Let my heels brush,
The bushy heads of evergreen trees,
With fingertips enveloped in mist,
Ghostly wrists drowning in breathy kisses,
Fulfill my desire to feel your skin
Drink in its warmth,
Flush against mine
Draw me close by strings attached
Just under my ribs,
Please...

Turn this ethereal moment
Into an ephemeral forever.

I saw you again today,
And oh dear let me tell you that not a single curl of your hair,
or plane of your face,
Not a note of your comforting cologne,
Not even that impish grin
Has changed

You said you had of course,
But I know you only changed as much as I did,
In something so small as developing a taste for coffee,
That had always been there.

I only realized how much I miss you when your ****** friends ditched us,
Somehow just as I expected.
As we sat on that log, coughing and laughing from all that harsh smoke,
And of course you sat there anyway, like a stubborn ***
because you probably thought it would make you seem more attractive,
To smell like a walking campfire.
You didn’t have to tell me,
For me to see that you’ve never been more alone.

And let me just tell you, I’m so
So
So
Sorry.
I can’t repeat it enough.

You deserved so much better than to be some fling,
Because, just like me,
You could never just be a fling,
You love with your whole being
With a heart as broad as that hazy sky that wraps around us on this island

You deserved so much better than a girl who treated you like a burden,
Than a girl who would push you away,
A girl who would lie,
All you wanted when you pushed my buttons all those times,
Was the real picture of me,
Instead of all that photoshop
Pouring out of my mouth.

I now remember, you said I was too perfect.
Funny how that works out, I felt the same way about you.
‘Till you spilled all the darkest things you’d never said aloud without any hesitation,
‘till your tears were smoothed away by my words’ comfort,
Or perhaps lack of judgement,
But of course I lied about mine.
You only saw the shallow scratches,
The ones that came before I learned where to hide them.

I’m sorry.
I wish I’d let myself trust you.
I wish I hadn’t lied.
I wish I could’ve just carved all the things that were tearing me apart inside
Onto that stone platform we stood on
Instead of telling you something akin to not realizing I had preferred tea all this time.

It hurts,
Now that I realize,
That the reason we never worked out
had nothing to do with my alleged distaste for coffee.

In truth, I’ve always had a taste for a few types of both.

A grand opening of grander doors,
Fairy lights, cake and lace,
An evening for a girl transformed
Red silk rustled in elegant grace,

Spun ‘round the ballroom,
One, two, three,
‘Till we were a blur of smiles and red,
We floated on currents of symphonic glory
‘Till throbs of pain came with every step

The spell could last as long as we wished,
And your boy was secretly jealous,
That night, you were my princess
And I was Cinderella

Maybe I can cut my hair,
Fresh start,
Bring me closer to a feeling that’s not quite there.

Want to be loved,
Just not by you.
I wish I could feel for you the same way you do...
But there’s a sunflower seed still growing wild somewhere inside me,
Even though there’s no hope for it to be
It’s still there

I don’t understand
Why my love is something you need to understand.
You want to spend the rest of your life with a woman,
So why can’t I?

I don’t understand
Why I’m supposed to be proud.
It simply happened, it’s not an achievement.
I’m proud of my sisters who overcame oppression, my brothers who accepted themselves,
But not because of how I am.

I don’t understand
Why you’re sad about this.
You weren’t sad when you found out about the disease,
You brushed it off,
“caprice” you called it.
And now you are sad that I might not have biological children.

I’m not an alien, a walking freak, a troubled deviant.
I’m not broken.
I may be, but this is the one sure thing that that’s normal, healthy, BEAUTIFUL about me.
Let me love in peace.

Remember the day I came to school with my hair shorn?
Caterpillar fuzz on the back of my neck, finally feeling a breeze on my scalp.
Fluffy locks on top.

Remember the days I began to dress more comfortable?
Men’s shorts have real pockets,
Plaid shirts keep the scalding sun off my shoulders

That’s when the questions, the stereotypes started.
No ill-meaning intended, but curiosity.
Asking about labels.


So yes,
I love women too.
What is it to you?

You say that you’re ashamed,
Afraid to admit,
They’ll say you should’ve seen the signs.
Don’t they know the witch’s house really was covered in candy?
No one could notice the skulls laying nearby.

He torments you, he wrings you out,
Leaving you reaching for the door,
But once your fingers brush the ****,
You’re betrayed by his kiss,
And the torment starts once more.

For twenty years you’ve kissed a the ring he doesn’t wear,
But lately, when we go outside,
The faintest hint of dawn light
Glows like the smoke of a blown out candle,
A nearing end, a nearing flight.

The crackle of Lofi beats and fingers combing through acoustic strings always reminds me of you,
Laying on a sloping floor sharing cheap sour candy,
When our fingers would occasionally brush looking up at that epileptic nightmare of a laser show in the pitch black of Michael Jackson’s top songs,
I swear it was the closest thing to a high that two suburban girls like us could ever feel.
I could’ve just turned my head and we would’ve been kissing,
But instead I now turn my head to writing poetry that you’ll never read
On these rollercoasters of stinging eyes and insomniac nights.