im addicted
im addicted to hating myself
im addicted to crying over you
im addicted to longing for the warmth of your touch
im addicted to reliving moments in my head i would give anything to get back
im addicted to looking at you and still getting butterflies
i know i shouldn't, but that's why its called an addiction

Conflicted
Internally tormented
Butterflies come alive
Just beneath the flesh
Some with
Wings of razors
Others soft as silk

Call the exterminator
The pests won't leave me be
They flutter about
Collide and ****
Dead ones floating in the blood

- Jay M
December 8th, 2020

I miss love in my life.
Where are you? I miss you.
Did you forget my address?
It's too long I didn't feel butterflies.
When to meet my bellowed.
Butterflies are not here anymore.

I´ll be there when you will come.
And you will give me everything what I miss.
What I even didn´t know I need.
I need to feel more like me.
Like me before.
It will be my new me belonging to you.

I once mistook the fresh soil
you poured
down my throat
for butterflies.
But love should not
crawl
deep inside you
And tie
your vocal chords
in knots.

Gardens now infest my lungs
in the same ****** place
where you carefully
dug yourself
a grave.
I make bouquets
with the flowers
that burst
from the rotting marrow
of your
bones.
            —“your absence taught me fertility”

My body causes
a chemical reaction,
with the help from
the laws of attraction.

I store a nectar
my pheromones release,
it serves a delicious
butterfly feed.

Oxytocin
is what it's called,
in my belly is
where it’s installed.

The butterflies swarm
when oxytocin’s produced.
They come to digest
the catalytic juice.

Flipping and turning
eating ravenously,
filling me with bliss
a divine ecstasy.

There is no other feeling
that I can compare,
when the butterflies dine
from my stomach lair.

That feeling you get
In your stomach
When your heart's broken.....
It's like all the butterflies just.....
Died.

How long has it been
since you felt the butterflies
flying from within?

3:49 PM
5/11/20