My head still hits the bed,
Constantly figuring my hurt,
The source of my pain,
And the path to new love.

I still go to sleep,
Praying for beautiful dreams,
Dreams that aren't about you,
And dreams that come true.

I still wait anxiously,
For that magical day,
When I wake up,
Keeping your thoughts at bay.

I still get lost,
In the middle of my day,
Tired of figuring out,
How long you will stay.

I still had hope,
Until the day you broke,
My heart in million pieces,
In just one stroke.

And now,
It's time to let go.
It's time to let you go.

Shivering under my blanket,
Thinking out loud,
The concept of us,
The concept of you,
The concept of I.

We, look like a sunflower.
Symmetric, bright and warm.
Reaching out to the Sun
And outgrowing along.

You, look like a peyote
Amidst the dreary sands.
Lonely, drained and dull
Searching for its water,
Deeper in its own land.

I, look like a rainy day
Drenching both,
With life, love and hope.
Promising clear skies
And sunny days to cope.

Little did I know,
Peyote needs no rain.
And a sunflower,
Never grows,
From the seeds of peyote,
Such is the pain.

Did the efforts
Of the rain
Just go in vain?

The rains
Still drench,
Selflessly,
Still Searching,
For someone worthy.
Worthy is who?
Not us, not you.
Never us, never you.

Twenty Twenty

The air is new again,
Singing the love songs,
Announcing a fresh start,
But following the norms.

My love is the sky,
My lover is the moon,
My hope is fireworks,
And I'm all the stars.

Oh! Don't leave so soon.
I see you moon,
From every perspective,
Only to realise,
That perfection is deceptive.

Behold and hold,
My petals and my thorns,
Beauty is imperfections,
The reality I've known for long.

Kiss me again,
Heal my broken parts,
Allow me to fix you,
And promise me
Never to be apart.

You give me motive,
You give me direction,
You keep me going,
Despite all rejections.

We have our lives,
Different from another,

But one day of vulnerability,
two nights of heart to heart,
three words of magic,
And the four letters of l o v e
Is the reason we're still together.

What do i seek?
What more do I ask for?
What is it that's left?
To feel, to say, to listen and to bear.

To give is to take,
To trust is to wait,
To attach is to not depend
And to love is to not demand.
The only equations I understand.

But why is it
That I deviate
And I'm unable to take a stand?

But why is it
That my weakness
Makes you my need beforehand?

But why is it
That I want the mountains
And give in to the islands?

But why is it
That I always need time
And it slips away like sand?

But why is it
That I want to build a house
And still need my empty land?

But why is it
That I want to rewrite stories
And not give a second chance?

He beholds
Then holds
First my thorns
Then my petals
Peels it off
Slowly
Smells, licks, and tastes
Feels it
How naked I am
With discontinuity
In the form of thorns
Pure and placid
Flawed and fabulous
That's my soul
And his love for me
Deep, fiery, hot, and
PASSIONATE

I didn't sleep for three nights
For I could imagine what it will be like
To escape to the woods and hide
You see, it was 3 in the morning , an overnight journey by road.
While everyone was asleep in the bus, I was wide awake
The sight was silent and scary
I was looking at the night sky vary
Vary with pieces of land passing by
And each time I heaved with a sigh
I could see some constants
The moon and the stars and the beauty of the dark
I could see the emerging light reaching out to me from far behind the clouds
I waited for that one light streak
It clarified my doubts and illuminated the land I see
I wanted to fly and dance and see the light streak grow
Grow into lightening and thunderstorm where the stars were visible no more
I could see the moon dimming its glow
There, I realised that it was for the streaks to shine.
It taught me love and sacrifice
I could see the raindrops falling upon my window pane, slipping and changing directions and turning into beautiful patterns of nature.
A graffiti wall was all I could see
I touched it, felt it and yearned to embrace it.
Meanwhile my brain was joining all the dots with imaginary lines
Every part of me wanted to read the message it delivered.
I rested my head upon the window pane, and watched everything passing me by.
My eyes capturing every flashing moment, my brain making a picture necklace.
Now that's the movie I play on loop while letting it out.
With all the ecstatic songs I hum, I see myself on top of the world
I feel a breeze of positive vibes and my hair sway in pride.
I look up at the stars and smile wide
They twinkle with the same rhythm as my heart beat and the only reason why I love long drives
I could see myself blending in with the Universe and felt how it loved me like a daughter.
Everything was beautiful like grey and mauve in water.


- SWASTI JAIN