My muscles ache, my head is heavy,
And that's a feeling that I can envy.

I'm refreshed by feeling nothing,
For usually I feel it all.
Coldness and emptiness is my beacon,
And also it is my call.

The sleepless, the restless,
I can identify with them,
Fearful, terrified,
Self-harm is my gem.

I stand under street lights
Barefoot at midnight
Emotions deplete
I feel incomplete
Holes in my soul
From truths untold
Burning desire for something
Aching
Breaking
The floor is cold
These shaking hands you dare to hold
Fever struck I lose a day
Bundled into a whirl of haze
Lost
At what cost
I find my feet
I'm losing sleep
Time escapes
My mind awakes
I'm gone again

the haze of summer hung in the air
blurring the lines between our bodies
buried in the white sheets
on the three-season patio day bed
where i learned how
your body felt when i moved my hand across the light skin of your torso
and no matter how warm the temperatures got
i'd still wrap my arms tight around you
like you were a towel in need of wringing

we shared iced tea
siting in the chaise lounges
the sun setting a crimson outside our window
you told me of the time you landed yourself out on the street
strumming your guitar for money
until you finally found your footing
when i came and took you in
which is where we found ourselves on this porch into the early hours
summer haze billowing the curtains as a breeze rolls in
the night the only illumination in your eyes

you revealed to me that you were in love with me
the idea of what i had become to you
and how you love the sound of my voice at two in the morning
scratching the surface of your rough facade
breaking into something that was seemingly impenetrable

you meant the world
to someone so little and unimportant
that as the fall came and went
and winter set in
your imprint on this bed still lingers
even though your feet left my threshold
too many days ago