He rubbed at his head, a stinging kind of numbness,
bloodied pieces of his own skin were stuck there now, he wiped it on his sweater
(that used to be blue, now it was mostly this muddy brown-purple color from the blood and dirt)
he thought for sure that he was dying, he was abandoned there,
out in some alleyway.
someone had taken him out to the garbage, he had no idea who, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
he leaned against the building, bleeding and thinking.
he wondered if he’d get a gravestone.
his mom was dead now, why would he?
he didn’t die that day
he got to live another year,
but he never did get a gravestone.

he was buried in his childhood home’s backyard,
a few steps away from where his sister was buried alive, he wondered where she was now that he knew she hadn’t died. he hoped she somehow found him. he hoped the tragedy of her little brother lying ****** in an unmarked grave was enough for her to forgive all he’d done.
he didn’t regret it,
it was always going to end this way.
he’d carry no guilt to his hole in the ground.

they are disgusted by my blood
yet they yearn to see me bleed
they listen to my screams
and watch as im torn by the seams
i lie awake in bed
thoughts slicing through my head
less than
more than
i am no more than
a silly naiive little girl
trapped in this body
on display to the world.
a basket case
lost in haze

overflowing, my heart, a torrential tide,
Words falter, emotions I cannot confide.
To love so fiercely, yet know it will not stay,
A cruel, aching truth that will not go away.

my heart, unbridled, runs wild toward you,
defying my reason, defying what is true.
each offering of love met with barren air,
An endless void, a silence unfair.

I cry out, scream, a battle in vain,
fighting shadows absorbing the pain.
the emptiness grows, a consuming abyss,
feeding on love, on moments I miss.

oh, how I long for your warmth, your care,
but the universe answers with desolate stares.
this love is a tether, a soul bound chain,
a curse unbroken, a beautiful pain.

to love this deeply is to burn and bleed,
to nurture a flower that turns to a ****.
yet still, I cling to the ghost of your name,
bound by the fire, consumed by the flame.

a love so eternal , a wound so profound,
a curse the echoes, no solace found.
but in this despair, a paradox lies,
for even in ruin, my heart cannot disguise.

So I bear this torment, this ache, this fight,

A beacon of love in an endless night.

For though it destroys, it is a truth I can not flee:

Loving you deeply is the curse that is me.

I am holding onto the thorns of the rose,
It pains me, I bleed, I cry.

It pains me, I bleed, I cry,
Yet I am still holding onto it.

I am so bewitched by its beauty,
That I didn't notice it slowly withering,

I was so into loving it,
That I didn't notice, it isn't immortal,
And it will wither,
Breaking my soul.

It pains me, I bleed, I cry
Not because of the thorns but it withering.

Just as it,
I was so into loving him,
I didn't notice his love withering,
I forgot one's love isn't always immortal as mine is.
I didn't see him leave.....
Breaking my soul.

It pains me, I bleed, I cry
Not because him leaving me is painful,
But him not loving me as I love him is.

Still hurting, still bleeding,
Still reeling, still feeling.

Drowning in self-pity,
Confronting reality,
Where not everything
is easy.

Hopelessly broken,
Trying to find a way
To pick up the pieces.

But he keeps falling
Behind, and left
Oh so traumatized.

Shaking, trembling,
Unable to align as
The pieces fall and
Say their goodbyes.

He realizes
He's got to let it go
Or risk being
Left behind.

Left on the floor bleeding
Sitting in the shower crying
As a child never understanding
Waking from sleep to a beating
Bleeding from head to toe
Wanting to know where the hell you go
Leaving the house to let the abuse happen
At 5 had to protect my sister
Stop his *** abuse against her
Getting chased from the home
Being shot at wishing he was just gone
Guess you just didn't want to be alone
But what you let him do was just wrong
Left on the floor bleeding
Sitting in the shower crying
How could you let this happen

Written by
Michael Matthews