The whole drive I could not stop the stream,
Hot and urgent they let themselves go,
Gleaming like shiny babies in the artificial white lights.

The bald heads vacantly size me up as I arrive;
These ghosts have seen their share of streams
Till they have none left to reminisce.
They nod knowingly.

I hurry to the mirror to destroy any evidence and......I smile.

These tears have created the perfect smokey eyes.


17.4.15
(C) 2015 Shalini Nayar

"Not too long to go now," your bones squeak,
Your feet has seen things, your eyes have travelled far and wide
The promise of a new land
That peeks through the stony shreds
The quiet murmur of freedom the masses dream of,
For justice to finally matter.

And oh, how the heavens creaked open
Illuminating its light on all that is holy
'This land is rightfully ours and it shall be with the rightful owner' you demanded ever so gently,
People of the land marching in solidarity on the barren sand cheering,
"We're with you bapaji, never give up!",
And the foot trails you leave behind unshackle history and make new ones
That will be whispered in centuries from now.

The road forks ahead, ever more complicated and rusty,
But you trudge on to not break those hearts
That have taken upon themselves to beat against yours,
Your walking stick stabs the earth as you inch towards the promise behind those walls.

Not too long to go now.

31.3.15
(C) 2015 Shalini Nayar

The wild current flows, stopping for no one,
As I reach out to grasp what was left:
A hint, a memory waving by like deja vu,
Random access memories;
Perhaps I've imagined it all.

Here I am grappling again,
With that titanium door bolted shut,
Safeguarding anything that tries to trespass it;
One word, a grunt, a slight nod, casual shrug
       Indifferent smiles
As you flow over rough and rocky terrains,
Boulders sharpening your edges,
A gaze here and a whimper there,
Your mind jostled, warranting rhymes,
As my heart gets trampled by the one you love.

Lucid dreams morphs into lucid visions,
I try to see what you see through the eyes you possess in the islands of your heartbeats and the crimson nerves coursing through your veins,
Alas the curtains come billowing down shut, "Nothing to see here, go on back home folks" and the circus ends for the night---
           Not till a stubborn tug in the depth of my soul says it deserves
           A slight hope that one day you would weave me unconditionally in your reflections,
           To navigate the mountains together---
But for now, the ringmaster declares the show's over.

My weary heart has seen it all, heard it all, always sleeping with one eye pry open,
The other eye shut in prayer this wouldn't be the norm,
As I hold on tightly to the current, wildly rushing through the fabric of time,
Leaving no traces of faces behind but a faint tapestry of a memory
By the lake, held tight,
Supported by wiry artistry,
Calm on the surface but paddling nervously underneath like those waddling ducks,
Your lips and eyes melting into mine,
Asking me to be yours.

19.2.15
Shalini Nayar
(C) 2015

Velvety smooth like cocoa butter voice,
In strength and poise you honour and bask,
Just to hear you laugh being silly is my task,
In your arms I'd want to be forever if I had a choice.
Beautiful inside and out, you've brought being a gentleman back in fashion,
Everyday is a joy with you that keeps getting better,
Always reassuring and sweet with your words and actions,
Reigniting fiery flames whenever we're together.

Shalini Nayar
27.11.14
(C) 2014

They call this a form of madness because you stepped into my void right out of my dreams where you reigned free in my subconscious waving like the good naval officer that you were returning home after a long mission wearing all-white linen none out of place crisp clean-cut shoulders padded with shiny metals head balancing the white hat that sat tall there like a good boy behaving in the church pew and all I feel is your radiant smile glowing out of you like a million little sunbursts swallowing me whole by the pier leaving behind nothing to prove I even existed.


Now, isn't that madness?


Shalini Nayar
25.11.14
(c) 2014

A perfect man for me was never moulded by a box,
A box that screamed multitude of labels
To satiate the chaotic minds of society,
A belonging judged by feudality, no rhyme or reason required or questioned.

A perfect man for me was never measured by material things,
He gives abundantly by just being around,
An illuminating source of comfort on the other end listening,
Empathising and leaving a trail of laughter that makes me fall even deeper.

A perfect man for me was never masked crusader (okay, maybe Batman sometimes),
He is maskless for the world to bask in his genuity,
No bounds or limitations set on his acts of kindness and love,
Selfless and generous with his time, blind to any creed or pedigree.

A perfect man for me was never one to run away from problems,
Valiantly facing the raging bulls head on,
Inner strength personified by his poise and determination,
"I will get through this unscathed and no one will stop me".

