#anorexia poems on Hello Poetry

Moni Aug 2018

Untitled

The girl with a beautiful smile
A vibrant personality,
And a picture perfect family.
Envied and loved.
Not a single person to hate
Besides herself.
The things that nobody sees is when
She breaks down,
Cries,
And every night
Hunches over the toilet
With a spoon in her throat.
Telling herself only one more time to be pretty.
One more time to be happy.
One more time to be loved.
One more time to escape.
One more time to get better.
One more time to stop.
She lets her emotions overrule
And demons take control.
Life shouldn't be this way.
Her father's a drunk, her mothers a drug addict.
She would do anything to escape this world
Of darkness,
But no one seems to know.
She puts on this picture perfect image
To protect herself,
Despite it killing her that her voice will never be heard
No one seems to even notice
The bruises on her legs and back
Or how she always seems to go to the bathroom
Every time she eats "too much."
If she told anyone,
They would hate her,
Her parents would hurt her,
And she would never have any hope
Of becoming the girl she pretends to be.

this poem is actually not really finished. I might delete this one later

#eatingdisorder #anorexia #bulimia #bulimic #ednos

Coraline Hatter Aug 2018

One day, 6 years ago

One day, 6 years ago
suddenly it was there
I didn't see it coming
it crawled under my skin
into my head
settled in my thoughts

One day, 6 years ago
I started to feel
how no one should feel
ugly
unworthy
unlovable
suddenly I felt uncomfortable
in my forever home

One day, 6 years ago
my skin
my own body became my prison
my head
my own thoughts felt like hell

One day, 6 years ago
I stopped
eating
sleeping
I became someone
I never imagined to be

One day, 5 years ago
I somehow started to recover
I learned to be good on my own
that I don't need anybody
I recovered on my own

One day, 4 years ago
I realized
those thoughts and habits never left
but it didn't matter
I somehow managed to live with them

One day, 3 years ago
those thoughts became worse
I hid them
no one was allowed to see all this
all this **** that's going on in my head

One day, 2 years ago
I lost every loved one
I felt like I'm losing myself
still with a smile on my face

One day, 1 year ago
I realized how bad i became again
I realized I never truly recovered
my mind was hell itself

One day, today
I haven't become better
but that is not my worst
I want to become better
I truly want to become better.

bet no one's gonna read all this
if you made it this far, I'm sure you think I'm dumb.

#depression #anxiety #anorexia #ed #healing #insomnia #progress

bex Aug 2018

descent

It's been a back and forth motion:

losing
  gaining
losing
  gaining
losing
  gaining
  maintaining
losing

for nearly a decade.

I can't seem to find* my way back up from this downward spiral
and I'm losing more than mass as I descend.

I don't have anyone close enough to stop me. Not that I'd let them anyways.

I'm going to keep
losing and
losing and
losing.

I'll turn sideways and disappear.
Shrivel up into .nothing.

And maybe then,
   just then,
I might feel valid.

(*correction: I can but I refuse to.)

my eating disorder has returned full force and I'm back on my *******. I've isolated myself bad bad bad this time. i built up walls made of bulletproof glass and carbon fiber. nails made of titanium. bricks of steel behind all that.

I am untouchable. and even if i was, i might shatter

wow i should rewrite that into another poem ****

#eatingdisorder #anorexia #triggerwarning #relapse #ana #godthattagsucksimsorry

Ellie Grace Aug 2018

Fading hope

I wish I could escape my thoughts if only for a moment
The relentless onslaught of abuse is becoming harder to tolerate
Stomaching the bitterness of my internal dialogue is painful
Remaining a hostage to this diseased mind
Confined within its constricting walls
Losing hope with the fading light

#mentalillness #pain #depression #anorexia #anxiety #lost #tired

Myrrdin Aug 2018

Empty stomach, empty promises

This wasn't the first time
But it will be the last time
I create an identifiable pain
To numb the persisting wounds,
That I let my hollow stomach
Swallow all of my sorrows,
That I go to bed hungry
Struggle to wake up again,
Just to Pace around my kitchen
Afraid to open the refrigerator,
I promise this is the last time,
It's always the last time,
Please let this be the last time..

