03.09.2013
i've gone to bed around 7 today. the feeling of being awake without you is becoming unbearable. i still don't understand why you left. i never got any explanation. i miss you. everything is so cold. i think i want to die.

31.10.2013
i tried using ***** to make someone's lips taste like yours. but when i kissed them it felt like i was pouring my blood into a bottomless vase and everyone could see how i was failing miserably at trying to fill an empty well with a handful of water.

14.11.2013
i barely leave the house because i'm afraid that i might see you with him. you always look so happy. why do you look so happy without me. you said you loved me.

22.12.2013
i tried turning my sadness into a corpse of words and the burying it in 6 feet of blank pages, but every night i am visited by the ghost of the feelings i attempted to forget.

03.01.2014
it's been so long since i've had alcohol in my system. i've become numb enough to no longer need substances to make me forget whatever is happening around me. the pain has faded over time, but i still don't feel any less dead, let alone alive.

10.02.2014
my parents keep asking me why i'm always so quiet. thing is that i could never answer them, because your name is constantly clogging my throat. i see you in everything around me and late-night breezes have started to sound like lost echoes of your voice. your smell is still clinging to my sheets. god, help me.

15.03.2014
i'm drunk again. i miss you and everything hurts. i couldn't resist. i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm so so sorry i love you i miss you please come back i love you i love y

You have your hands around her neck yet she's not afraid. She's so love struck she doesn't feel your grip getting tighter. She gasps for air but you're giving her "love" so she doesn't care. You hold her tightly behind your back not letting anyone see that she's your back up, your plan B. Her delicate hands Trimble and you don't care because the power you posses over her is too addictive for you to let go of. Your evil deceiving words assuring love and protection melt her heart, but your promises never fulfilled. Twisting her words making HER the one at fault for all of your ***** ups and misconceptions. Her heart longs to be accepted, to be "good enough" for you. When she is a sweet daisy trying to grow through rocks and thistles, you are but **** on a gym shower room floor. You will NEVER deserve this flower, this gem, that you think you have control over. One day this princess will become a queen, fight for what she wants and what she deserves.

You are like a drug and I am addicted. My first taste was strange and uncertain yet so delightful. My second was lovely and I knew I wanted more. Before long I was craving you uncontrollably, unable to function until I got a little bit of you. I was told that this would happen but I didn't heed the warnings that were clearly on the label. My under aged immaturity begged for more until I didn't even enjoy it I just HAD to have it. You started tasting bitter and became hard to choke down, but more I wanted still. I blinked and it was killing me. I shoved more down as I gasped and struggled for air. As I breathed a breath I thought would be my last, I finally put you down and walked away. Five months I spent separated from the substance I knew would be the end of me. I am clean and sober now but I still crave your warmth. I pass by others addicted to the thing I once loved and sometimes wish I had never left. But because I did, I am free and can never go back. I am clean but why do I still crave you as I did? Because your drug is the heaviest I know and the most addictive thing I have ever tasted. The buzz that you give can light the lowest of the low, and that is a power so high, I will never let in between my fingers again.

I don't know how to put into words the way I feel about you. The hugs I give you and the millions of kisses I plant are not enough.
I want to show you more.
I want to tell you more.
I want to take you on a tour of my mind and of my heart. That way, you can hear what I think when your name falls off my tongue. The way my heart races when your voice plays through my head.
I want you to explore those day dreams I have while I should be taking notes in class.
I want you to know how much you mean to me, but words just don't do that.

When can we call a cease-fire?
When can I raise my white flag?
We were never at war
I think all failed to see
The sadness in us
Wasn't meant to be
Ive gone back again
To writing with pen
Emotion and thoughts
Jumbled up on the page
Oh when can you,
Raise your white flag?
Boys aren't supposed to
make girls fight themselves
Friendship is meant to be shared
And hate, well I'd say,
Is not welcome here
Feelings come and they go
Mine are long gone
I don't mind if yours are
It's okay if they stay, I won't
Get in the way.
I wonder if you, please
Would like to make,
Peace with me?

when it's 2 in the morning
and I cannot sleep again
I might as well think
which has made me worry

I never truly say
anything that deep or cheesy
but I love things like that
the little yet huge things

all the cheesy statements
that I seem to under-appreciate
but I really do love them
they're my favourite part of the day

though words on a small screen
are easy to read and write
I cannot properly express how much
something means to me in person

so allow me to say it now
it does mean so much
especially when it's 2 in the morning
and I cannot sleep, yet again

now that I've properly
read your card to me
and it is 2 in the morning
I must say

thank you

the card stated what
is almost impossible to say
my favourite was the back
you said I mean a lot

no really, thank you

it's impossible to put
into words how much
I care for you too
but I know poems are lame

but seriously, thanks

it means so much
that you took the time
to write that card
though I am slow

thank you so much

I don't appreciate things
when I first get them
it has to be 2 in the morning
for me to really think about them

I cannot say thanks enough

so really thank you
it's hard for me to say
how much I care for you
but it's easy at 2 in the morning