Letting go to hold on
Holding on to let go

Living to die
Dying to live

The liar I am
I am the liar

I said I’m sorry
I’m sorry I said

You said it’s ok
It’s ok you said

Are you tired I asked
I asked are you tired

I said I’m sorry
I’m sorry I said.

I can almost feel the ground shaking
As old ways begin to fall into the abyss
And the new finds itself sifting through the cracks, down into
And through me

What was will never be again
And I feel it tugging on my heart strings
Pulling and pulling, just to see how flexible they really are
Thinking maybe if they tug just gently enough they won’t eventually snap
But they always do

We have a way of forgetting that all things come to an end
And when they do
All we have left is a memory and maybe a tear or two.

I daren't close my eyes
For fear of losing this place
The tranquility it has bestowed upon me

The lakes shift in their eternal sleep
The boats nod to each other in their marching lines

There is darkness all around
But still I can see
The world resting around me

Fog hovers in the quiet air
Weary of the silence in this place

There are buildings but no on is home
For this is home for no one
This is where the dreamers wander

I see no moon watching from the sky
I see no stars humming their sweet airs

But I do no fear
For I feel not a thing
Beside the stillness this place can bring

Mists and clouds and rains and shadows
And yet nothing touches my skin

My soul is a separate from my body
But I am still here
Observing and waiting

For what is unbeknownst to me
But no sense of troubledness comes

I drift with the current that is not there
Alone in the boat of dreams
And then it is gone and only shadows are seen

I daren't close my eyes
Or let this world slip away
For it is my home above the clouds
Where only peace remains
But in the morning this world will be gone
And I will be left alone
With only people there.

I beg for love,
But it's not worth it to love me.
Nobody deserves the pain I will put them through,
For I am selfish and will break their heart.

I beg for love,
But I am never accepting.
I waste so much time,
Loving and telling lies.

I beg for love,
But I am too afraid.
I cannot believe anyone will truly accept me,
Or ever has.

I beg for love,
But I am a ***** for it.
I am not patient,
And I don't wait for it.

I beg for love,
But I can't commit to one love for too long for I am always afraid.
I have broken hearts,
Trying to fill mine.

I beg for love,
But I am done.
I don't want to be loved,
I don't want to love.

Love,
It hurts too much.
I have been broken,
And I have broken others,
For love,
And I am fed up.

I will never again
Beg for love.

driving past the
dead grass
against the grey clouds
my heart turns to metal and
my lungs begin to deflate
as
i get farther from you
i feel the sick start to continue
without your scent to fill my head
and
with out your eyes to steal my dread
i become a boulder
rolling down a steep hill
to be a boulder is treacherous
i hit the small rocks
that
wreck my exterior
breaking off clumps
im losing pieces of myself again

its a mystery
of how you wrap me whole
of how you give me worth

my throat burns
from holding in the sobs

im electrified
when im given your attention
my metal heart melts and
becomes warm
while my lungs inflate with
what smells of sweet cedarwood
and sweat
your skin is hot against mine
and i love the tickle of your body hair
the moments where you squeeze me
are when
my entire being is awoken
shocks of energy
convulse my nerves
and i feel alive
you are my sun
because
without your warming rays
and without your light
i am left cold and blind

I have words that I just can’t say
I’m not even sure if they’re true
The thought of them terrifies me

I keep them locked up in my head
Sometimes they get out and roam
Those are the days I’m afraid of the most

What would happen if I stopped and listened?

I am afraid
Afraid to grow old
To have my hair turn white
And my hands grow gnarled
I am afraid
Of time
Shaping me
Making me
A different person
Changing me
I am afraid
To forget
The time
Long gone
I am afraid
Of running
Out of time

-jt