Believing it won't happen again
I planned to paint myself in the corner.
The little girl that could was no longer visible.
In her place is me,
too afraid to say no, too afraid to be alone.
No poetic way to say,
I run away even from my own shadow.
I Decided,
You will become my security blanket.
Relentless, unapologetic, and just conniving enough
to stay until you go.
Warm at first, then sung, then sleepless nights ensue
until it feels like I'm nestled in a straitjacket.
It will be of my own making, I'm afraid
that I'll wake up with no wiggle room.
Too afraid to say no, Too afraid to be alone.

The little girl that could, where did she go?

i've been left so many times,
i'm just waiting for that moment to come with you.

i trust you more than most people,
yet i still expect that of you.

i have this urge to leave
before you leave me,
why can't i just stay?
am i afraid to see what will happen?

I’m not sure
Of what I’m doing
I’m starting to dread the thought
That my solitude
Is not a choice anymore
But something I got used to
Without even noticing
Like it’s something I’ve been telling myself
That I needed
Or deserved
A symptom of strength
To show off
To be proud of
When the last thing I want
Is building up walls
Around someone I love
I should be pulling you in
But I’m kicking you out
I locked the front door
Threw away all your clothes
So you wouldn’t come back
Because I got so much tired
Of your endless coming and going
Never knowing where to stand
I’m not going pretend
I prefer to pull away
Before they do the same
But everything has a price
I’ve seen it with my eyes
And I’ve paid
For each one of my mistakes
And that’s alright
It’s all part of life
And I embrace it and love it all
Because now I know
That I almost became
The kind of person
Who hurt me most
Who shut me out
Without taking a chance on me
Now I’m aware of all the things I let go
I regret and mourn them all
But they belong to a past that I can’t change
from which I can’t turn away
But I’ll forever be thankful for having learned
That I don’t need to be like the ones who hurt  
When there’s an immense power that comes from being open
and vulnerable
to love.

Life is a journey.
A journey whose vehicle are just two.
Fear and greed.
And I tell you that,
Both should be driven with caution and constrain.
Sometimes it’s fear that makes you move forward,
Fear of losing. And that makes people afraid.
Rightly though. We should be afraid.
And then it is greed that makes us move forward,
Hunger to achieve more and better,
As we set our feet on unchartered plains.
That’s called taking risk and that makes us afraid.
Rightly though. We should be afraid.
Being afraid is not bad. It’s good.
That’s what turns into strength while we move ahead.

Man’s war will continue
As long as we teach our children
To be afraid of themselves.

i want to spread love
as generously as jam
but there is this hollowness
i cant seem to fill
Esther L. Krenzin

Dreams dont amaze me anymore
Dreams of you or falling off the sky
Crumbling sky or watching my love die
Walking on broken bridge
Or jumping off a cliff
Doesn't fright me anymore
Losing myself is what i am afraid of now
Only me.....