i should be in a war
i should be fighting
for my own freedom
the mind is not a joke
its difficult to control
i feel like crying
but whats the use
we are all in a journey
we all know about it
just do not take me yet
let me breath for a while
let me laugh like my friends
i deserve it, this is not the end yet
telling me about how life is useless
will not help
i need to be normal
the mind is not a joke
maybe it's just holes in my ears
i never did fill them up with gold
maybe it's just the color of my skin
i didn't try to draw it
you have no idea
it's what you tried to say
what i should have said
are you so weak
that a disagreement
makes you want to **** me
that's why i have holes
fill them with your hatred
and it will fall out the other side
try to rub it on my skin
and the ways of my father
will tell you that I am a man
I stood in awe of this being
Who commanded my heart
Took hold of my attention
And worked my mind
Like a master puppeteer...
Mind control, is it not?
Engulfing the minds of the population
Desperate for admiration
Intriguing the population
As the damage is forgot
Racing in the blood
A war in your veins
A chill remains
Clenching of fists
Heavily battering eyelashes
Chattering of teeth
This is going to take a while...
Strengthening a heart
Piecing the puzzles
Connecting messed up lines
Untying the knots
Take a look...
...there is a warrior in my hazel eyes
Do you remember that young child so innocent and small?
Do you remember her laughing as she ran down our hall?
Do you remember that little girl with that big eyed smile?
Who saw happiness and sunlight in all that came?
I cannot remember her, in fact I have never seen her again.
She sits in a mirror young and small, but instead of running she's forced to crawl.
She cries and cries as she runs from the unknown,
I asked her once why she's so afraid and with a sad reply that answer was shown.
There stood a shadow, with blood on his hands,
Then to my horror I fell-I once knew this man.
Until then I realized I had lost my innocence to this game,
I was controlled by the trauma that made me forget my own name.*
Excerpt No. 8
No amount of pills could ever "cure" me and no amount of doctors could truly know my pain,
Why I refuse to look in any mirror and why I sometimes almost go insane.
No therapy could ever make it "disappear" completely, or diagnosis try to "understand" me.
You see, I am not crazy or lost, I am not wanting "attention" or daft,
But I search for all that I've lost-
Freedom and memory, my smile and laugh.
Excerpt No. 5
"Happiness is wrong,
Sadness is right,
Healing is darkness,
And pain is the light.
To conquer pain is to add more,
On this you can be sure.
Love is hatred and cruel,
No one could ever love you- this world is dull."
If that is so, I would rather be killed saving lives,
Than live in peace within your twisted lies.
Excerpt No. 4
Shattered mind and stolen heart,
What you did was pull me a part.
From all that was and ever will be,
Not only did you govern my life but take my sight to see.
Throwing me back into the world, thinking I would be just another "machine",
I ran far away and found God within.
I now know men can be evil and often do cruel injustice to those blind,
You ask why I do what I do? Maybe because I believe in Freedom of mind.*
Another excerpt from my condemning past...
From name to name I tried to fit what would please you,
From "Skia" to "Luchesi" to ones like "Paradeaux".
Over and over I tried to find an image that would keep me from pain,
To my misfortune you only used it for personal gain.
I have come to the point of duality,
An awful state of mentality,
Where freedom is lost not just in body,
But mind and life;
To cause sickness, fear,
and ongoing strife.
What is my name? Do I really even know?
Who was I before I became a prisoner of control?
Everyone has grown hatred wanting to call justice,
But you see I understand now-that is why I instead call unto forgiveness.
Never hold onto hatred no matter what you've lost, not even the amount of fear, damage and pain-
Not even when you have lost your very own name.
Mind control suvivor...