I'm falling in more ways than one...

....once again the cycle resets.


It takes so much to stay standing,
to remain firmly grounded.

When I feel happiness...
sadness follows in the absence,
replacing the gratefulness I should feel.

This discontent, stirs my emotions,
into a never-ending turmoil.

I am consumed in my greed.
The tease is never enough.

This life refuses to be fabricated.

Pieces lay scattered among the dust.

These winds never relent,
making it impossible to gather the crumbs.

Unable to make determinations from the debris,
I cannot seem to collect myself.

Brief bursts of effort, come and go...
this energy, so difficult to muster.

Without consistency, I am faltering..
never steady and always full of extreme highs and lows.

Now that I've tasted life with you,
I am bound to torture...

..the torture of being without your love.

In every aspect of my life,
I am getting most of what I need....
just not enough of it.

I have family with me.....but not enough of them.
I have the love of my life.....but not by my side each day.
I have two jobs.....but not enough money to cover those needs, or any wants.
I have clothing.....but they are worn and need replacing.
I have food.....but just barely an appetite.

I am hardly able to keep myself together,
physically or mentally....

....I can't seem to stop falling,
regardless of the several times I keep getting back up.

The last hope I have to hold onto, is you.

I need the strength you give me, to face the day.
I need the love you give me, to keep the sadness away.
I need you to hold me, and tell me it's going to be okay.

I need to be able to share the love in my heart,
that I hold only for you.

You are the glue to my life; what is keeping me together.

I'm sorry...

You can see it in their breath
Thumos
Persuade   words
    Relayed   souls
Believe inside
            Faith does reside
Whose ears to hear
   Let listen let learn
Burden again
Salvation will win

You said
"you are so tired" and smiled
the warmth bringing expectation
a need to please

so I made all of the right noises
and you commenced to reduce me
of the burden of my clothes.

eyes closed
body supine,
languid and lying
mouth still.

I'm filled to the brink,
Pouring over the edges of my mind.
You left me running,

like a faucet,

without the time to catch my breath.

My feet touch down and I walk
Sure and steady,

trying desperately not to spill a drop.

my head has been expecting
something I cannot explain
a blending of the senses
to unsettle the mundane
and at the peak of madness
I will ask myself to leave
to tarry in the stillness
of my transient reprieve
I need to speak with someone
who would never do the same
a person with a body
that's forever His to claim  
I'll banter with my being
'til my words appear to be
a message to the people
of the soil and the sea
return to me the burden
that was light upon my back
I cannot be the human
I am ready to attack

Beginning like every other day,
my eyes open reluctantly.

Dragging myself out of bed,
it is time to face the silence.

Another day to manage,
still attempting to survive.

Wondering why it is,
that I get out of bed at all.

Those who are not a victim,
to the tight hold of depression,
cannot fathom the meaning,
beyond the syllables.

Even the truest descriptions,
cannot paint the picture,
in it's entirety.

To say, I feel empty;
could never explain enough.

To cry, bearing pain;
could never release enough.

To scream, with frustration;
could never show enough.

We smile, in hope that it helps,
to not bring those down around us.

As we breakdown repeatedly,
we are always lost within.

A burden; is an understatement.

Depression is like a cancer,
embedded deep into your cells,
draining the life from you,
with little hope for the end.

For no reason, other than love,
do I face the day and try again.

If I did not love those in my life,
I would not get up to be there.

Still, I try my absolute best,
to do what I can for others,
knowing there is nothing,
they can do to help me.

Shoulder blades collapse;
Burdens seemingly falter.
Let the hours beware.