bitter honey slipping from my lips
an acquired taste of hyper sensitivity
don't whisper to me any pain
it thunders violently- rupturing my brain
molten eyes capturing 1000 frames
processing what a diseased mind poisons
rose lenses shaken from memories
hung to dry into pungent trauma

nourish a moonflower
tears water her best
shield her from the sun-
for sunlight burns the thin petals

why wont the moon shine down evermore
I need its presence as I wilt
from this disease that seeks attention
from those favorable to my eyes
all other doses are fine
yet not as potent as that of fine ambrosia
leiden with gentle eyes and firm brows
sharp jaws and the softest of words

timelessly I am in awe over
how many petals I've left scattered behind me
in my quest- for eternal moonlight

tear it from my body- inky tendril by tendril
fuzed into my spine- commanding me when I'm nervous

I'm swinging from a pendulum, so high I'd crack my skull if I fell

choke it down so far down- the black phlegm that lines my lungs
that spit soaked yarn expanding- and collapsing with my breathing

I laugh behind a palm that hides black spores
eyes so dead behind my smiles
coughing- spitting up tar so vile it nauseates

I sleep with all the shards haunting my peripheral
fragmented memories pungent with

emotions I can't soak off
scrub and scrub- wish to rinse off down a drain

how is no one else seeing the stains-
that coat my skin in layers of ink
dripping from my skin and splashing with every step I take

Ripped from right now
Shoved into a yester-year
Eyelids parched- eyes seen too much
Eyes seeing too much
Jazz numbers haunting in step
Voices clawing down my throat
Don't recall what it was
Tastes of a frenzy and fear
Click clacking resounding
Fingers gripping after not before
Nightmares heightening
Tangling into- another disassociation

it is painful and numbing
To wish for hate to flood
I cannot hate you
Even if you do not let me go
But drop me
On my face onto concrete

City lights are so blinding
Blurring my tears
I swing on the moon
Sip from the devils brew
Just to momentarily forget you
Dont lift me so high
If you only wanted to drop me
Blood swells in my mouth
I choke on my heart
Your silence is deafening

Tires screeching in the night
Prolonging the inevitable
An accident at the center of my world
I let you in too close
I should have gotten better security
Tell em your description
This wont happen again
Except it will
It has
You're the first to get this close
To drop me from so high
I will cling to you in those seconds
Not life- not living- you
Made my life bearable
Did I hurt you accidentally
When I poured my poison
Into a glass
You tossed back toxin after toxin
Of mine
Like it was nothing
Did I hurt you
Did I change you

This numbing pain clings
Like your whispers across my skin
As you ran through me
Shivers igniting me aflame
You were always my favorite
I melted in your arms
It felt safe and warm
Did I push you away
When I put up defenses
When I simply was there for you
Or was I nothing
Did I demote along the way
Was I not enough
Did I not give enough

I didn't try hard enough
I wasn't enough for you
You think of me as irresponsible
Yet I did my best
It wasn't enough
I wasn't enough
Even at my best
You wished for me to be better

I'm sorry I am not enough