It has been a long time since I know you

Years after years of friendship

Still everyday is a new discovery

- It was comforting


And it has been my familiarity to see your face

Like of those of your gentle smile

That have become my everyday view

From morning to the end of every day's session

- It was comforting


But nonetheless, I never knew I was slowly falling for it

Even in your mere presence

In your mere peaceful silence

- It was comforting


Reminiscing to those mementos

Of those times I spend with you

Keeps the butterflies in me out of control

- It was comforting

But I know it won't be for always.

My rib cage struggles to contain
The tornado of butterflies
That thud off the glass of my chest
Like a bird on a freshly cleaned window

They then take a sharp turn, in synchronicity
Like a flock of starlings over an open field
And dive into my stomach,
Pulling up just before they hit the bottom

I reach into my head in hopes of salvation
But what once rested between my ears is gone,
Leaving only a post-it note that reads
“be back soon, went to market”

Each breath that leaves my body is on fire
And my legs get heavier with each step
My vision is blurred, my voice is small
And I am not a man, and I am not a human, but I am a feeling

Panic

I find it strange that when I look into your eyes I'm not met with an endless starry sky. The world around me doesn't freeze or turn monochrome around everyone but you. I don't see an endless sea or visions of a setting sun, no matter my determination. So how do I know it is love if it isn't as the words I've heard all my life describe?

Yet my heart still drops when you walk into the room, even when your focus is a place far off. People say it's like a flutter but this is far too heavy to use such a light word to describe such a feeling. It's painful, but I know it isn't something ominous or bad because it feels right. How do I know it is love if none if my words describe it right as they should?

I get it every time our eyes meet or you tilt your head and smile with your head in the clouds. I get it when you laugh to yourself or say something hardly above a whisper. When you focus so hard you ***** up and let out that silly sigh of aggravation and I feel such deep affection. Yet is it alright for me to say what I feel is love when I can't even tell myself what love is?

I don't think your eyes need starry skies or my stomach needs a million butterflies. Your smile doesn't need to illuminate the room and my thoughts for you don't need an anchor. Your love shouldn't have an expectation and my words don't need to have a proper diction.

Perhaps I'll see it in your heart or feel it in your touch one day if you feel the same regardless of what the world has sold me with their modern day poetry. I promise you that no matter how hopeless I become I will find out for myself  what it means to love you wholly, even if I have to find out from loving at a distance.

Two bold butterflies flutter by
Like lovers, reaching up to kiss the sky

Down swoops a radiant raven
Beak open and ready for the ****

Yet as it speeds down
It falters and glides past

Today it spares the lovers
While it carries on it's merry way looking for another meal

They were ignorant to the danger,
Consumed by eachothers love and blind to the world

The raven was like a warning of an unavoidable conflict
Possible to stall, inevitable in the end

But not today,
Today is for the butterflies

I have written a lot of poems about
heartbreak
but not a lot about falling in love
I guess it is easier to write about
someone once they are gone
no risk of exposing the heart
to see it stamped on and
handed right back
but today, I want to talk
about the butterflies
and I know
it's cliché
but the way my whole body
flutters around you is not
unlike that of a butterfly
the way my body
explodes with colour
a kaleidoscope of pink
yellow
and green
how they live inside of my
mouth;
falling out when I try and
find the words to speak
and I may find it hard to
write about love
but let me say this
the skeleton of the butterfly
exists outside of its body
and when I am with you
I feel all so exposed
like everything inside of me
is on display
bare
but not afraid
never afraid
so I promise
to breathe poetry
into my lungs
and onto the page
into poems that start
with your name

I hugged a tree
And asked for guidance
The tree whispered

It is not the outside that matters
Only inside
Enter the altar in your heart
Suffused
with the fragrance of love
Light the lamp of silence
Bask in the beauty
Of
Yellow butterflies

Scoop it all up
The light, the love and beauty
And sprinkle it all around
with each word, smile and action
On people, animals and the stars
On the sun and babies
And on the waves and clouds
On toothless grandmas
And little flowers
Keep on and on and on
Living and giving

In that sublime temple
Of God
This creation.

gurgling around the rim of my insides
come alive when your name lights up my screen
lights up my face with a widespread smile
sparkling for ages and doesnt dare to disappear
never want you to fade.
in such little time, youve made the butterflies come alive
made a connection with them
theyre clinging on to you, they trust you
itll hurt if you leave them all alone
theyve been hurt, theyve built walls
but their soft spot is for a cute face
so bingo, youve got the advantage
dont manipulate this please
youve got so much power
over the butterflies on my insides

let me lay down some facts

fact is; the minute before i meet you i still get butterflies.
every photo of you that you send makes the whole world quiet
you made me pick up my guitar again
you made want to pick up the microphone again
the violin
to sit down at the piano and learn.
you made me want to be better not only for myself, but for you.

fact is; the smell of your hair can send me to sleep
the sight of your eyes can make the floor seem steep
i'm falling.
the touch from your hands set me on fire
the taste from your lips like sweet oxygen brings me back to life
as if for the moments before, i wasnt really alive.
the sound of your voice makes everyone else's fade away...

fact is; your laugh
oh my dear girl your laugh....
makes me smile like angels are singing.
and your cry
makes my arms automatically fall open
aching for you to be within them
because darling within them
no one can hurt you
no one can touch you
and everything is okay.

fact is; you taught me that i can trust again
you taught me what making love means
truly means.
because in the winter we learnt what it means together
and i wouldn't of had it any other way.

fact is; i cant stand the thought of you being hurt.
so i ask when i seem too persistent or annoying when asking you
it's only because i care.

fact is; when it feels like no ones out there
when it feels like the world is too big to handle
i promise you i'm still here
i promise you i'll hold your hand
i promise you that everything will be alright
because i care.
because i will do anything to make sure you're safe.

fact is;

...you're the first and last thing i think about in the day.
if my pillows could read minds
my bedsheets would be covered in your name.

fact is;

I love you.


and i just thought maybe you needed reminding of that.