I saw you again today,
And oh dear let me tell you that not a single curl of your hair,
or plane of your face,
Not a note of your comforting cologne,
Not even that impish grin
You said you had of course,
But I know you only changed as much as I did,
In something so small as developing a taste for coffee,
That had always been there.
I only realized how much I miss you when your ****** friends ditched us,
Somehow just as I expected.
As we sat on that log, coughing and laughing from all that harsh smoke,
And of course you sat there anyway, like a stubborn ***
because you probably thought it would make you seem more attractive,
To smell like a walking campfire.
You didn’t have to tell me,
For me to see that you’ve never been more alone.
And let me just tell you, I’m so
I can’t repeat it enough.
You deserved so much better than to be some fling,
Because, just like me,
You could never just be a fling,
You love with your whole being
With a heart as broad as that hazy sky that wraps around us on this island
You deserved so much better than a girl who treated you like a burden,
Than a girl who would push you away,
A girl who would lie,
All you wanted when you pushed my buttons all those times,
Was the real picture of me,
Instead of all that photoshop
Pouring out of my mouth.
I now remember, you said I was too perfect.
Funny how that works out, I felt the same way about you.
‘Till you spilled all the darkest things you’d never said aloud without any hesitation,
‘till your tears were smoothed away by my words’ comfort,
Or perhaps lack of judgement,
But of course I lied about mine.
You only saw the shallow scratches,
The ones that came before I learned where to hide them.
I wish I’d let myself trust you.
I wish I hadn’t lied.
I wish I could’ve just carved all the things that were tearing me apart inside
Onto that stone platform we stood on
Instead of telling you something akin to not realizing I had preferred tea all this time.
Now that I realize,
That the reason we never worked out
had nothing to do with my alleged distaste for coffee.
In truth, I’ve always had a taste for a few types of both.
I resolve to be more honest next time.