Calloused is defined as having a hardened area of skin.
But I would venture to guess That if you looked at my heart And compared it to My feet and my hands That my feet and my hands Would be in better shape. See manicures and pedicures exist But regardless of all the wear on my heart. There's no procedure that can soften it.
Life has taken sandpaper to me. Marring me through Missteps in love And searing loss. Leaving me hardened, Which served its purpose, At least I wouldn't be easily hurt anymore.
I avoided love. Not out of fear, I'd tell myself, But because I was done looking for it. I'd tell people that I was waiting for love to find me. And so I'm still waiting Or hiding. From the fear of opening up. From the fear of softening.
It's hard to be yourself When you know that You're scarred Or scared Or both. So the callouses come in handy. Keeping me from pain and hurt.
Actually, I prefer the term hardened to calloused. Simply for the sake of finding a better connotation. I'd rather be hardened by my circumstances Than calloused by them. I'd rather be hardened by the hurt Than calloused by it. And if loss were to strike me in the face again, I'd rather be hardened, Instead of calloused.
But if you'd grab a dictionary You wouldn't be fooled by my attempt, At clever wordplay. You'd realize that both are the same, And that whatever I'd chosen to call myself Didn't matter. I was still as broken as ever. Still scarred. Still scared. As hardened As calloused As ever.