Eldredge
A simple knot

It was all I had
My only souvenir

From my travels

I had only worn it on special occasion
And thus

All events of significance
Wrapped up in a few turns

Of a piece of cloth

Eldredge
A simple knot

Maybe the life
I thought I’d live

Was snagged on another loop of thread
And wrapped up forever

Or
Maybe

All that’s needed
Is to tie another

I will always regret
Not knowing better
When I was young.

I should have spent
More time
Creating myself.

Instead, I learned
To define myself
Through other people.

Now, in my old age
I have finally gained the wisdom
To know I wasted my life.

I wasted my life not creating a life
And I'll never be a real person.

Sometimes, it is just too late.

I aim to produce an element of surprise in others. I like the look of a boy's face when I take my baggy t-shirt off, I like when I tell a joke and surprise a crowd with the punch line, I like when my vocabulary and experience surpasses my age, I like when people are shocked when I speak with the vulgarity and heartlessness with which I do. everything is so predictable and I want to think that things aren't what they seem. conspiracies and religion are intriguing because when we grow out of childhood we feel like there's nothing we will find out that is as shocking as the fact there is no Santa Claus. we are no longer on the level below adults and it feels like game over because we lose our wonder and the feeling of having it all figured out means we can't go back to a time when we didn't. so we look to something greater to alter our meager existences and we pray to the beings in books in hopes that our words will bring something more than decay to our souls.

The world.
Is.
Smaller now.
Regardless of how insignificant a life is.
The grand scheme means little.
Is it ignorance..
Or acceptance.
That perpetuates the question.
For those wise enough to answer.
Is the same as those wise enough to not.
This prison of cycles.
Rotates and regulates.
The quality of living shifts gears to auto pilot.
And the low rumble of marching is heard.
In the distance.
As it always is.
Comes chaos.
Pain at its heels.
The weary shall never rest.
Nor should it surprise..

Without knowing how it happened
A man’s heart can fail him
His father gone, his spirit dampened
His children near, for a while, but then
Gone as meant to be
Would it be worse if they stay
But while longing is an empty knee
The time must come for them to fly away

But which pieces did they take
And which pieces do remain?
There is no accounting of what did break
Only a heart that must learn to live again
To trust once again in the sky
An old friend watching as you return
Is to know life becomes a cry
As wings become flight and ashes an urn

To wait for the next great love
Is the way of heartache
The time we give to what we are thinking of
Is only what we decide to forsake
But did my every loss soften my mind
For I know of your sadness too
And in it I have finally come to find
That the time is now for me to comfort you

Souls are lost as time goes by
Forgetting the connection
The emotion once felt
Now forgotten

Far away and beaten down
Believing is non existent
Nowhere to turn
Runaway
Hide
Inside myself is the haven

Awkward silence
Not knowing what to say
On the tip of your tongue
Afraid to speak
Push your thoughts away

Some days are brace
Feel hope in your heart
But then it's not good enough
Hurt takes over
walls come back

Here we aren't so quickly

I don't want to age. I don't want to get older; I don't want to have what comes with age. I don't want to have wrinkles, I don't want to lose my beauty, eyesight, my hearing, my sense of flavour and exploration. I don't want to get comfortable and I never want to get weaker than I already am.
Most of all I don't want to gain any wisdom; I want to continue down the spiraling path of self-destruction and use my youthful ignorance as an excuse for the way I'm acting. Because I don't think I'll get better with age and people can only excuse it for so long.

I'm not going to run
I will leave this place with them
My friends
Yes we know good times
And we think about the end
No matter
Together we will be
What difference can fear make
My heart remains true
Waiting for one another
On the other side
For those who can hold us up
For God to bless again
He told me he knows you
This I believe
He told me he knows you

I am getting older

and my body is in tatters

My Doctor's say, "You're fine, You're fit"

I think they're mad as hatters

Each day a new pain rears it's head

My body falls apart

My Doctor's say, "You're fine, You're fit"

As they listen to my heart

My bladder's my new stop watch

Each night I rise to ***

I get up once at half past ten

And then just after three

I'm cold and then I'm sweating

Sometimes both in  one breath

It makes me feel I'm crazy

It's a slow, nervewracking death

My knees ache every morning

And my hips pop as I walk

I have to work my jawbones

Just so I can start to talk

I've had surgeries on my body

Just to help me stay alive

I can't see where I am going

I'm can no longer go and drive

But, my Doctors say I'm healthy

They say I'm healthy as a horse

But isn't "Flicka" served in restaurants?

His flesh is now a new main course

I use a cane when I go walking

I have a seat to go upstairs

I wear a wig when I'm in public

I seem to dress myself in layers

I need a pill to wake myself up

I need another so I sleep

But because my bladder's my new stopwatch

I never go to sleep too deep

Today I'm going to get tested

To check the hearing in one ear

Please excuse me for a moment

What was that you said my dear?

Now my Doctor's keep insisting

That there's nothing wrong with me

Like I said, I think I'm crazy

They're the nuts and I'm the tree.

they've got me tricked out special

I've got orthotics and a cane

My bursititis hurts like crazy

And I think it's gonna rain

My oxygen tank is empty

And my voiding bag is not

But I'm still having those flashes

I still feel cold and hot

With the bag I sleep much better

I don't get up twice to ***

But it wasn't fun last birthday

Having a colostomy

But, my Doctor's say Don't Worry

Your'e as fit as fit can be

But I tell them it's distressing

For I'm not yet thirty three

I'm sick of always hurting

Each day more vigor do I lose

But today I am excited

I'm getting velcro for my shoes

I think some exercise might help me

With all my aches and all my pains

It may help me to feel younger

Feel like thirty two again

But my Doctors, Oh my Doctors

Say there's nothing wrong at all

It's just a natural part of aging

It's mother nature come to call

But I know, I 'm getting older

and it's just a part of life

I'm just glad I have a drug plan

To help me with this strife

Now, my O2 tank is full now

And I've got a buzzing in my head

That means my battery is running low

So...Goodnight...I'm off to bed...