A perfect man for me was never an owner of a cold crackled heart,
Headstrong, gallantly keeps the family together in a bind of unconditional love,
Lovingly adores his sunshine, making sure she knows she is loved with the same fervour,
Day in and day out, void of complains and pettiness, as the world turns.

A perfect man for me was never perfect,
Owning up to his flaws and shortcomings and being aware of mine,
A cycle that is never vicious but one that is laced with acceptance and non-judgments,
He inspires the best version of myself as he aspires to better himself.

A perfect man for me spells Y-O-U,
And the way that you are is exactly how I love Y-O-U.

Shalini Nayar
24.11.14
(C) 2014

These walls have witnessed too much:
Fallacies hang on chipped paints,
Too weighty for their own self-murders,
Forming a plastic smile, remaining incumbent.
Air conditioned with rife medicinal regrets,
Coldly wafting in its nonchalance,
Armoring itself for another wave.
This time, the finality catches its last breath
Dyeing the molecules with dying grace
Like an ouroboros forking its venomous tongue on its own end,
Tasting not death, but imminent immortality.

The Godly air consumes me as I tiptoe across the marble floor,
Icy, tightening their grasps with every step I take.
Stories around me come alive in magical paintings, snaking their way in every corner,
And in sculptures that speak an unspeakable history, ancient truths that we all try to seek.
Their stony eyes follow me wherever I go, priestly and judgy.
As I glide, my heart flutters with rains of fear and thunders of uncertainty,
But as soon as I catch you sitting at the edge in your calm, patient demeanour,
A mere turn accompanied with that smile melts away all stormy qualms like nothing else.
You are my truth and I have sought it.

Shalini Nayar
7.11.14
(c) 2014

They fall inconspicuously, these fleeting memories,
Racing against one another piercing the electric air,
Reaching the earth only to marry each other like a perfect jigsaw,
As they meander through the burgeoning of their beating hearts.

Where do beating hearts reside but in our guarded rib cages?
Vibrations tremble through them as our minds recall past ages,
A twinkle in their eyes, indicators of a point in time,
Where their memories converge and haughty hearts beat furiously.

It never came easy this journey, the path once strewn with things they wish they can take back,
Now strewn with things they never want to let go,
Found in one another as though they've always been there to be discovered
By the one that braves a thousand thunders as they clap through the cardiac waves, beating as one;

Fluidly shifting through dreams of despair and profoundly yearning for hope,
Embracing many potential endings ravenously, onto resilience,
Having eternally reached memories, infesting them
Planting new seeds of faith, erasing all that is dark and cold, but maintaining an authority of importance.

~Shalini Nayar & Vijaya Balan
5.11.14
(c) 2014

All that glitters never meant much to me,
Petals fall & fade, withering along with time like its temporary immortality,
Money joining suit in its temporary fervour, but never buying love as the Beatles crooned.

So let me tell you what does:

The look on your face when I've made you happy with a surprise or two;
The sound of your laughter reverberating through the air as I cowl in my witty silly remarks;
The mental connection that pleasantly astounds me with every thought-stealing line and mirrored gestures-humour-reaction-action;
How your words has awaken the inner dormant writer/poet and inspired to put my venomous quill to paper again;
How you make me feel beautiful, appreciated and respected, just the way I am;
Your empathy and understanding that chase the dark clouds away and silence my demons;
The way we make love with the glances we exchange in public like there's no one around;
The way we make love with our bodies, explorative archaeologists tracing each other's landscapes gently-sweetly-devilishly;
How you claim my arm across, intertwining with yours, caressing it as if it's a part of you;
When your palm holds my face lovingly while we exchange sweet kisses, nibbles and all;
Blowing soft breaths onto our goosebumpy skins, whispering how much we love each other;
Cheekily stealing smooches at traffic light stops which never seem to be long enough;
Resting your head on my sturdy shoulder as I cushion mine into yours, christening it with my lips,
As we serenade that BSB song transporting me back to 14 again.

And the realization pierces me through like truth always does:

That I would not trade any moment, any era, any wish, any desire
Than the one right now with you that has headily grasped me so:
A dizzying cocktail of drugs that is you.

Shalini Nayar
31.10.14
(c) 2014

Whenever I am alone with you,
You make me feel like I am whole again,
Deskinned bare for my bear, only my truest self left to see,
And I can't bear to lose him in any circumstance.

