i like how we try to depict pain into something beautiful as if we can try to convince ourselves that it isn’t as aching as it seems, when really it is all just so unbearable and a dark mess, i don’t much find anything beautiful about lying on the couch at 2am wanting to sleep but being unable to because you can’t quit crying and you try writing with trembling fingers about this pain so hopefully it makes more sense, but it just makes you realize how much more agonizing it really is, i am not sure if it actually helps to mend anything by beautifying it.

the good nights
used to be tinged
with kisses
and a soft caress
against my back
sending shivers
down throughout my spine
but now you say good night
with silence and
unmoving touches
i'm not too sure
how i became so dull
and unlovable
and cast away
to the colder side
of this bed
it's 5am,
i'm wide awake
this ache kept me awake
as you slept
your arms were in the wrong place
they were supposed to be here, here
holding me and keeping
the slumber less thoughts away

Undress me with your eyes,
While I do the same in my mind.
Your breath on my neck,
As your lips brush down to my shoulder.
Chills running down my spine,
While your fingertips graze my skin.
Sweet sighs whispered,
Softly in my ear.
Arousing my body,
Losing sense of all rational thought.
I close my eyes,
And inhale your scent.
Calming my mind,
And slowly giving in.
For its been too long,
And my body's been aching for this.

I wish I was numb
The pain is overwhelming
Like a knife is implanted within my chest
Not allowing me to breath
Depression is ruling
The heart is aching
The memories are dancing
I'm angry
Barely in control
Lost in my pain of the past
Urges are starting up
Making me itch
Please save me
Please **** me
Shoot me, stab me, drown me
The pain is flowing over
I'm losing control
The thoughts are coming more often
To die is to be relieved
That's what the thoughts are trying to get me to believe
No one understands
Why I wish to be numb

in a distant place
we lay on our sides face to face
in a green meadow wearing white
I can see us smiling eye to eye
our hair is longer, there is peace and ease
what use to be uneasy is now released
because it seems so impossible
right now this present time is too strange
maybe in a later day
as of now too much is deranged
much more too learn
my only choice is too delay
I can only hope I don’t miss that day
You make me feel like I’m doing okay
I want to know
I need to know
will you wait for me
I want time to find the words
I need time to calm my nerves
I know it’s you I want
you’ll find me bettering myself so you can see
there is a light like yours that can reflect in me
I’ll put my feeling on hold
let the answers be told
it’ll take a great deal of work
to get the what our future holds
we will unravel and unfold
until in a distant place
was lay on our sides face to face

My heart ached for the first time in ages when I saw you
My heart ached when you and I were introduced to each other
My heart ached when we talked of how your boyfriend hurt you.
My heart ached when I saw tears forming in your eyes.
My heart ached when I saw you smile a carefree smile.

Whatever you do, whatever you did.
My heart aches.
It aches for you