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"no strings attached" hurts, but when your only other alternative is goodbye even you can make compromises to ease the pain
- no matter how much you tell yourself he wants to see you, all you're doing is etching the pain away into a ball covered in lies - he will message you when he wants, he will see you when he wants, and when he's busy, he's not thinking about you
- being nice will only get you as far as you let it, because eventually it'll lead you to sit in a chair and listen to the sound of your tears hitting a floor you used to lay down on
- on days when you're particularly down, the sun is truly a friend, because at least the heat helps you realize that you're alive and still breathing
- the only source of happiness comes from within, and moments of "maybe I can live without him" come a lot more frequently when you open yourself up to the beauty of the world around you -  a world previously overshadowed by him
- do all that you do for you and no one else, wear dresses and shorts, **** cellulite and insecurities, love life and love breathing and love your split ends because in the end it's only one life and living it to the fullest is truly what it's all about
- letting go of your fears will make you more wholesome [bugs are still scary, but the peak of tall mountains are there for the view and not the pain]
- never tell yourself something is impossible, because climbing up 10,000 feet seemed terrible to you but you did it and realized there is so much more to this huge world that you've never realized
- reminding your parents everyday you love them isn't something to be ashamed of because in a month you'll be living alone and that means no more of dads sandwiches and moms comforting talks
- don't worry about your appearance - having pimples is okay, dying your hair is okay, having stretch marks is okay... just be yourself and the rest will fall into place
- drama will be drama no matter where you are, but only you can let it get to you
- in the worst of times, calling up your best friend and laughing it off even when it seems impossible is really what will get you through another day
Thescientist Jan 28
Too many things that can't be explained.
It can fill a room up with questions.
My suggestion,
it's unexplained and out of body.
Like matter in confined space,
and human spieces.
But what matters is we find peace,
and as a matter of thesis,
how do we pick up the pieces?
Thescientist Jan 3
You're the type of person that wakes up before light,
because you refuse to be ruled by the sun.
You also secretly trust no one.
From what I can tell,
and this is just someone
from the inside looking out,
your high standards in friendships often leave you sad and alone.
It makes sense why you do not let people stand behind you.
Thus, why you are always last.
You love in a way unimaginable to man,
But yet you can not seem to commit to anyone.
I wonder if it is that you don't truly love who you are. (see real definition of unconditional)
I wonder if it's because you can not see growing old with another,
Mixed with fears of aging yourself.
I suppose you would rather die alone.
Always threatening to jump ship,
So when it sinks( and it will)
you are not on it.
I can tell in your language that you just recently started loving your body.
That happens when it's being pl̶e̶a̶s̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ treasured correctly.....to be continued
Thescientist Nov 2019
I have a friend named Gary, and he has been feeling a bit low during the holiday season, so i wrote a song/poem for him hoping it will cheer him up.  In my best voice, i will sing this to him at our friendsgiving.

Garyyyy
Would you like to maryyyy?
An ordinaryy.
And somewhat hairyyy!
Please will you tell mee!
Ohhhhh Garyyy.
Will you pop my cranberryyy?
Just don't be scaryy.
But i love you barelyyy.
So let's just be merryy.
And drink lots of dairyy.
On the contraryyy.
Lets just be marriieedd!
I love you Garyyy.
No, not you Larryyy.
My good friend Garryy.
Thescientist Jul 2019
Dark times
Coming around again.
Wet face
The only way to sleep again.
My heart has traveled in
Dark waters
Coming up for air,
Nothing but rain again.
Afraid of the silence
Lonliness back again.
This never ending road.
Aching soles again
Taking shots
Shooting pains through me
Bullet proofing
Vest wearing days again
On my knees ,
calling out
Time to repent again
Throwing rocks and
Ruptured housing
Glass in pieces again
Soaked up the gin
Im so so lost again
Trying to get out of it
Too late
Sinning again.
Thescientist Jun 2019
Enter Summer! Hi how you doin?
Nice to see you again.

But, Ummm
can you perhaps bring back
the man,
whose face was not tan,
a mysterious lad.
No two o'clock shadow
No stubble
No fuzz.
Just winter in hand
and oh my bearded man.
I miss him terribly.
Stupid solstice.
Thescientist Apr 2019
He said I always talked over him. And it annoys him. He never spoke to me like that before.
I said, "I do"?
I didn't think I was doing it, but I apologized any way.
Because that's what you do when you love someone.
But inside i was boiling with rage.
I wanted to lash out at the ANNOYING bit,
But then that would prove the very thing he's accusing me of.
Can't have that.
So I keep it inside bottled up.
I can't talk to him the same now.
Maybe my feelings were hurt.
Over the weeks i felt frozen.
Forced smiles and skipping favorite shows together.
The *** was still amazing, unfortunately
Im starting to think that's all we were good at.
All i know is something had changed.
And it hasn't been the same since.

Scared to be alone again.
Scared to be on my own.
Scared of living within.
Terrified of time wasted.
And time is scary,
Terrifying if you waste it.
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