i’m trying to see what you meant
-when you said she was our kind of beautiful.

our skin is the same, a pimple in the same place,
and the same hair and color.

but have you seen your eyes?
in mine they looked golden.
and then green.
and then yellow, brown and back to gold again.

i know you’ve felt my hair,
and it felt softer in your hands
-you made it beautiful.

the comb, the brush
and my only regret was i didn’t do yours.

i also remember this
-you said you liked this clip,
this dress.

well the dress is still hanging,
and you can be sure i’ll wear it,
next time.

sometimes
            
                i really want a juicy ripe deliciously sweet pineapple on a hot summer day the way the juice drips down my chin as i devour the sweet succulent fruit


other times

                i might want a healthy green fruit to snack on such as an avocado feeling the rough interior skin only to cut it open and find the soft green buttery deliciousness inside i love the way my lips feel as the smooth flesh hits my throat with flavor

you see
                
                i like both of these fruits being bisexual is like
enjoying these fruits i will always like both but on some days i might want more of the other but no matter what i will always love both

The third stair from the bottom always creaked.
I always forgot,
So I’d always get caught.
The bi-annual outburst of my rebel-ness always resulted in tears.
And blue hair.

I bought darker lipstick from Walmart, back when
we lived in a small town.
I’ve worn it, but
never outside of my bedroom.
Never worn any lipstick, outside of my room.
Mom would freak if she knew I had it,
just like when my shorts didn’t cover my knees.
There’s a reason I wear leggings so often.

I can’t wait to get out of this place-
Hot, crowded, cacti.
I’ve said it before,
and I’m making plans, but everyone says
“you’ll be back in two years.”
I don’t want to. But I’m scared I will.

My sister claims I’m going to get married right out of high school.
Considering the .5 dates I’ve gone on, I’m doubtful.
And to who? who knows. She’s expecting a guy.
I’m not so sure- of any of her predictions.

she was lain on my bed,
fully clothed,
and **** at the same time.
**** because I've seen her,
the true her.
**** because her smile was natural,
not forced.
her laugh was intoxicating,
her voice was addicting.
the simple touch of her hand,
brought fire among my skin.
I've seen her,
and never have I ever,
seen someone as beautiful as she.
she was lain on my bed,
and now it smells like her.
so now as I lay me down to sleep,
I hug my pillows and covers to me.

You know.
It's true what they say.
That once you fall asleep in the arms of your lover,
You can't sleep alone anymore.
Something doesn't feel right.
Something is always off.
The feel of her body,
Her warmth,
Her breath,
As she lays behind me,
Clutching on to my waist,
Is a feeling that gets you intoxicated just thinking about it.
Gets you high without realizing it.
You do that once,
You can't not do it again.
Because then you'll constantly feel alone.
In the dark.
Always thinking back to a time,
When she was lain behind you,
And when she held you close,
So close that you almost morph into one.
So now as I lay here,
Clutching onto a pillow that smells of her,
I keep hoping that this pillow,
Will turn into her,
So that I don't have to sleep alone tonight.

the difference between feeling guilty
and feeling ashamed
is that society creates shame
and guilt is within yourself.
and i do not feel guilty for who i am.


― something i learned about being queer

Not a day goes by that I don’t think
about the way your hands felt
intertwined with mine, or the way
your hair gently danced on your
shoulders, or how your dimples
would form into canyons when I
made you laugh, or how your
freckles were their own tiny
constellations in the night sky,
or how the sound of your voice
could calm the harshest storms,
or when I kissed you it felt like I was
myself and I was comfortable
with you, with us... and I can’t
shake the feeling that maybe
somewhere I went wrong... I was
silly to hide you from the world
when you deserved to be every
billboard in the world. I was young,
and you were the first girl I ever
kissed, and that scared me.

t.h.

she is so beautiful.
just looking at her
makes my heart race.
her smile is the most beautiful
thing, besides her existence.
talking to her is a breath of fresh air.
she's everything i want.
she's everything i need.
yet,
she's everything i can't have.
she and i, we have a love that is
forbidden.
the places we live are not real homes.
we do not feel safe,
and so we hide our love.
closed doors,
far away places.
we hide where they cannot see.
they can't see her lips on mine,
or hear the words we exchange.
we hide from the ones we love.
our families,
we love them,
but if they knew the truth,
they would no longer
love us.
in their eyes,
two girls in love?
"it's just a phase."
they'll say.
they could never
understand us.
my darling,
you and i are forbidden.

MY SEXUALITY IS NOT SOMETHING FOR YOU TO GAWK AT

MY LOVE IS NOT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT

OUR KISSES ARE NOT PERFORMED FOR YOU

WE ARE NOT AN EXHIBIT THERE FOR YOUR VIEWING

'TOGETHER' DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU

SO KINDLY *******