I'm not perfect
Not even close
But I swear,
I'm trying

I study
For hours
Then deny it
The next day
For only
The nerds
Study

I plan
My outfit
Each night
But it's carefully planned
To not look carefully planned,
So no one knows
It took effort

I know I'm not perfect
Not even close
But I swear,
I'm trying

I give it my all
But all I get
For my efforts
Is a growing stack
Of mistakes
And errors

I'm beginning to think
It's not worth it

Maybe I should just
Shut up
And give up

Never bother anyone
With my words again

I know I'm not perfect
Not even close
But I swear,
I'm trying

However,
I am close
To giving up

Dear, won't you tell me,
Whenever you are silent,
What bothers you so?

They tell you there's a light at the end of the road
They tell you there's a life for all those they've told

They told me I'd be alright, all I had to do was breathe
But I've been breathing since the day I was born
And I can tell you it hasn't kept me "fine"

They tell you I'm crazy,
They tell you I'm lazy,
but what they don't tell you is how I struggle to get out of bed
what they don't tell you is how close to death I've been
what they don't tell you is how strong I am.

They told me it happens all the time,
they told me soon the sun will shine
they told me many things that were all lies.
What they didn't tell me was that I was crazy,
that I was lazy,
Because what they told me was I would be fine.

But all they've done is make me crazy,
make me mad and desperate for relief from shame
shame that I shouldn't have for needing help
shame that I shouldn't have for bleeding out
shame that I shouldn't have for opening up
but it is a shame that I bear
because they told you I was crazy
and they told you I was shady.

I'm just me. And I'm having trouble being that today.
So please don't tell me that I'm crazy,
because I'm actually quite nice
I'm actually quite fun.
If you'd bothered to get to know me
you would have known all this stuff.
But you didn't.
Because you believed them when they told you I was crazy.

Organic tea is enough for me.
Go p
       i
        s
          s
             on some
    other tree.

A lot of times I text you first.
No.
All the time.

A lot of times you answer.
No.
Only sometimes.

I wonder if I bother you, and so I don't text you for a while

but ultimately I need you.
I need you to answer me.

So I texted you tonight.
I'm still waiting for an answer...

I know the cliched answer;
good is more powerful than evil!
Yet, a newspaper filled with positive
will not sell a copy
standing next to an article
filled with drama and bloodshed.

Same in life -
try and toe the line,
good and sacrificial 99% of the time.
Yet, for that one small mistake
I'm crucified and left to the dogs

Chastised and unforgiven.

Why the hell do I even try?