I don't wanna get personal and hurt anyones feelings,
So I spit disses at myself, while I'm kneeling here revealing,
My ego towards the audience,
Take shots if you must,
Aim straight towards the body and,
Unveil my disgust,
Get personal and deep,
Like I'm a ******* creep,
That masturbates to pictures,
Of my sister while she sleeps,
I've got **** covered shoulders,
Acne on my back,
Incisors, canines, molars,
Covered all in plaque,
Had a *****, bu I told her,
To go make a stack,
Now in bed, I feel colder,
Cause she's never coming back,
She's out in town, feeling older,
Showing of her rack,
Gang banged by some soldiers,
That ****, then call her fat...
I had it all,
A nice ***** to satisfy every fetish,
Until I showed my insecurities,
And showed that I was jealous,
Then she held the power,
And broke us apart,
And I shattered to pieces,
And deserted my heart,
Now I take up the art,
Of writing poetry,
But that won't fill my cart,
With essential groceries,
And I'm unmotivated,
And way too lazy,
Anxiety dominated,
And ******* crazy,
Probably going legit insane,
With these "facts" my father put up in my brain,
Knowing you're thinking of a ******* shoe brand,
Whenever someone says my name,
Probably getting pretty annoyed,
When I just bought this ***** a "toy",
And she turns to me, acting all coy,
Asking if I know any cute boys,
I'll never amount to anything,
Mentally or physically,
Because I won't put in the effort,
And I'll just watch time killing me,
Waiting for the final year,
The final day, the final hour,
Or maybe offing myself,
With this depression looming over me like a tower.
I'm done.

Divine Understanding

I used to make you feel like a terrible person,
For choking on the marijuana smoke,
Knowing that your lungs would slowly worsen,
The smoke fog covering you like a cloak,
Now I am aware that I had a worse addiction,
I was addicted to the love you gave me,
Which was perfectly fine, but the real affliction,
Was that I didn't love you, you weren't my baby,
I thought I loved you, but I was just attached,
I didn't understand or accept you,
For eight months, it was the longest crash,
Cause not once did I truly respect you,
I wouldn't let you,
Hang out with friends,
Trying to protect you,
Which was wrong,
Except you,
Smoked your ****,
And got high,
With some guys,
And kinda,
Just let 'em slip,
Into your ******,
I deserved it, but *****,
You should've broke up with me first,
Should've just ended that eight month curse,
Or maybe at any point communicated,
Since I sincerely thought I was educated,
Regarding relationships,
But you never threw a single fit,
When I objectified you,
I never lied to you,
That was your bad habit,
But the reason why we split,
Really wasn't that elaborate,
I'm happier now,
And I hope you are too,
Now that you lived through me,
I see through a new view,
A healthier one,
One of respect,
Optimistic thinking,
Not thinking of you less.

I love you. I can't stand by and watch you torturing yourself. It's like watching someone I love **** another person I love. The only viable options would be to stop them from killing eachother or separate from them entirely because there is no reason to just stand by and watch... or is there?

The smell of butter, the taste of flour,
Children will mutter for half an hour,
Until everyone's food arrives,
Mouths full and away with the cries,
Of chattering people and loud music,
Eating is the only language fluent.

I hate to wake up to eight ton weights,
A chest plate pressed up against my face,
Eyes dart and heart race like you've been chased,
For days in a gaze that shows your amazed,
Deemed this was depression detaining me,
Deliberately dozing to escape memory,
But right off the bat it's a panic attack,
Maturity rewinds and minds all off track,
Rational depersonalization,
Constant nauseous dizzying rotation,
Locate lower lacerations that bled,
Flop to the floor and felicitations, you're dead.

The longer that you're gone, the more I feel insane. When you come back, I'm afraid I won't be the same. I've been stabbed and strangled and I've lost all my brawn. The hair will be mangled and the teeth will be gone. The shoes will be muddy and the bruises, there's a lot. The nose will be ****** and the eyes bloodshot. Both arms out the sockets and both legs in a knot. I bought a tiny necklace locket with a pic of the man I fought. He looks like me but I assure you, he's not. This person wasn't found. For this person I have sought. But this person can't be located in any one spot. Cause this person is with me no matter where I go. This person beats me up and I'd like you all to know that this man must be... he has to be a ghost. There's no doubt about it. He steals my buttered toast. My ribs hurt, but I doubt that I'm starving. The food goes down my throat, but he still must be robbing from my intestines and the warmth from my coat is being stolen like the float from my boat and the **** from my colon. The boats float was stolen so I'm sinking in the ocean blue. I'm feeling this way because there goes the crew. The captain and the sailors have all left the scene. No more broom men left to tidy so the woods all rotten and green. I'm sinking here alone and I would like my float back. Her name is Mia, shes amazing and she keeps me on track. I love my lil float more than any lil thing. I hope she loves me back and continues to cling onto me forever in our sweet state of bliss. I end this with an "I love you" and a "I sincerely miss".

