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Aug 2016 · 936
i still dream about you
Syaff S Aug 2016
Can't believe my eyes,
you were there and you took me by surprise.
We were laughing and making jokes
and then you told me you had to leave by tomorrow.

I tried to tell you everything that's happened in my life.
It was bittersweet and nostalgic, and I could only blame bad luck,
that right after I said -
"I want to tell you everything but there's not enough time,"
I woke up.
this was such a hard dream to wake up to. your face was like a mix of what you look like in pictures now and from when i remembered you years ago
Jun 2016 · 332
Dreams
Syaff S Jun 2016
Last night I was with you in a dream,
what I remember most about it was how much I enjoyed your company,
us sharing inside jokes and laughing.
All I could think about today is wanting to go back to sleep.

I had to stop myself at 3 in the afternoon and then at 7,
and tell myself that none of it actually happened.
I still dream of you after all this time,
it's getting harder to remember when you used to be mine.
The dream has been bugging me the entire day today.
Syaff S May 2016
1) I dreamt about you today. You didn't say a word but I remember that I kept trying to find ways for you to fall in love with me again. I woke up empty, with our song stuck in my head the entire day. (20/5)

2) The moon is round and bright tonight. I wonder if you still look for the moon and stars and think of me. (23/5)

3) I dreamt of you. I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards. (21/6)
This is something new I'm trying out. I'm gonna keep adding on to this list as time goes by. Let's hope the list is a short one.
May 2016 · 982
a graduation gift
Syaff S May 2016
I looked for your face in the crowd.
maybe you would want to share this moment with me
The day ended without a word from you.

The Sun still went down,
the Moon still shone brightly in the night sky.
I still look for you.
I still, more than anything, wanted to hear from you.

I hope I made you proud today.
I graduated but the person I loved wasn't there and it didn't hide the fact that something felt unbalanced.
Apr 2016 · 400
re(dis)covering
Syaff S Apr 2016
There's this path I'm supposed to follow
A planned-out map with nothing in-between
It's this path I don't choose that leaves me hollow
While the traces in this life makes me incomplete

Haven't I done enough to be who I'm made to be?
My love wasn't meant to be passed on
when there is so much more to see.
I don't know who I am and it's scaring me.
Is it okay to feel this lost at 20?
Apr 2016 · 415
Still.
Syaff S Apr 2016
Be still, be here
Stay still, stay near
Beside me, consider this
Still life by your bedside.

Glances and pauses,
the blush in your eyes,
The sudden rush,
as you passed by.

My greatest fear,
of you no longer here.
You left but you're still here.
Apr 2016 · 703
To an old friend.
Syaff S Apr 2016
I've been having recurring dreams
about forgiving an old friend.
Three different dreams with one meaning
and they never seem to end.

1.
Do you still hate me?
After those fights we had, the gossip and glares --
I just thought we were better than that.

2.
Did you forget about me?
Remember when our memories could last forever?

3.
My last chance, the final test.
Please forgive me.
Hesitated with a glance and now I will never rest.
This is for you, my table partner and friend, never foe.
Apr 2016 · 680
Hello?
Syaff S Apr 2016
I woke up today with my hand on my chest
I think I dreamt about you last night
I wanted to call you but we left things at 'We'll still be friends'

*Hello, I miss you when it's night and in daylight
You weren't fine in my dream and I thought I'd call.
I just wanted to know if everything's fine with you, that's all.
I still have both your numbers memorised. They're no longer in use.
Apr 2016 · 356
Sleepless Nights
Syaff S Apr 2016
Since you said goodbye,
there's beauty in the darkness
and you're all I see.
It's hard for me to fall asleep when it's my birthday and you don't call.
Apr 2016 · 2.2k
To the Moon (and back)
Syaff S Apr 2016
When you said you loved me to the Moon and back,
how did you keep a straight face?

