For so long
It was kept under the covers,
Hushed, shushed, smothered.
I lived the lies,
I tried to hide;
Bury the truth and let it die.
But there was a change,
You seemed so close in range.
So close, my resistance began to wane.
The endless sunsets we've seen
Bounded us for a future that once gleamed
For me ー it was all I ever thought I'd need
Your meanderings misled;
Brought a new strain of dread.
I'm still smiling.
I've always been, around you.
I was your tool ー your fool.
I knew sunrise was near,
And my heart was full of fear
But there was something you needed to hear:
"I love you."
I did with all my heart,
Even as we were growing further apart.
Even if we were intoxicated,
Even if I made things more complicated,
Even if it was not reciprocatedー
You said we'd see the sun rise,
And your lie to me was no surprise but
Why did I still cry?
For the sun I will never again see, even in the clearest of blue skies.
I never did and never will get the chance to actually tell him, I guess. I don't want to ruin what we have (or don't) now.