He loves me for all the imperfections that make the perfect me,
Never flinching when tears are brimming my eyes,
His unwavering strength carries me through this perfect rain storm of sorts.

I know the Universe didn't conjure this up for naught,
So to the powers that be I plead, commiserate,
That the truth shall prevail and always reign.

Shalini Nayar
25.10.14
(c) 2014

In the darkest hour the sliver of light pierces through,
Illuminating the bones of our truth,
Rearranged and remoulded by the sands of time,
Revealing its raw crevices for the world to see

They say it's darkest before dawn,
In the still of the night, they danced in unison,
Intertwining individuals intercepting fate,
Setting forth a fiery flame for all the pawns in this game

Carnal desire madly racing through their veins,
Pulsing the minutes as if life depended on it,
Passion enveloping the world only they could bear witness to,
As the crack of the moon dragged her blacks across the Jungian skies

They fight for the other like no other,
They will wait out stormy seas and torrents of trouble,
Where does faith lie but if not in their hearts that had been glued back?
For the bonds of love can weather through any matter.

~Vijaya Balan and Shalini Nayar
21.10.14
(c) 2014

These words may not do justice,
But it's all I've always had,
Now they bear meanings only you and I know.
And I knew that when we ventured far and wide
Through the Roman fields and back,
Exchanging banter and doses of sarcasm,
That you were a special one.
I knew that wasn't the last time I was going to bask
In your radiant smile and that mischievious twinkle in your eye,
As the Universe conspired this connection
To unravel at the perfect time.

Shalini Nayar
(C) 2014 (13.10.14)

Where was I in this equation before?
Where were you?
What is it about that fear that sometimes paralyzes our thoughts,
Wanting everything but fearing losing everything,
Like the python's venom racing against time to end time?

Shalini Nayar
1.10.14
(C) 2014

The man of my dreams
Regally feasts, then coffee.
Come here, marry me.

Shalini Nayar
© 2006

Faraway dreaming
Of another life, wishing
To be held by you.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

Whatever may come,
I know I can survive it.
I can cook **** well.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

The star breaks into
A million false hopes, dashed dreams.
Awake my blind child.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

The snake is hissing.
Its diamond eyes cast a sin.
Suffering begins.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

All world’s a stage, men
And women are mere players.
Shakespeare told me so.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

I am so drowsy,
The air envelopes me now.
There’s no escaping.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

The moment he knew,
A flower dropped on his head.
Love began to bloom.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

When you read my lines,
Above, under, in between,
Don’t ask their meanings.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

A chance for these pills
To swim, to coat, to worship
My battered system.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

Who the **** are you
To control the destinies
Between me and her?

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

Would you believe it
I am finally at peace
With my insane thoughts.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

Light lands like a wreath,
Illuminating my thoughts.
Calling for you, you.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

I have gone through the
Holy Grail of total pain.
Nothing can hurt me.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

Next time a man says
He prefers a homely girl,
I'd spit in his face.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

I'm forced to reckon
With the very things I hate.
I climb out my shell.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

There are nights where I’d
Feel your tongue slither with mine.
Dreams remain as dreams.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

My distant aunt is
Getting hitched. Isn’t that sweet?
I don’t know her.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

Save those drowsy looks
For after. You look so good
Dancing by yourself.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I think all of the
Stuff I write are just plain ****.
I hate what I write.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

Love, relationships,
Men, boys, ******* tingles.
All those things bore me.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

This is me, pouring.
I know what/where it is now.
I must be patient.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I have always known.
But you know me, impatient.
I try wrong ones first.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I know you’re not here.
In some lush faraway land
There, you await me.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

Stopped here just thinking
Of you, the power of you.
Consume me wildly.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I tell her it is
Rage that fuels all my poetry.
I might be wrong now.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

Today I’m happy.
No fretting nor despondent
Just plain positive.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I’d rather be blind
Than witness you breaking down.
It’d break me instead.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

Leave me here basking
In this sweet garden of lust
Longing for your scent.

Shalini Nayar
© 2004

I was right about myself.
Even though a year ago I had it all figured out,
I'd still hurt myself.
It's the longing for a soulmate.
Desperation for a penal man.
Knife-wounds still stripe my bare back.

