Here I am again
trying to keep from sinking
but I am the dead weight
recollection of heavy bones

I try to pull it
out of me the black rays
feeding inside me
caged and reeling
a wounded raven

I dream of somewhere
beyond my reach
then I let the core flutter

I miss you today.
I miss you now.
The house is empty without your smile.

As I sit here, without you here,
I realize the words on your grave is sincere.

"A father, a son, a hurricane event.
Forever an angel, by God you were sent."

It's strange how I didn't even know
I missed you until I saw your face
from the other side of the crowd
and my heart knew it all, instantaneously.

Remember
When you said
I will always
Have your back
Where was
The warmth
Of your palm
Against my skin
That night
When my spine began
To crumble
And the walls were
Caving in?

He stepped forward
said this was his one chance
to say what he had to say
That he wasn't there
but that he’s here now
and he’s got a lifetime to make up for it

He knew my fears before I spoke them
what is my truth
is it the kind that cuts and pillages
Because I have
and I do
I have robbed that old lady at will
I have broken through stained glass doors
I have rained fire upon all those who stood in my way
I have taken what I wanted
I have bent people at mercy
I have lied
I have promised
and I have broken
so ******* righteous
What makes you think you're like him?
What makes you think Im not?

He said She’s not like him
four generations of heart ache
Of miserable broken pairings
Four generations of devastation
he said you've saved her
You've saved this family

He said she's not like him
she wont run
She’s got a father like smoke
but she’s water
He Said she’ll stay
She'll be here till the end
There'll a wedding with two dresses
but one father
Because her's is gone
like smoke
He said my son is too selfish
You'll never find the peace you're looking for
so just don't go
He says he If he was a better father,
I would of had a better father
and I'd have a different life
I wouldn't need to be this person
but its too late
Because I am
and this is my truth now
You played your part
and now I guess I'll play mine

Depicted as an addict for your afflictions, emotionally evicted, my ****** expressions are cryptic
I am absent.
I am a shoe without a sole or a tongue, hung over lines for everyone to see
I am absent.
"Perhaps CAPS is the best place for you." As time elapsed I couldn’t grasp the concept
Replaced the laces with stems from flower vases, It’s less about the material and more about the release
I am absent.
Adept at adapting to your feelings even when I can’t feel a thing, I’m already a ghost
So why is my lack of spirit haunting me? The somber face in the mirror sends shivers down my spine
I am absent.
In my head I find serenity in screaming obscenities, but to your face I timidly say, "It’s fine."
I find serendipity in finite extremities, they seem to be the only thing I can understand
Just give me an ending in transcendent tendons, I am fingertip dependent with a penchant for physical tension because...
I am ---

There's this little part of me sometimes
Who wants to know her father,
But the real her does not
Because she knows the one she would want
Is the complete opposite of reality.
But you see that's fine, really,
Because she could never find him anyway.
Her mother chases her kids father figures away,
Except just now it seemed their dads
Were coming back for them.
But my father can never come back for me.
You can't miss what you've never had
And I've heard that saying for a very long time,
That man that I don't want to know,
The one I shed tears for as a child,
I doubt knows that I exist.
So he can't come and find me,
But if he could I doubt he would anyway.
So still I will just have to say:
That you can't have what you haven't got.