#anorexia #hungry #last #time #empty #stomach

Ellie Grace Jul 2018

Relapse

As each day passes I can feel myself slowly losing a part of my identity
falling into the black abyss of insanity
Once again this disease has become all consuming
eating away at my mind
I feed myself the same lies
stomaching the pain of this decaying body
Mind clouded by malnutrition
Once again indulging in this slow form of suicide

#eatingdisorder #pain #anorexia #bulimia #hurt #identity #suicide #relapse

Belle Jul 2018

Nothing matters

I want to hide.
I want to isolate.
I want to leave.
Because this was a mistake that I can't easily get out of.
I see myself and all i see is a disappointment.
A sad, fat, shameful disappointment.
I hate myself so much and I am so afraid because now I'm eating everyday and I can hardly stand my body.
I look in the full length mirror and I don't recognize myself.
I used to be so much smaller.
I want to cry.
What am I without my eating disorder?
A shell of a boring, annoying person.
Not special.
Not unique.
Just, Belle.
I pretend like I'm okay,
but I'm not.
Belle is useless and can't think of anything else except for when to leave and can go back to behaviors again.
I am absolutely horrible. Seven times in residential treatment and nothing has helped.
Why am I still trying?
Maybe when I leave this time the eating disorder will **** me.
Cause after this, I don't have any more opportunities.
I am untreatable, unlovable, and unseen.
I act like the perfect patient, because the more I do that-- the quicker I get out of here.
"I cant wait until I starve myself again"
Constantly repeats in my brain.
i am tired.
i am in ******* pain.
i am crumbling
i am not okay
but i am happy.
My eating disorder gives me more happiness than anyone ever has.
I am my eating disorder.
I just wish I could shrink
I just wish I could have that control
I just wish I could make nobody know about this.
I am surrounded by people who support me,
but I want none of it.
Yet I wonder why I feel lonely.
I am worthless, I am a willful brat.
Even when I am pushing so hard, I'm still just as pointless.
My family can't wait until I get better.
I can't wait until I get worse.
I don't know what to do anymore, I want to recover, but I can't. I'm too hyper focused on being thin that nothing else matters.
Nothing will ever matter.
Not anymore.

#eatingdisorder #depression #sadness #sad #ed #depressed #bulimia #anorexia

Joy Jul 2018

Sirens

The siren.
Inviting,
Promising.
Ensuring happiness.
Guaranteeing joy.
Not until she traps you do you wish escape.
Not from what she promised, but from the pain she brought you.
But you've made a home for yourself here.
You've gotten comfortable in the habits she's given you.
But every time she comes to visit, something in your gut screams at you to escape.
No, literally. Your gut. Your stomach. Your intestines.
Your entire body becomes exhausted from chasing her promises.
Now, you've forgotten who you were before she trapped you.
You try and try for what feels like years to escape.
And finally you succeed.
You've successfully escaped the place you call home.
After time and time of being lured back to home, I've come to learn this sirens name.
She is what she does to people. To me.
Forces me to control what I eat.
Makes me second guess myself.
Track everything I eat and drink.
Make me guilty for eating something she doesn't like.
I won't bore you with more boringly grim details, just know,
She has sisters.
Please, don't make the mistake of trusting their promises.

#selfharm #suicide #sadness #sad #depression #eatingdisorder #starving #anorexia #bulemia

Ellie Grace Jul 2018

Dear Edith

Beautiful girl
You are worthy of more than
This disease will ever give you
So very deserving of a life filled with happiness
And hope and joy
All things anorexia is hell bent on depriving you of
You have an identity outside this disorder
Goals and aspirations that are meant to be achieved
A voice that was not meant to be silenced
Never doubt the strength you possess inside
Courage and bravery that cannot be measured

This disorder has taken away too many years
But you are fighting a war that can be won
Even on your darkest days
When the thoughts are too loud
And it feels easier to go back to the familiar comfort of old behaviours
Know that the past is not a place you want to be stuck in
You can break free from this destructive cycle

Recovery is hard
Believe me I know
But it is time you started to heal
God knows you deserve to heal
To learn how to love yourself from the inside out
To be at peace with your body
And grow into the beautiful young woman you are meant to become

#anorexia #mentalillness #friend #eatingdisorder #heal #hope #future

Willow Jul 2018

It's Funny How...

It's funny how when you were younger, you would say in your mind,"I would never do that." Here I am doing all the things I said I wouldn't do, self harm, anorexia, suicidal thoughts.

#anorexia #anorexic #suicide #thoughts #younger #mind #selfharm #never