There you are, three steps away from me
There our eyes met slowly in the middle
I hardly noticed your presence minutes ago
I’d turn away as if I never intended to do this

There you are, three steps away from me,
Denying I felt something when we were in the room
I sat at the corner of this crowded place
You came in as if something has to bloom.

There you are, three steps away from me
We’ve been in this side before, lost in crowds,
The only difference a year and eight months from now is...
I was once the one beside you.

There you are, three steps away from me.
There I’d find you in a short long distance,
It’s hard to walk there at your place,
I’d rather run miles away from that smile I used to know

There you are, three steps away from me...
I am seeing an invisible wall
You’re painted on it
Oh hello, aren’t you the stranger I used to know?

There you are, three steps away from me,
Still can’t believe I couldn’t walk up to you.
Even just to smile and say a little hello
Even just to ask how you’ve been all this time

There you are, three steps away from me.
Can’t believe I’m writing ‘bout you
A year and eight months from now
Realizing you still mattered to me somehow.

Casted over me is a loom of doom.

Chained to the negativity it becomes hard to bare.

Crushed by my despair I drag it around and wear it as my armour.

Cursing at myself for the dark emotions, I shrike alone.

Covered by love I still reject.

Cannot receive when there's no respect for myself.

Chasing away the ones I hold dear is the only way I can endure.

Carrying memories that hold me back, I relive alone.

Costs I pay for my depression.

you don't know it...

But I can't
I just cannot rip out pages from my journal
you do not understand

The only thing you understand is...

I feel like a trinket
Put up on a shelf
Only to be admired
You can only look
But please it's not a toy
Only taken down
for a minute or two
Then back to the shelf I go
You can't imagine
the thoughts or the feelings
I may have
It's easier to just put me on a shelf
How is this better
Why am, I not to be enjoyed
I know quite alot
I got a great sense of humor
But this isn't funny
Now ya got me feeling like a trinket
Can't tell me it's ok
I just can't live this way
Sitting on a shelf
This I cannot do
© Jennifer Delong 9/28/18

They say you can't love others
If you can't love yourself
But some of us love others so much
That we have no love left for ourselves
And that's the thing about people
Who mean everything they say
They think everyone else does too

how are you meant
to know what to do
with this one life
which you cannot undo
there is so much
to this thing called reality
getting everything right
seems far from practicality
i'm doing my best
like so many of us are
i just need direction
before i travel too far