enfolded in
your abundant legs
i find all the good
things etched
on the surface
of your
skin
like an egyptian
relief painting
you are worth
enough tears
to flood the nile
and re-write the
way the marsh unfolds
like the way i found you:
verdant discoveries
on sundays
and new ways
to say shadane
pragmatic star girl
i add your name
to my mental thesarus
like a new favorite
word
adoring and
absorbing your
lower-case
expressions
like second
nature

be angry,
be furious.
a storm of torrential rain and hellfire.
but when you’re done
and your seas have calmed,
come home.

— i'll be waiting by the docks

fists clenched with white knuckled force,
my nails pierce this skin and
blood trickles down fingers from these
perforated palms, and i can’t help
but to think how this pain
is nothing but a distraction.

— biting your tongue to stop the tears only goes so far

It's called having a "crush" for a reason:
Because it crushes your soul
until your ripped-up heart
and glass-sharp tears
completely dissolve you
into nothingness.

Clenched broken glass
cut deeper, which takes
a longer time to heal.

So let the jagged pieces loose.
Let it slip between your fingers.
Let it fall into its place.

Let it go.

I'm sorry
because I can't control my broken mind.
Please, forgive me
because I don't know what to do with my toxic feelings.
You need to understand,
that my mind is dark and I have trust issues,
that some days it's impossible for me to care about the people I love.
I  don't want you to leave me,
because even though I can act like I don't need you
you are the one that's keeping my boat afloat.
But I'm not the type of person you need in your life;
You need someone willing to dry your tears
and I'm one of the reasons why you cry at night.
You need a lighthouse to show you the way back to sanity,
and I'm a storm that causes you  anxiety.
And because I love you
deep enough to realize how toxic I am to you,
so much that it hurts to see you hurting because of my words,
I'll have to say goodbye.
Because I care about you,
and if you stay with me
I'll end up breaking you.

Once,
a while ago,
we were
eagerly in love,
so, eagerly
we were in chains.

Once, we were members of a party.
Parts of a whole. A hopeless oath
of devotion to another, to durdle,
intimately, through the grandest lie.

Once, we were eagerly in chains.
(Now, contemptuous in disdain)
Once, we were excited to be.
(Now, that's just not what we're about)

Once, we were bonded in a gamble.

Now, we're barely willing bystanders,
no more an adventure, than it is
   a situation.