I was used as a temporary coping device.
I am trying not to be ignored, but also trying not to be seen as clingy.
I will continue feeling pain without changing anything and just see what happens.

I would despise to summarize your summer eyes,
The perceptive, deceptive, gate way to your lies,
This time I rhyme about hot fumes that are in bloom,
I've been blocked, the room is locked, hotboxed and I cry.
Days and days, depressive ways, unconsciousness grew,
Star gazing, rage is blazing and I wish I knew,
How to get up far away from suicide cars...
I meant I'm sitting on cement and then there's you.
Make amends with old guy friends, that former sugar daddy,
Reconcile for a while with people that made you happy,
Whether that be Heather, Kobe, Joe or even Maddy.
Slowly bracing myself to leave your sweet embrace,
If I put on a mask and asked for a kiss, would you give me one last taste?
A disappointed disgrace, memories replaced,
With every waking moment you were baking... what a waste.
A waste of time and a waste of rhymes,
A waste of trying to change you into something you will never be,
A complete waste of my energy.

Have you ever met someone that was completely content,
With their love and lifestyle, and all cards that were dealt,
With all faults and regrets and feelings they felt,
Through the whip, the crack, and strike of the belt,
As they knelt down to bow to a God they had known,
To sit above everything on his shiny golden throne,
While the believers carved symbols into their fragile aching bones,
And chanted quiet mantras at inconceivable tones,
They knew they were praying to something that didn’t exist,
When they accepted that, they had hurt their fists,
By throwing punches at walls that were made of bricks,
And now their mentality was too far gone to be fixed,
They gave up on the thought of a lord,
And everyone became extremely bored,
Of repetitive tasks that lead nowhere,
So they all decided to stand there, strip bare,
And **** themselves,
Then they were aware,
That whatever dwells,
In the center of the soul,
Was a cancerous being,
That played a simple role,
A role being that,
Of embers or coal,
It lights the way,
To the final destination,
It helps you and hurts you,
In its cruel manifestation,
This is the truth,
And truth shows the way,
To a simple life,
Of white, black, and gray.

Why am I still unable to connect the dots,
Why do I have depressing thoughts,
Why must the ego cause the mind to go ablur,
Why do I always genuinely care for her,
Why won't I ever get drunk or ever get high,
Why, when I know it won't work, I continue to try,
Why do I lie in my poems about stupid ****,
Why won't I get a **** job or get a permit,
Why do I deal with a dumb step-dad and brother,
Why can I drop some things but then cling to others,
Why can't I find happiness in any passing day,
Why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say.

I tell my friend to stay strong,
Then I walk off a cliff,
I take a hit off my ****,
As I'm vertically adrift,
People ask me what's wrong,
But my stiff upper lip,
Sings a certain type of song,
That goes something like this:

I am okay,
I'm not in pain,
I don't feel like I'm slowly going insane.
I'm not in love with a girl that won't dare say my name.
I'm not ugly and disgusting and full of shame,
And contemplate suicide every single day,
Avoiding all people, the straight and the gay,
Because of my ******* an-xie-ty,
So stop asking me questions and leave me be.

I'll wander around on these empty streets,
Making use of my mind, my music, and these beats.

Going to a place that's fairly secure,
Ongoing suffering so I wish I were,
In front of a car that happened to swerve,
Nicely triggering all of my nerves,
Guess in the end that's what I deserved.

Thank you for trying,
Over my dead body.

Flying off a roof and then I'm landing,
Under a car that's death demanding,
Crushed and unconciousness ever expanding,
Killed off cause that's what Satan was planning,
In the kingdom of God where they were busy banning,
Nuns not ******* while Peyton Manning,
Grabs Bradys *****, not a sin but enchanting.

**** me please,
I'll beg and I'll plead,
Lie down here with me,
Lost, but I'm free.

My time is gone,
You must live on,
Say that you're strong,
Each of you belong,
Life isn't long,
For this is my song.

I can't wait for winter break,
Too much work and my brain aches,
Could just stop that's all it takes,
But I'm doing this for their sake,
Learn things for tests no mistakes,
Relate fingers to great lakes,
Superior till' I break,
To Michigan that's the stakes,
Get her on to take the cake,
Ontario has the steak,
More eerie than poison snakes,
To remember words and shapes,
That's what's done rewind the tapes.

You gave me a feeling that I can not replicate,
And I can't always see you because you sit and wait,
For another man that poisons you and even deflates,
Any chance of learning love in a positive way,
You know this already, but you still play his game,
As I am out preaching, he is butchering your name,
I think it's about time you knock him out of the frame,
All he's brought in the past is depression and shame,
I have to sit in sadness while he calls you babe,
My love is depleting, this does not feel great,
For some reason, your presence forever elates,
Still something on my chest when I'm around you, it's weight,
Tryna' keep my distance but not completely go away,
My feelings are dulling quickly, turning from white to gray,
My life portrays the perfect 'heart broken man' cliche,
My emotions were treated like some game you play.