It spreads through her like the cancer in her bones.
It takes her strength, but supports her weakness.
She tries to **** it with therapies and medicine,
but it grew back stronger every time. It is her.
A part of her she couldn’t cut out or off.
It is killing her and hurting those around her.

I think I’m an *******. What’s my excuse?
Well, it came from my parents’ emotional abuse.
Their parents before them. And theirs before them.
So, there! That’s my reason for not being a gem.
But reasons and excuses have nothing to say
To protect you from criticism at the end of the day.

Righting our parents’ wrongs is very hard,
And fixing broken minds can be even harder.
Maybe we should try harder to fix our behavior.
Cause our behavior can harm more than it helps.
Our impact is always affected by our intent,
And we must always try to be kind.

Your questions have
been selected carefully.

Like bullets in a gun,
they are loaded.

“How are you?”
Shoot me once.

“How’s your job?”
Shoot me twice.

“How is school?”
One by one.

The bullets land.
Wear me down.

Break my heart
and my skin.

knowing you are gone
is a blessing from above

because my wide eyes
are not unlike the others

they shimmer with hope
and naivete like a dove

but that hope, your evil
heart only smothers

For you, a hand-made mother’s day card
For you, curiosity about your hobbies and interests
For you, endless forgiveness and grace
For you, tender, loving care during dark moments
For me? Abuse, trauma, and manipulation

You spoke about constellations.
But you’re just a black hole.
You ripped me to pieces,
And swallowed me whole.
You were all-consuming,
And I was the starless night.
In the end, we now know,
Two voids don’t make a light.

You were taught that love was earned not given
Power and control secured affection
Competing for a section of security
Survival was a piece of you, you gave to me.

I know I can't take away the pain
Because your grandfather gave it to your mother to send my way.
It hurts me to think
That once upon time,
You were just someone's baby too.
Just like I am to you.

And you always wanted better for me.
Financially there was more stability
But together we erupted violently
Volcanoes crying spitefully
Scared to ignite the rivalry

You told me that the world won't take care of you, unless you hide your own vulnerability, make yourself useful, you'll have more opportunities too!

The markings run so deep, I stand by the family tree
I beg him to tell me the secrets. I need to understand the story.
These branches hold generations of survival, feelings that don't hold glory.

Unconditional love is conditional
Nothing is reciprocacal if you don't show your worth it- in the end. It's important for your survival to stay undeniably valuable to attain any kind of sustainability, my friend.

I didn't speak
I just let the tree whisper to me
Taking in the breeze between the branches
I heard him tell the tragic tale of each members past transgressions that later got imbeeded into my own actions.

Can I escape the fate of surviving the roots that are within this tree.
Or will I become a branch, forever  bound to grow in the same direction.
Seen, but out of reach
Losing touch with affection.
I hope to find that I can be my own seed.
Move close by,
but away from the original family tree

ive never understood why it happened
maybe i was misbehaving
maybe i was bad
maybe he just wanted to
to hurt me and make me sad

wheather it was my misbehavior
or his ***** second nature

i grew up mature
never a child
always an angel
never able to speak out

using my own words against myself

"i was too young to ask for that."

i never would have anyway.

-LJS