I feel the radiating heat falling off my engine
As I sit by and partake in a ritual passed on from men before me
The smoke hits my fingers and I know this is a religion that should be forgotten

In my mind im trying to prepare for a service to a community I betrayed
By getting behind a wheel while I was emotionally unvailable for those around me

A sense of accomplishment inside me for fixing this now radiating engine that sits besides me just a few hours ago
There's something to be said for hard work

I'm doing okay
I have a past, but it doesn't define me
It let's me know that I'm just as human as anyone around
And humbles me when that sense of accomplishment trys to turn into a beast of triumph that is above the world

The waiting has blown
Exploding with fireworks
Showing new perks
Is it too early for revolution?

I talked too much about it
But haven't did anything

I flew from one hope to another
Deciding with greed
And new hope has came
Sparkling through every sight
Stumbling the lost hope over and over
Until it stuck and disappeared behind

Reality strikes all the happening event
Stunning every head until everyone realized
That they accomplished a big zero
From yesterday and long back then

So, plans happen
It happens every time but it keeps repeating
Cause all the heads doesn't give a s- about reality
We just keep pretending to be okay

Today was my greatest accomplishment,
An achievement round which I rally


And yet you're another absentee.


I drank from the pool of triumphs sweet,
Bitter as you would not share with me


For instead you're another absentee


Do not mistake their value is rare to me
But it seems an incomplete victory


Without you,
Absentee

Sitting on the floor because I don't like the fall
I only gave the illusion I was up, but it's here I've been after all
I try to trick myself into thinking I feel grand
It was my confusion, it was my plan
But it didn't work, hell the truth is I can't even stand
The true is I'll always be ******
But I do try to enjoy just a few comforts
Amongest all the hurts
A fresh cup of coffee, the smell of bacon
On the stove top frying and making
A cuddle with my dog, by the way her name is Pig.
I loved the movie "Babe" and "That'll do pig"
I have a twisted mind which is quiet an accomplishment
Considering the world wanted it shattered not bent
But I don't want your hand I'm quite content
On the floor here where I sit
For if I stand to tall
There will inevitably be that nasty fall
And just one more time and I may not be able to come back at all

Rising, like a Phoenix out of the ashes.
Burning  the skies strike a match to the tarmac.
Holy water, sprinkle a dose on your sins;
Remember not to let the poison win.

since the last time
I made ugly marks
on my beautiful skin

since I realized I was so much more
than trying to get the blood on my wrist to gush out of me

since I understood there are better ways to solving problems instead of slicing up my wrist

since I just knew that I wanted change for myself

now I use words to heal my sick mind when I'm feeling down

now I understand the healthy ways of getting rid of my sadness, instead of letting my sadness get rid of me

now I am a changed person just for me