i don't know what's wrong with me
but something was happening so long ago
and it still repeats in my head
makes me want to shut my eyes and go

i don't know what's wrong with me
but i can't talk about it
no matter how hard i try
i'm just to scared to admit that i've been through some ****...

i don't know what's wrong with me
every time i see those awful people
every time there's a loud noise or a crowded room
it just reminds me that the whole world is sheeple

i don't know what's wrong with me
their words repeat in my head in an infinite loop
their mocking keeps coming up
feels like i'm in a boiling *** of trauma soup...

haha i don't ******* know what's wrong with me!!!

Maybe I'm going crazy
Because I think I might like him.
I might want him to like me
Am I going crazy???
Because it sure feels like it.
Haha maybe I am 😅
Maybe I have a crush
Maybe
Just maybe
He does too

Questions... After questions... after questions
Is it worth it? am I?
What if I didn't exist? Shall I?
Pain. Why is it endless? Shall I end it?
Flashbacks. Why did I go through that?
Happiness... when? Where? How?
Questions... after questions... after questions
Love. What is it? Where's mine?
Peace... must be death... right?
Fear. Why the constant fear?
Questions, after questions... after questions.

perhaps it is less than great,
maybe a poor mediocre,
but such as it is, is mine,
unique, and it gifts me
easy expression of my
experience, conveying
my excitations, aliving,
freely divining what’s
within and without,
and to exhale said
thoughts and
observations

si so

we can be apart and together,
touch without touching, e v e n
love each other with our e v e r
meeting and that miracle presents
and is a present, this presentation
of my cells impressed upon yours,
thus fashioning newly creative
combinations…

this is what I am thinking,
this is what I am divining,
this is what my reasoning,
permits, encourages, creates
and with your reading this,
cements us in ways unseen
all the b u t s…and hesitation
marks that disconnect us,
are sundered and we are
a forever till reason no longer
matters, or our cells can no
longer divide and recombine
and reproduce our memories,
which are our connective tissues…

nml
3:39am
10-20-24

Many thoughts, are always traveling,
In and out, through energy, confusing my mind,
Messages for now, or notes for a future time,
As the information, is sorted, and stored in my brain,
They can range from funny, to wondering, if I’m going insane,
I could not imagine, how many brain cell’s I have gone through,
I’m glad they naturally replace themselves,
For over a half century of life so far, this time, I’ve fried a few.


                                                          ­                                                              
                The Original: Tom Maxwell © 10/04/2024 AD