to grasp the concept of gravity
when a piece of sweetmeat went down my throat
And then a lesson on quick mathematics
when the shopkeeper stretched his palm for what I owed

But sadly the chemistry book had no formula for me
to turn sugar and milk to that special treat
The report card was skewed, and the scolding that ensued
Was only remediated by my favourite sweet

I still believe
that
You're the best
I wish
I was
Not so
Childish
Not
So much
Me
My actions
I regret

I hope you know
that
Nothing
Not one
Compares
To
You

Nothing less
Than
Five stars

What I wanted to say
remains confined inside
a bitter heart broken
by what could've been -
held captive by a mere
mention of the weather.

There was no good ending.
No "happily ever after".
No redemption in our story.
We were just a childish love
driven by infatuation.

What we called "love" was
carried away by the
butterflies in our bellies.
What we called our "future"
has faded with all the
pleasant memories of us-
And now it's like it never
happened.. it was all
fabricated and fantasized
like the words I wanted to say.

I want to be happy again
I guess I’ll just hide behind
My cold eyes
And empty smiles
Looking at you
Under the guise
Of childish hopes
And broken promises