I'd rather risk her knowing the truth
Than lose her.

How could I possibly love them both?
It just doesn't make any sense.
It shouldn't work that way.
It doesn't work that way.
It isn't right.

And yet...
His smile...
Her eyes...
His laugh..
Her lips...

I can't ignore the fact
That I feel the same emotions
For both of them.

There are certain things
That I simply can't deny.
My body and my heart
Will not allow it.

And yet...
I hide...
I fear...
I lie...
I change...

And yet...
I still feel the same.

He was the only guy I met
Who wore a genuine fedora
And for all he struck a figure
He turned out to be a horror.
He was Satan with a swagger
A thin cheroot hanging in his lip.
He got into every nightclub free
I never saw him leave a tip.

His voice was like his words,
Smooth and slick and few.
When he talked everyone listened.
It seemed the proper thing to do.
But later when you remembered
It seemed he didn’t say much at all.
You just remembered his affect
His posture and that he was tall.

I don’t mean to imply he was a loner;
He had his choice of friendly fare.
And, it seemed the were both genders
So, there were lots of us out there.
We entertained, or at least we tried,
Just to keep him where we were.
And throughout the evening’s fun
Competition is what we all were.

So, we flirted and we flattered him
And we kept his cigarettes well lit.
Once in a while one of the silliest
Of our sycophantic group threw a fit.
Most of the time we stuck to our goal;
Some girl went nuts we’d ignore her.
For some mad reason all we thought
Was to please the man in the fedora.


I never heard anyone talk of him
And mention his accent or race.
In fact nobody seemed to be able
To remember aspects of his face.
And he never seemed to walk away
He just faded back into the flora.
He was like a will-of-the-wisp;
A Flying Dutchman in a fedora.

You're so greedy
They said
Pick a side
They said
You're such a ****
They said
Their words like knives
My blood spilling freely like insults from their mouths
I can't choose
I'll never choose
To choose would be to lose half of myself
All I want is to love freely
How can you hate my for that?
How can you cut me with your words and expect me to heal?
Nothing is wrong with me
Nothing is wrong with me except the deep cuts your words leave on my heart
I can't stop the bleeding;
The only way to stop it is to choose a side, but that would leave an even deeper scar
But
those knives were not aimed for me
No
they were aimed for the word above my head
What I call myself
My own label
Bisexual
I'm just the person below the word
My body taking the hits
Bruised and bleeding tears of frustration and sadness
The knives will not stop
Make them stop
Before my blood runs drier than the sand in the hourglass that is the only one that knows how much longer I can take the pain
Make them stop,
before it's too late

She grips her sides with laughter
He kisses her through his smile.
She looks into his eyes at once
And they radiate his joy.

She comes around the corner
Just moments ago she was nothing,
But when she glances at them
She becomes all things at once.

She cannot let this show now,
To him or her or others.
They have something together,
So does she.

So she goes off to her lover
And they share some time together,
With all the laughter and the kisses
Those two shared.

But every chance she gets
She will peer around the corner
To catch another glimpse of them
To covet their true love.

And then one day they spot her.
They catch her hand in passing
And hold on to her breath
Till morning comes.

They all share in this feeling,
With him and her and her.
They're caught up in emotion
When the sunrise light breaks forth.

And she leaves her magic slipper
Like a modern Cinderella,
But as they hold it in their hands
It is her heart.

So she goes off to her lover
And they share some time together.
With all the laughter and the kisses
Those three shared.

She's in her clothes
And on her lips
Her kiss is there forever.

He takes her in
With all his love
And brings her all together.

She smells so sweet
And tastes of lust
And true love for another.

He's in her mind
And on her tongue
He says she's oh so clever.

Her scent is on her shirt now.
The one he now slips under.
Her fingers through her hair now.
His mind is on no other.
She's puling her in close now.
His lips upon her collar.
She smells just oh so sweet now.
He whispers oh so clever.

He lifts her off her feet
And he pulls her back inside,
She had come out of that closet
Weeks ago.

He grips her sides
And moves in close
With his heartbeat
Matching hers.

She lives within this moment
And she never wants an ending.
She's wrapped up in his need
For all she has.

She tries to pull him with her,
Bring him outside of that small room
So dark and closed and empty
In her heart.

But as she puts her lips on his
And he begins to move them downward
She loses all the thoughts
Within her head.

He accepts her and she knows it
And that makes her love him deeper
But he cannot understand
The way she feels.

When she's outside of that small space
She can feel all that desire
For the strength of his hand
And the small of her back.

But when she's back inside that closet
He is all that is within her
And she knows it would be easier
To just stay hidden up in there.

But it cannot be that simple
Not for her or for another
And she knows that she can't hide it
For this long.

So she'll let out all these feelings
In that small and empty closet
As he lifts her off her feet
And he pulls her back inside.

"I love you." she says
And she means it.
"I love you." she says
And it's true.

"I love you." he says
And he needs it
To hear her say
"I love you too."

"I need you." he says
And he means it.
"I need you." he says
And it's true.

"I need you." she says
And she needs it
To hear him say
"I need you too."

"I love her." she says
And she means it.
I love her." she says
And it's true.

"I love her." she says
But she fakes it
And all except her always
Knew.

"I need her." she says
And she feels it
"I need her." she says
And it grew.

"I need her." she says
But she knows it
Is a need that will never go
Through.

"I'm sorry." she says
And she means it
"I'm sorry that I love her too."

"I'm sorry." he says
And he pleads it
"That this has been troubling you."

"I'm losing." she says
And she means it.
"I'm lost and don't know what to do.
I love him and her and I mean it.
And I know that they both love me too.
I won't leave his arms to go with her,
For I know her love isn't true.
But that will not stop all these feelings
From popping up out of the blue."

And her kisses were fading,
They were growing ever slower
As they moved away from her
Over to him.

And she always saw it coming,
They were never truly lovers,
But it hit her in the stomach
Just the same.

And now that she has left her
And she went off to her other,
She doesn't really know
Just how to feel.

Because while she may have her other,
As her never lover did,
The loss she feels
Is ever just the same.

Dear world,
    I have something I have been dying to tell you.

For some time I have known something about myself that most of you don’t.
        I know myself better now than I ever have before.

So I have decided to end my hiding.
to let myself live in the light from now on

I spent far too long wondering how you would react when I told you.
Now I know,
how you react is not my choice
it is yours alone
I am who I am
I cannot change and I don’t even want to
I am not ashamed
I am no longer afraid

Your acceptance and love is valuable
but I can stand on my own feet
and
when I my feet get tired and my legs grow weak
they will catch me.
I am loved
I am accepted
And love overcomes all.

So when finally break down the final wall of this cage and I tell you
***
Whether you choose to love me for me
or not
I will be okay
because
I am loved
I am accepted
and I am strong
We are strong and we are not going away

I am the same me
I will speak
I will be a voice for the voiceless
I will be me
and I will never be silent