Did you own a calendar of love
measured by time and space?
You were always the one
who kept your distance
and counted down the days.

So tell me,
how long does it take you to get to the Moon and back?
Because I loved you till the Moon
but you never came back.
I love you to the Moon and back only made sense if you said it.
Apr 2016 · 1.4k
Skies vs You
Syaff S Apr 2016
I’m on my way home.
Sky's a mix of grey and blue -
still thinking of you.
A haiku you will never understand even if you found it.
Mar 2016 · 695
Green
Syaff S Mar 2016
Before my eyes met yours,
I never knew green was a colour i’d adore.
A diamond in the rough, your emerald eyes.
Now I wish green was the colour of the skies.

Before my eyes knew yours,
I wanted to drown in the eyes of ocean blue.
But in your deep forest eyes, consider me lost -
all I can see is you.

They shine like the northern lights,
I managed to sneak a few glances.
They can light up the darkest nights,
even the Sun would be jealous.

Your eyes are the prettiest shade of green,
the kind that makes me wonder if I’ve ever really looked at the trees.
Mar 2016 · 1.4k
You were Yellow like the Sun
Syaff S Mar 2016
Today my mother gave me yellow pillow sheets
and I freeze at the thought of falling asleep to your favourite colour.
I wonder if she knows my pillows are the only company I keep.
They are the ears for all the things I could never tell her.

They recognise the weight of your head,
the touch of your skin and subtle kisses.
They know when you’re not around and when I’m wide awake
and play the lullaby of your heartbeat and giggles.

I wonder if she knows that I still think of you till the Sun rises.
And if she’s saying “It’s okay if you find it hard to let go,
but here’s a list of all the different colours
you can paint over the ***** yellow.”

My walls are now of an endless storm.
They are the clouded memories that will keep me warm.
So no-
I don’t want to fall asleep to your favourite colour,
I don’t have to.
All the grey still makes me think of you.
I never liked yellow until you came along. After four years I still look for yellow.
Mar 2016 · 803
You were my world
Syaff S Mar 2016
On the bus ride home today I mistook a passing aeroplane for a shooting star and thought of calling you.

I found out recently that the longer you look at the sky, the more stars you’d find - I never got to tell you that. Maybe you would’ve been more patient with me.

I’m sorry if you thought I had to look up to see the stars. You should know that each time I looked at you I saw galaxies in your eyes. That when our skin touched for the first time I felt like I had experienced the entire universe. That laying with you in silence felt like I was floating in space. You should also know that when you left you formed a black hole in my chest that I still get ****** into every now and then.

*I’m sorry that I still miss you sometimes.
I'm sorry you're still my moon and stars.
Mar 2016 · 587
Ghosts
Syaff S Mar 2016
I’ve been seeing ghosts lately
the kind that keeps me up at night
Father wonders what’s wrong with me
Mother asks if i’ll be alright

I think I saw grandma, Pa
Her hair whiter than I remember
She was sitting on her favourite sofa
And playing with her pearls

Then I felt your presence around me
Your hands wrapped around my throat
With my heart on my sleeve
I begged and pleaded - "Please don’t go"

The ghosts have come back to haunt me, Mother
I can feel them in my bones
This time they taunt me and scream louder
But it’s better than being alone

- S.S (I want to see you but you're not mine)
I wish Grandma was still around to cook all her favourite dishes. I wish you were still around to laugh at all my jokes.
Mar 2016 · 504
Forgetting you
Syaff S Mar 2016
I can’t find you in songs or poetry
or in dreams or fantasies
I’ve lost count of the hair that falls on your face
and how you looked at me with the steadiest gaze

See with you i could’ve been anything
like the prettiest flower or boldest painting
But all you wanted was a steady hand to hold
and I’m sorry my hands shook whenever you got close

It’s ******* - time doesn’t heal all wounds
Hell, time didn’t exist with you and now without you I don’t.
For you, all my words are for you.

— The End —