I wish adults still understood what it was like to be our age because yes, I'm going through phases and relationships and change and I smell disgusting and I am going through depression and I am transgender and discovering what that means and learning what it means to be a person, something that some people never learn. I don't understand why the people who seem to care about me aren't the same people I want to visit constantly. I don't understand the concept of 'blood is thicker than water' when the full phrase is 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' and why adults use this to their advantage. It's not unhealthy to want to have a social life and go hang out with people all the time. These are the same adults that say I don't get out much and need to hang out with people more often on the occasion that I'm not doing anything. The same adults that have convinced me that I need to go to college and simultaneously have fifty-plus years of experience for a decent paying company to employ me. The same adults who have given me such a crippling anxiety and fear of the unknown that I've cried multiple times over homework thinking that not being able to understand quadratic equations will be my undoing, that there's no way I'm going to college now. I am so terrified to not go to college, yet I find myself unable to think of what exactly I want to do. Rather than letting me figure it out eventually, I am being rushed into roles that I don't even understand yet. I am being scared shitless over things that I don't need to worry about for years. I am being convinced not to legally change my name until after college because otherwise my boomer aunt and uncle won't pay my college funds. It feels like I'm being forced back into the closet, forced into a career that I may or may not enjoy doing for the rest of my life, forced into both solitude and society according to my parent's terms, forced into something I don't understand. This is not consensual. This is far from okay.

I’ve been so depressing
I’m making people worried
I’m merely expressing
And people don’t agree with what I’ve perceived

I’m seeing forgotten backpacks in the streets
And nooses being sold for a $1 each
But people don’t see the teens committing these deeds
They only ever see what’s on their feed

Listen, I’m just a teen, it’s true
I’ve got a backpack just like you
But I’ve been seeing the clues
And I’m not in line with letting kids die blue

I’m telling you, everyone’s gone blind
And you need to open your eyes
It’s time to be revived
So rise

It’s time to wake up

Faraway moon
as a young child
I could see your smile
taste your cheese
see your old man
touch you with my finger

Fascinating moon
as a young adult
I could sense your pull
bathe in your romantic beams
pledge my love
reach for the stars!

Most faithful moon
in my waning years
as life's orbit decays
I am in awe of your loyalty
amazed by your true colors
reassured by your changing tides

Continue to reflect life's light
as other young children
see your beautiful smile
taste your curious cheese
see your kind old man
touch you with their imagination...

Continue to inspire us
as other young people,
sense your magnetic pull
luxuriate in your romantic beams
pledge their undying love
explore the universe!

Most faithful, fascinating, faraway moon

When I was a child

I thought
all my pain
would fade away
with age.

They say,
“you once dreamed
of being where you are now.”

And I did. I prayed
for time that
would take away my hurt.
I ached for identity
in the form of adulthood.

I once dreamed
of being where I am now,
but my dreams
were nothing like
this.

When we are children,
   We play adults.
When we are adults,
   We play gods.
When we are gods,
    We know we are but children.

Chicago sounds lovely,
with new people places and things
I don’t yet know.
People around here say,
“Isn’t it cold there?
You’re going to get shot.
I bet your parents won’t like
you being so far from home.”

They don’t realize
that there are tunnels
and winter clothes.
They haven’t understood
that if I die,
I know exactly where I’m going,
and besides,
I was never promised safety.

My parents raised me to be independent,
and they didn’t try to push me to any
one school,
but when I showed them
the acceptance letter,
they called everyone.
They’ve been so excited,
and they think
this is a sign of success,
me going off and exploring and living freely.

Adults fight all the time,
like children -
So I should take the charge and grow up already!
How might I do that exactly?
Should I start by sipping a cup o' tea?
Or take a swig from the bottle of whisky?
Grow some hair on my face maybe?

But I still fancy chocolate milk
on the side of animal-shaped biscuits
while I plug my earphones in
to cut out the domestic horror story