will I ever be remembered
for more than my mistakes
when the choices that I've made
made more than one heart ache

will I ever be remembered
for more than my mistakes
when I ran out that liquor store
with whatever I could take

will I ever be remembered
for more than my mistakes
when I took the whole tab instead of half
and got lost among the shapes

will I ever be remembered
for more than my mistakes
because I whisper my accomplishments
and wonder what it takes

will I ever remember myself
for more than my mistakes

change
i wanted to change but
i found my soul rearranged instead
pretty soon
i started making bad decisions
repeatedly
i was in over my head
sinning until i accomplished my mission
happiness was the only thing that i was missing
only thing i'm
wishing
for

You can't have what you can't not want when you are can't not have wanting -

Because you are too busy can't not having it
By your can't not wanting it.

While you're doing what you want
Saying you can't not have what you're wanting.

Getting what you're wanting is
Not having what you doing to not

Can't not have wanting.

If it really is that what you really do are wanting at all.

Try to be the worst at something
Then try something new
And if it's in your power
Be the worst at that thing too
When finally you are
The worst at everything
Here's what you can do
Do a little nothing
As much as you can do
Perhaps you'll find yourself
The worst at this thing too
Take comfort in this something
There aren't many you know
Who can be the worst of nothing
And still find room to grow

I feel the radiating heat falling off my engine
As I sit by and partake in a ritual passed on from men before me
The smoke hits my fingers and I know this is a religion that should be forgotten

In my mind im trying to prepare for a service to a community I betrayed
By getting behind a wheel while I was emotionally unvailable for those around me

A sense of accomplishment inside me for fixing this now radiating engine that sits besides me just a few hours ago
There's something to be said for hard work

I'm doing okay
I have a past, but it doesn't define me
It let's me know that I'm just as human as anyone around
And humbles me when that sense of accomplishment trys to turn into a beast of triumph that is above the world