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Sherry Juliet Feb 2018
you are going to die
that is a fact.
you will cease to breathe
you will become forgotten
it is unlikely that any of us will leave a legacy

we think it's far away
we have plenty of time left
why worry?
have you ever talked to a dying person?
I mean someone who is literally on their death bed
they are facing the end of their life
they've always known that they are going to die
but when it comes to actually dying they're terrified
there's always too much left unsaid
they weren't spontaneous enough
or didn't do what they really wanted

they thought they had more time

so next time you aren't feeling brave
or hesitate before doing something you wanna do
just know
death is imminent
nothing you do really matters that much
in 1000 years no one will remember it
so go for it.

laugh as much as possible.
cry when you need to cry.
forgive and forget.
go get what you want.
don't be embarrassed by anything.
life is too ******* short
to not be brave
to hesitate
to not take that big step
or to even just say hi
for my uncle who passed too early, it reminded me to be mindful of  the decisions I make and to live my life while I can. **
Sherry Juliet Jan 2018
and then there are nights
when I just feel like ****
useless, stupid, petty
I get jealous over the stupidest things
then I get angry at my anxiety
but what if it's not anxiety?

I'm so ugly
I have acne
I don't party
I'm not an exciting or fun time
I study too much
why would you love me?

no, stop,  you idiot
he cares so much about you
he'd do anything for you
stop belittling him
...but what if he gets bored?

It's during these nights
that I don't talk a lot
you wonder if I hate you
you worry I might break up with you

baby I love you so much
I just sometimes wonder
how do you love me?
I can't even love myself
Sherry Juliet Jan 2018
i woke up this morning and felt nothing
my anxiety was gone
my sadness was gone
my pain was gone
my happiness was gone
my excitement was gone
my joy was gone

i went about my day
just a typical day
smiled, laughed, worked, came home
my boyfriend asked how i was
same answer as usual; fine

my eyes tired
my mind numb
no energy for emotion
no explanation or reason

so I will go to bed
and feel nothing
Sherry Juliet Nov 2017
I love talking to you
about how your hands got full of grease at work
I love talking to you
about how you want to raise our children on your grandmas farm
I love talking to you
about the amazing scrambled eggs you make
I love talking to you
about how you love when I stroke the hair behind your ear

and I also love talking to you
about how your boss gives you too much work
and about how you can't sleep at night
and about how much your father ****** you off
and about how much you miss your grandpa
and about your horrible coughing fits

I wanna hear about small victories throughout the day
I wanna hear about what you ate for dinner
I wanna hear about your favourite shirt getting ruined
I wanna hear about the kittens you found behind your house

I want to know you
and talk to you
and listen to your stories
because I love you
Calloused is defined as having a hardened area of skin.

But I would venture to guess
That if you looked at my heart
And compared it to
My feet and my hands
That my feet and my hands
Would be in better shape.
See manicures and pedicures exist
But regardless of all the wear on my heart.
There's no procedure that can soften it.

Life has taken sandpaper to me.
Marring me through
Missteps in love
And searing loss.
Leaving me hardened,
Which served its purpose,
At least I wouldn't be easily hurt anymore.

I avoided love.
Not out of fear, I'd tell myself,
But because I was done looking for it.
I'd tell people that I was waiting for love to find me.
And so I'm still waiting
Or hiding.
From the fear of opening up.
From the fear of softening.

It's hard to be yourself
When you know that
You're scarred
Or scared
Or both.
So the callouses come in handy.
Keeping me from pain and hurt.

Actually, I prefer the term hardened to calloused.
Simply for the sake of finding a better connotation.
I'd rather be hardened by my circumstances
Than calloused by them.
I'd rather be hardened by the hurt
Than calloused by it.
And if loss were to strike me in the face again,
I'd rather be hardened,
Instead of calloused.

But if you'd grab a dictionary
You wouldn't be fooled by my attempt,
At clever wordplay.
You'd realize that both are the same,
And that whatever I'd chosen to call myself
Didn't matter.
I was still as broken as ever.
Still scarred.
Still scared.
As hardened
As calloused
As ever.
Sherry Juliet Oct 2017
your hands
calloused with the evidence of hard work and pain
your arms
strong and thick from carrying the burdens of life
your back
solid and sore from constant stress
your eyes
sunken and tired

but oh your hands
so soft when they trace my lips
your arms
so tender when you hold me
your back
supporting me through every affliction
your eyes
filled with nothing but love
Sherry Juliet Oct 2017
I get upset at you
not because you do anything wrong
you make me feel loved
you listen to me when I've had a rough day and need to talk
you hold me when I just need to be held

I get upset at you
because I'm upset at myself
for letting you in
for letting you love me

I get upset at you
because I hate having something to lose
I hate feeling this much
I hate losing control

I get upset at you
because you make it impossible
for me to be upset at you
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