Shalini Nayar
© 2005

she was like an inviting lotus
seducing into her roots
of sensuality and infinite pleasures

her love was of a collage
of blue and purple pigments
tainting its withered petals
enticing the skeptic

she was an Immortal
like a beautiful mystical goddess
inducing intrigue
inviting the uninvited

Shalini Nayar
© 2001

the marbled kitchen floor
now inherited shapeless
broken pieces
of plates

she sees him walking away
after his cantankerous
plate throwing spree
showing no hints
of an apology
or remorse

she ponders about what kind of
metamorphosis has belied
her once
considerate
hopelessly romantic
debonair
non-alcoholic husband
she once thought she knew
she once thought she loved

she continues to do the dishes
now washing slightly chipped glasses
and looks at the empty plate rack
and thinks
I shall buy new ones tomorrow

Shalini Nayar
© 2001

the hundred year old stairs
wakes up from its dreamless slumber
to find the world has spun
for an infinity too long

it once roamed
and ruled
the household of Chathanathodi
making way to the rooms
upstairs
that conspired a thousand
whispered secrets

simultaneously
sprawling its termite-infested legs
to make way
downstairs
that injected an aura of
omnipotence

its laddery body was now a little chipped
and its creaky joints, a little shaky
but it didn't matter
as it was still conspicuous
and strong
like Hercules
leading unsuspecting mortals
upstairs and downstairs
to its universe of Gods

Shalini Nayar
© 2001

look up, look up
pretty bride
look how the seats are arranged
just like your marriage
promising a plethora
with three knots of the saffron string

look down, look down
blushing bride
look how your hands are laden
with orange mehndhi
matching your silk orange sari
with your sparkling diamond and gold jewels
blinding the third eye on your forehead
that blinks uncertainly

look around, look around
naïve bride
look how the sun rushes through the hall
waking up sleeping jasmines on your hair
fading away the wretched past
ending your stormy dormancy

look right, look right
****** bride
look how your husband-to-be is next to you
cupping his hands in yours
receiving the priests' blessed blessings
and sharing the confetti of thrown rice

and you close your eyes
tired bride
praying to live
happily ever after

Shalini Nayar
© 2001

These poems are always born colourful.
Pointy and symmetrical, they are life, crafted
Specially for schools that have no bell-rings
Or even recesses. How dull it must be.

They come in different morals: steaming ships
And inexperienced rafts, all trying to taste the
Same water at once. The ships do have an advantage
With big chimneys but it’s the rafts that are more careful.

And how kaleidoscopically they flaunt themselves!
Angels are always with their kin (how saintly), and tigers proudly
Race with their predation pride. The normal ones
Adapt normally, till the gold one comes oval-gaping for air.

It is almost operatic, the bullion fatly singing
A joyful soprano that spirals its corpulent body,
Indelibly marking its forte and making
Everyone else envious. The rest soon join in the orchestra.

Colloid-free, their airy world so thin and wet, the
Little air bubbles drop, drop, drop as clock-like as possible
To balloon and reign the surface. The water’s
Fully bloomed now. They are ready to breathe.

Doctor’s miracles, they are born with unblinking eyes.
Their skin flat and overlapped like thin slices of birdfeathers
And wide bloodless cuts run at each cheek. They defy
Physics with their aerodynamic bodies and a thousand striped hands.

Every nook and cranny of their house is carpentered accurately:
Mirror-rimmed and exact. Windows glued for viewing, flawless.
The tenants move about freely, occasionally pausing to wave
At the guests through the translucent eye pieces.

Untiringly they follow the irises that gawk at their gill-full skins.
The cameras icily smile flashes and these water-gods snap away
Like graceful thunders. Their scissor-tails dance from side to side, panicky,
With only three precious seconds added to their memory.

Shalini Nayar
© 2002

The apple’s shot through,
Wormy and brown but it is her lunch.

Through her hood, she sees the buzzing market.
She is condoned as always, the ***** brown

That harbours near the fruit man, like an unwanted
Sofa, lumpy and ******. Only her grandma-fingers palm through.

Her mane of rags render translucent pebbles of benevolence:
A rare cinematic view of the world, her weary eyes absorbs every colour.

It is gentle and kind these holes: a myopic happiness
That triggers this lady to jump about, and holler and

Holler until the random clanks in her stainless steel
Plate drum up impressive beats. It is encouraging to her,

This sympathetic validation. Though she knows
false hopes don’t hold up too long. It is her sunrise,

The kind of thing we often take for granted.
She cradles the apple (the raggedy couple symbiotic in nature),

Smoothing out its ciders. It is her afternoon’s asset,
Tasting as foreign as mother’s milk.

Shalini Nayar
© 2002