acceptance is something we all wish was contagious,
but true acceptance comes from a heart that is filled with patience.
fingers tremble as dreams race through your bloodstream.
trying on different clothes and attitudes makes your body ache and turn,
outside is an identity that isn't yours which feels as bad if not worse than a peeling sunburn.
"don't." you tell yourself. "don't give in to the personality you've thrown in the highest corner upon the highest shelf.
it's gone.

(j.a.r.)

Listening to Music,
Slipping between the notes,
Letting myself get lost in the feeling-
The emotion- and stealing
Back the last bit of sanity.
The bit that I had been using
As a tug-o-war rope
Between me and the people
Who can't really see.

Writing.
Letting the thoughts flow
Through me as I dream of
Something soothing,
And creating something
Great to share with others.
Something maybe they
Can relate to,
But it's okay if they can't,
Because to be honest it was meant
More for self-healing than
For others' need to critique.

Art.
All aspects,
From drawing to painting
To molding and crafting or knitting.
Something to paint the scene
That's in my head,
The one that I can't see dead.
A form of venting,
True,
But also of sharing a view.
Casting to canvas,
Or whatever else you'd use,
The beauty of the world,
Or the painful bits,
You choose.

Escapes from my reality,
A cruise around the world,
A chance to see my dreams
In actuality,
Instead of forgetting them too soon.
A chance to chase my pain away,
To feel a little less bruised.
A moment to breathe with ease
At least, and it's never a moment to soon.

Such potential for catastrophe,
God couldn't resist the flipping of my reality,
The idea of such a beautiful chaos,
It was a temptation too much,
So he submitted to the Irony calling him,
And tipped it into tragedy.

If ever there is no light in the shadows of your world,
I will be the candle that guides you back to your path.

everyone has "those days".
nobody specifies exactly what they mean when they say it, but everyone always seems to know.
it is April third, there is nothing important to me about this particular day, except for the fact that it has been a bad one.
i feel as if everyone and everything i have ever held onto is slipping away, and as much as i try to tell myself to not loosen my grip, my fingers keep coming undone.
i am aware of all these things going on around me but i cant wrap my mind around any of it, i cant make myself care.

I need to escape
I want to get away from this place
Bury my head in my hands
And just let the tears fall from my face

I want to runaway
From everything and everyone
Leave without a trace
And never look back at this place

So carve my name into your chest
and send me pictures, dear.

Write me letters in the red
and bottle all the tears.

Call me an angel.
Tell them I'm lying.
Scream it 'til your words make sense.

Fill your lungs with hatred
and spew out penitence.

Because you know with all your silent flames
and pledged ambivalence,
You know with all the months and years
of burning my pictures as incense.
You know that I'm your demons.
The burden that you bear.
I drove you to hysteria,
you say I brought you there.

So discard your kilogram of flesh
to punish me, my dear.
Leave it at my doorstep,
sweet nostalgia for my tears.

Tell me I tore you apart.
Whisper that I ripped out your reason.
And I will say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
I will say this.

But you never voiced your anguish,
your complete disappointment in me.
How was I to know that it was I
who drove you to insanity?

Hands shaking
Mind racing
Thoughts clouded
The room loudens
I cant breathe
I cant see
Hello my names Anxiety