No it's fine
continue ignoring me when our eyes meet
I have nothing to say to you
but it's funny
how much I could say to her..

I'm tired of always being on edge
when it comes to you.
at one time,
for one moment,
someone else took in your mind
and i'm sorry i cant forget it.
im sorry i question you
about everything.

she makes me sick to my stomach
and the thought of you two makes me sicker.

yes you came back
on your hands and knees
and yes i forgave you
and yes i am stupid
but for once i wanted to believe in that unbeatable love
that is stupid
and crazy
with everything else in between
because everyone has that love at some point.

I was blind.
He said I was the only one,
I listened.
Not deaf...
But blind.
I can see now
But choose to be blind.
How messed up is that?

It's bad
It's hurtful
It's something I don't believe in

It's deceitful
It's disrespectful
It's something I don't believe in

It's upsetting
It's ridiculous
It's something I don't believe in

It's different
It's tempting
It's something I've done

Nothing can describe the feeling that courses through my veins, through my head, through my stomach.
I cry and shake and puke over the fact that your body has been contaminated.
The foreign hands that layed everything on you is like poisen that I have swallowed.
Making me sick, making me shake.
My insides explode and I can't handle it.
As my clothes dampen with my tears and wish I could drown in them.
Sink deep to the bottom where there are no tears, no emotion, no pain.
I cry from the hurt, the disbelief, the betrayal.
And yet I do not hate you.

I beat myself up and drive myself crazy with the thoughts of the poisen on your lips and covering your body as you throw it upon yourself and yet I do not hate you.

The daily tears, insults and bad memories are not enough because I do not hate you.

I deserve better and yet you are all I want.

But I wish I hated you.

- the girl who you used to call yours

sometimes I think I wanna fall in love
but then I remember
how cold the bathroom floor
felt on my face
and how badly I wanted to rip
the heart from my chest
and how your arms are still my home
despite how many girls you have invited in
even when it was my only residence

he never loved you
& he never will

and who's to say anyone ever will
really love you, I mean
because everyone pretends this dark part of you
doesn't exist
but to you
it's the only part left