Sometimes
I give a hard look
At myself in the mirror,
My eyes gleaming with
Sadness that has followed
Me from down the road
And my hair all *******
So it doesn’t show how
Much it has grown

I tell myself
I want to be a poet,
Someone that writes
And moves and
Yell’s at you how gritty
Life has been lately.

But it hasn’t been all that gritty,
Or *****, or painful or-
Maybe it has.

Somewhere I read,
That a dead man
Loves the hardest,
That what only matters
Is how good you walk
Through the fire,
That let life not separate us,
And who cares about death?

I’ve come to hate and detest,
Those who hate,
But when will it be,
That I take upon
My shoulders to love.

And love is not
Like a gas stove,
But more of
A bonfire
That turns night
Into day.

So warm to the touch,
But so beautiful
To have when
It’s 1:00 am
On a cold front,
And god,
I just need
Another
cigarette.

Please,
Let me love
Again.

I’m begging.

Be it in death,
Or alive.

Be it awake
Or dreaming.

Be it through
the extinguished
Fire,
Which means
My walk hasn’t
been that great.

To the one,
That lights it
Again.

I am between
Dying and not dying.

I’m probably not
what you want.

Neither am I,
What you need.

But I will love,
The type of love
To move states,
To be alone
If it meant you
Would be coming
Through the door
Any minute now.

it will
Also be rumbling
And the ground will
Shake and
I won’t know how
To tell you how
Much I really love you.

But I will try,
I will try so hard.

To be all I am,
And all I am not.

I wouldn’t hurt a fly,
Besides that one fly,
That flies around my eye,
In the middle of the night,
This fly needs to die,
And leave me alone,
Alone while I cry.

Fight or flight,
This fly’s got might,
Dodging my swipes,
And buzzing alright,
A noisy, buzzing kite,
Flying all ******* night,
As if confined to my brain tight.

I’m not alright,
I’m not alright tonight,
I don’t really want to fight,
This fly on such a lonely night.

When I saw you alone,
I was standing alone.
I walked over alone.
I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine.
I wonder, wonder who's on your mind.

Did he leave you alone,
Or did you leave him alone
Like she left me alone?
I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine,
So warm and cozy this lonely night.

Do you think he's alone?
I don't think she's alone.
She doesn't care if I'm alone,
So I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

The breeze moves the curtains.
It carries whispers like fingers
Across barely touching skin.
We don't care, and we won't care
Until we care again.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine.
I wonder, wonder who's on your mind.

Your body feels good lying next to mine
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight
Gee, your body feels good next to mine
So warm and cozy this lonely night.

Beware of the dark, my love,
It would hunt you down.
And when you scream, my love,
There would be no sound!

And when you look around,
You'll find you're all alone

Because the art of the darkness
Can house no home.

My love, my heart harness
Darkness, this dark's my own.


Beware of my love, for dark-
Ness lurks at your door
And if you let me in
You will be no more.

Yes, I know this for sure
'Cause if you come around

Come take a look, see my hooks
They would hold you down.

My love, you're shook
Glad you took it as your way out.

I'm going places
And nowhere good
Leaving the neighbourhood
Of blurry faces

I'm going places
Misunderstood
I would stay, if I could
I'm changing bases

A lonely path
Accompanied by me and myself
Let out a laugh
The past, they think know hell

I'm losing grasp
Spiralling straight into wonderland
Why didn't they hold my hand?

Topsy turvy
My perspectives change
I hurt me
Fuelled by the pain

Lurching, wandering,
Perching, pondering
On a cold, wet, porcelain throne

Mixing, blending
Fixing, mending
Aimless, I push on, all alone.

Speakers distort static matter,
Is it real? Is it a dream?
There are vestiges that I'm after
And they crave nicotine.
I'm offered nicotine,
I've never felt so alone
I am nobody
And nobody's home

On the peak I dream

of La Vie Parisienne --


in Tijuana.

My bones ache
My eyes are hot and raw
I am utterly cast out to sea
Unanchored
Treading water in a vast expanse of terrifying blue turbulence
I shout into the empty nothingness
Driving the air out of my lungs to call for you
"Where are you?"
"Please don't leave"
"I am not ready..."
But you are gone
and my voice echoes in the deep
like the devastating and futile cries of the last Kauaʻi ʻōʻō bird searching for a mate who will not come

You don't care about

me, so I hope you have fun --


I am doing well.

Walls enclose so many things,
and often have no doors,
a mind can have so many rooms,
without obeying spatial laws.

Dark or light the varied rooms,
where thoughts can play at games,
to fill mansions of many floors,
and tenants have unforgotten names.

Nights where faces come and go,
all marching from distant past,
but all were gone so long ago,
from the first face to the last.

Time that ebbs at varied pace,
as memory plays out the parade,
recalling all the ones once lost,
and those who never stayed.

Universe of lonely empty feeling,
all that memory has now become,
No sense of being yet still alive,
just a chill that leaves you numb.

A heart that once yearned for love,
of the promise that it can bring,
but yearnings perished long ago,
to become this sad and lonely thing.