Laying in my bed curled up
Acid in my throat because I didn’t eat
Clenching my fists around my blankets because I can’t sleep

Are you thinking of me?
Laying in a tent, uncomfortably,
Snuggling close to your fluffy white dog or your younger brother to stay warm.

Are you missing me?
No. Not the way I’m missing you
You’re not thinking of me the way I’m thinking of you
And though it means the world to me that a beautiful soul like yours is friends with a storm cloud like me, it shatters my heart into thousands of sharp, jagged pieces that you’re
~ just ~
my friend.

“I’m sorry but I need to know, is it mutual? It’s alright if it’s a no, I can handle it, I just want you...to be honest”
A pause...
Then the raindrop falls.
“Right now, it’s a no”

Ripples.
Right now.
Right now.
Right now.
No.
No.
No.
STOP.
I care about you so much, I know I need to let you go, so you would never read this, and I would never show anyone this.
It’s all swirling around in my chest, faster and faster until it explodes, word ***** and tears.
I love you.

I didn’t tell you I loved you, only that I had feelings for you.
Why bother? It would’ve made things more painful for me, more bitter for you.

But I can’t show you this.
I don’t want you to change.
I don’t want you to change the way you speak to me, to change your mind when you’re about to type a heart emoji,
to stop yourself after just saying “goodnight” and leave out the “baby”

This is my undoing, not yours, and I want you to keep letting me be your anchor, your shoulder, your shield, my open arms waiting to catch you when you tumble from your flight.
I can’t keep loving you, I can’t stop loving you.
I want to stop feeling at all.

O’ my Dear
Do not fear
All the burden
All the sorrow
Just bear

Your tears are precious
Don’t let it waste
Save it, collect it
Wait for the time to come
Then use your anger to boil it

O’ my Dear
Let your tears to
Become steam
Such steam has power to
Burn Kings and their Kingdom

Such steam has power to
Turn the entire empire upside down
So don’t be in haste
Wait for the time to come
Transform your tears into warfare weapons

So my Dear
Don’t cry, bear the brunt
Recognize the Power of Tears
Then conquer the evil
Change the world

Create a world full of joy
No Sorrow, No Burden
Joy and Joy forever
Peace and calm everywhere
Happiness, Happiness everywhere

i witness bliss in your destruction
a serendipitous demolition
with precision you tear apart
the remainder of my heart
and inflect the blessed pain of love

I could watch your breath all night long
knowing within it carries all of our future,
all of the ways you’ll speak your love
into my open and willing heart,
knowing it carries the air that
gives life to the soul that I will cherish
for the rest of my days.

I seem to only live in seconds.
Second child bearing.
Dining in
second plates,
Wearing second hand garb.
Wait a second bus!
My clocks second hand too slow.
Third child born,
living second child syndrome.
The first of my kind,
still only second best.
And for the record, I second that!
I seem to only live in seconds.
Rise in fog and clouds,
and a split second rain.
Or let me think for a second.
Could be second hand smoke.
And when the time comes,
to end that very small space in time,
I'll be ready.
In a second.

Sun and Moon posture a battle stance  
Charge of darkness parry of light          
Pagans celebrate the Sun's advance      
Four days from the longest night

The heart beats slower laying down
Weight of grave dirt heavy underneath
Sleep of the dead being a rapid rest
Fills the now with purposeful breath