I think it’s far past the time,
that I go and change my full name.
It’s not that I’ve committed a crime,
It’s just I’m done playing this game.
It’s a waste of my time and energy,
and I’ve become aware there’s a closet in my skeleton,
it’s moved from where it’s meant to be,
I guess it’s not just my will power that’s made of gelatin.

I took a power drill to my right temple,
to create a hole and install a switch.
To erase my thoughts I ignored the detrimental,
but every memory slips it’s way through the stitch.
Sometimes it’s not the change you want,
but maybe it’s the change that you need.
Don’t hide your wounds, they’re battle scars you should flaunt,
and praise that you still have the ability to bleed.

But I’m a hypocrite of the worst kind,
as I encourage others to embrace the pain.
My worst enemy is my own mind,
and I’m plotting havoc against my brain.
I’d do anything for a clean slate,
I’d give it all up to once hit “reset”
The best I can do right now is just wait,
and hope one day I can be blessed to forget.

I tried to go back home but the doors are all locked,
and someone’s in my parking space.
There’s a sea of debris on the roads that I once walked,
my existence in my own home has been fully erased.
It’s almost so tragic that it’s comedic,
that the only two things I want slipped through my grasp.
A concept is invisible, so how do you beat it?
If you never held it how do you reclasp?

But I’m a hypocrite of the worst kind,
as I encourage others to embrace the pain.
I’m tired of being ******* within this bind,
like a cartoon character on the tracks awaiting an oncoming train.
I’d do anything for a clean slate,
I’d give it all up to once hit “reset”
Am I starving even though I cleared my plate?
Am I swimming in riches while drowning in debt?

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind,
speaks more to my state, praying to become blind.
Atleast I wouldn’t long and yearn,
for the spot where I once stood,
‘cause how can you ever return
when you know how it used to be good?

And I raised her up on a pedestal so high,
that her fingers could brush the heavens.
She replaced the sun and became the sky,
and I wished for her at all eleven-eleven’s.

She tells you that you were alone.
Static fills your head,
Air drains from your lungs.
She tells you that you were alone,
That you've always been alone.
You've never needed anyone.

You believe her
Because there's no one here.
There's never been anyone here.
Or, at least,
That's what she's told you.

She's written your whole life down in black and white,
Smooth, looping cursive on thick, yellowed parchment,
Wrapped up in soft leather,
and you swear you've met her before
but you've never seen her in your life.

There's a letter on your desk that no one wrote
and no one sent.
Because you've never known anyone,
you've never had anything.
It's not important,
So you burn it all down,
Your head hurts and you think that maybe you’ve forgotten something,
Someone important.

You can’t find it in you to care that the flames have caught in your skirt,
because there’s a warm hand encasing yours,
(Although you cannot see who it belongs to)
And there’s a heart beat in the back of your mind that tells you

You are so, very loved.

You are not forgotten.

You have never been alone.
Not even now.

I long

To linger no more
      in the hallways of amnesia;
      A clearing of the iridescent haze
      Into a world beyond ー

To sing here no more
      the sound of soulless sorrows;
      Echo into the distant
      Scapes and seas ー

To see no more
      the sights untold;
      Watch men erode,
      Pale petals unfold ー

And fall back on an unbroken dream.

And four white walls
were caving in on me
Feeling claustrophobic in a room all alone
like surrounded by germs
sneaking up in my skin and running through my veins
I'll cry myself sober
'til the darkness escapes my head
Though an empty bottle
lies in the palm of my right hand
that isn't all that's left
With a cigarette between my lips
Unlit
The cancer in my body will crave
it's taste but instead feel it's touch
Deceived
like empty promises
The tears that fall from my eyes
will race down my cheeks
the same way I ran for your love
They'll drip down my chin
The same way you pushed me off the cliff
They'll sink into my jean pockets
The same way my body decomposed into the dirt of the ground
And they'll evaporate
The same way your brain had amnesia over my soul
Oblivion
We're all going to die anyway
But being forgotten was my only fear
Especially by you..
I can't touch heaven,
And that's why I wanted you
Because I know
that there are no good men in this world
that will take me to heaven
thus a bad boy will bring it to me
No silverware cutlery is needed
And no silver platter has to deliver it
Can a soul like mine rest reassured
with a haunting memory
like your smile etched in my head?
Will a soul like mine travel
to the afterlife in confidence
with a warm hand hooked to mine,
like I have nothing to lose
so long as I have you?
When that whiskey had me feeling pretty
the irony is that you were the alcohol
You were the intoxication in my body
that left me overdosed on your perfume
You were the feelings that I bottled up
in fear of spilling you out
You were the bitter sweet smell
that left my eyes staring into the blur
Was it the real or the fake?
Or should I have read in between the lines?

In ritualistic insanity, the amnesiac begins to wail.
He hears the symphonic tune of damnation.
A wicked chord struck on a lyre of bones.
As tears flow, the pain sharpens, his fingers split, adding thick crimson curdles to death's hymn.
The weight is bore, lightless eyes follow the ache of mortal fatigue.
This sad creature screams his terror, as he remember his ode.
Played from his own marrow, from his own calcified soul.

Abandonment has made him looking for clues,
Fear to love and lose evolved into Pistanthrophobia...

The numbness and hollowness he felt in his aching heart,
Feeling like a dead corpse, going through analgia...

Facing his share of heartbreaks, been easily replaced,
His heart wishes nothing but to suffer from amnesia...

He now sits in the dark corner, battling his inner demons,
Thinking of the spent moments, going through nostalgia...

Like a firework
Life fades away into the night sky
We watch from far below
As we slowly lose control
Of our bodies and of our minds
I seem to have seen this a thousand times

The underbelly of the beast
Exposed
Is just more context
Tucked away
In looser corners of a mind
Void of lilac sunsets and
Airport poetry
And your belly
Hollowed out through the hips
By all those generic lovers
Doesn’t need more fundamentals
Only acid dreams of desert symmetry