Let's play pretend,
like two kids in grown up clothes,
saying grown up words,
in our grown up voices.
Let's play pretend,
the way we did when we were kids,
and we'd say the things
we think we're supposed to say to sound
grown up,
adult and mature,
not small enough,
vulnerable enough,
to get hurt.
Let's fake it like it won't be painful
when we go on our way
and finish our busy,
big kid schedule.
Feelings get hurt just as easily as they did
back when they accompanied skinned knees
and tree houses.
Just because we tell ourselves what to do now
doesn't mean we tell ourselves right,
just because we can say how we feel now,
doesn't mean we say it then,
and just because we don't get in trouble for the truth now,
doesn't mean we don't play pretend.

How easily we let ourselves believe we can put our faith into anyone, or anything, besides ourselves,
Without fear of falling into the demise we’ve created,
Even though the possibility of opening our hearts is the one thing that can break our walls.
We create barriers to shield ourselves, and our hearts, from crumbling and turning into our mothers, and that sad lady down the street.
The truth is, we are so ******* terrified of the weakness love brings,
That we'd rather suffer alone,
Stay empty, but stay unbroken.
In the solace of our own minds we become a butterfly,
Only we don't know how to fly,
Too scared to take the first leap.
Do we risk shattering everything?
So easily we make excuses and cower instead of fall,
Because our heart is our most guarded possession of all.

I got braces when I was 16
that year I never kissed anyone
but I made boys steal things from pricy bookstores
I measure time by my teeth
every year they get more crooked
the older I get they seem to shift back to old territory
old habits
old

now even smoking cigarettes feels boring
when I walk into bookstores
I leave sticky notes with advice I wish someone would have told me then

they did
but maybe if I had found it somewhere I was looking
I might have paid more attention
my retainer sits in a shelf collecting grime

I thought you leaving would be the hardest thing to go through,
But it was me, standing there
Walking away from you.
Like a moth to a flame, I am captured by your light.
The irrevocable longing I feel towards your essence,
Is what frightens me when I leave your side.
I fear not of losing you,
But of you losing me
To your greater journey into the light.
In fact, I even feel like you are superior to me
The way coffee is stronger, more bitter than tea.
Walking away on a cold winter's day,
Is more bone chilling than the snow that coats our bodies.
Kissing you goodbye, too soon for now
Your sweet embrace, embellished by sorrow,
Imprinted on my heart but stained with love.
Letting you leave,
I had to let you leave.

Do you remember begging our parents to let us be adults?
When our favorite thing to do was dress up and play make believe.
Drinking meant chocolate milk and artificial fruity drinks.
Getting wasted meant falling off your bike.
When the only pain we knew was stubbing a toe…
Or scraping our knees from the fall.
Getting high wasn’t a term where we blew smoke out of our mouths,
it was seeing who could jump or swing the highest.
When “taking one for the team” meant helping your teammates,
not making a girls night a little bit better.
When kissing was just kissing and you got cooties,
Not STDs and aids from going too far.
And the protection we wore,
was helmets on our heads to prevent concussions…
not a newborn.
When wearing makeup was fun,
and a way to express yourself…
Or wearing your favorite skirt made you feel cute,
not like a ****.
When we didn’t know what drugs were,
just knew that the creamy pink liquid made us feel better.
When boyfriends and girlfriends were described as,
“My friend thats a boy….”
“Or my girl……….. Friend.”
When sleepovers were strictly sleepovers,
not an excuse to get in bed with your best friend…
Who you recently discovered feelings for.
The only wars we knew were card games
And our worst enemies were our siblings.
Dad’s shoulders were our thrones and mum was our hero.
How about that time when we all wanted so badly to grow up?

if you’ve seen him.
you’d know,
nothing gold can stay
and this is why,
i can’t wait for the day,
where you turn foe
so i can love you,
endlessly